03/03/2026
Got to love our Sandy!
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Bec’s Unhinged Review:
Sandringham
Sandringham is what happens when Melbourne decides it wants beach vibes but also refuses to relax about anything ever again.
You arrive thinking you’re heading for a casual seaside suburb and within three minutes you realise everyone here owns a golden retriever with better emotional stability and hair maintenance than you. The dogs are calm, the people are calm, even the seagulls look privately educated.
The beach? Stunning. Absolutely offensively beautiful. The kind of water that makes you question why you live anywhere that requires socks. The sand is clean, the views are elite without being elite elite, and somehow there’s always someone paddle-boarding at 7am like they woke up spiritually balanced instead of rage scrolling their phone like the rest of us.
Sandringham Village feels like Brighton’s younger sibling who went travelling, found themselves, and came back slightly less insufferable but still owns linen pants in multiple shades of beige. Cafés everywhere, all serving coffee that tastes like it was blessed by a barista monk. You order a flat white and suddenly feel financially judged but emotionally supported.
The shops are a mix of “cute coastal boutique” and “I accidentally walked into a store where a candle costs $94 but it smells like generational wealth.” You pretend you’re just browsing while silently calculating how many servo sausage rolls equal one throw pillow.
Traffic is surprisingly chill, mostly because nobody appears to be in a rush. People actually stop at crossings. STOP. VOLUNTARILY. I nearly checked for hidden cameras the first time it happened.
And look, Sandringham isn’t trying to be loud. It’s not chaotic. It’s not pretending to be edgy. It’s just quietly confident, like someone who doesn’t need to tell you they have money because their dog has its own Instagram account.
But here’s the thing, it’s actually lovely. Annoyingly lovely. The kind of place where you go for a quick beach walk and accidentally heal a small portion of your soul without consent.
Sandringham is calm, coastal, polished… and just self-aware enough not to shove it in your face.
Stay Unhinged, Legends ✌🏼