Alain Moulay - Sex Therapist - Relationship Counsellor

29/09/2025

Jacqueline’s new Couple’s Masterclass!
Check it out!

14/08/2025

Codependency can look like ‘one or the other’. Instead, aim for one ‘and’ the other!

Many people confuse interdependence with codependence. It’s important that partners understand the difference.

Codependence is one-directional. It may rely on two people, but it is not functionally a “two-person system.” All of the time, energy, and resources are directed towards one partner. The needs of the other partner are not treated with equal importance.

In contrast, interdependence is a mutually beneficial two-person system. Both partners enjoy the ability to rely on one another, while also taking each other as their burden. No one partner’s needs take precedence over the other.

Rather than one partner being the priority, the relationship itself is the priority.

25/03/2025

Some signs and behaviours

29/10/2024

Be close, be friends….

10/10/2024

05/10/2024

Check for bids!

20/02/2024

Remember there are lots of reasons for why we touch and engage physically.

2am Thoughts

12/01/2024

Dating can be challenging . Stay safe with some of these reminders

When dating someone new, look out for people who are critical, defensive, withdrawn, or contemptuous. The use of these behaviors doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them, but it does mean you need to get curious about how they respond when you set boundaries around those behaviors.
Learn more on the Gottman Relationship Blog: https://bit.ly/3arbPNw

19/12/2023

Self manage your stress

Over time, our biological responses to can impair our physical and mental health.

Fortunately, there are evidence-based tools to help us cope in healthy ways: https://at.apa.org/bse

19/12/2023

Why the past matters….

I want to be clear that attachment styles (island, anchor, or wave) are not personality styles.

Attachment is a memory system that anticipates threat – that’s it. I know it’s tempting to define oneself in a neat category, but attachment styles aren’t the way to do that.

This is a flexible system. You might behave more like an anchor in certain relationships and a wave in others.

It’s important to understand your attachment style within the context of your relationship. Doing so will help you learn how to be with the person you picked. It will help you:

💕 Predict potential stressors for your partner
💕 Know how they might react under stress
💕 Understand how your partner’s ability to shift to and from being alone and being with others

Learn your attachment styles so you can be better caretakers of one another, but don’t look to your attachment style to define you.

If you’d like more information on attachment styles, you can view the pinned posts on my page.

31/10/2023

Relationship killers

All relationships, even the most successful ones, have conflict. It is unavoidable. Fortunately, our research shows that it’s not the appearance of conflict, but rather how it’s managed that predicts the success or failure of a relationship. We say “manage” conflict rather than “resolve,” because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects that provide opportunities for growth and understanding.

The first step in effectively managing conflict is to identify and counteract The Four Horsemen when they arrive in your conflict discussions. Thankfully, for every horseman there is an antidote, and you can learn how and when to use them here: https://bit.ly/3oYhyOK

13/09/2023

One of the core benefits of a secure-functioning relationship is the ability to depend on another person without fear or guilt. This allows both partners to thrive in ways they couldn’t on their own.

This is interdependency. Both partners are able to rely on one another and both partners agree to do things for one another that they wouldn’t do for anyone else.

The key word here is “both.”

Interdependency is NOT co-dependency. In a co-dependent relationship, all resources, time, and energy is focused on one partner.

Co-dependent relationships are asymmetrical. Interdependency is mutually beneficial.

So long as you both are supported, there is nothing wrong with depending on one another.