Of Birth and Mother, Sandy Bay (2025)

20/04/2024

I often feel this struggle as a birthworker/mother to tread lightly and keep the peace by not sharing some, perhaps, difficult conversations. And yes ultimately, we do want to keep the peace, we want to eliminate shame and stop pe***ng mothers against each other.

However, I’m constantly seeing people’s triggers unravel upon the sharing of home birth, breastfeeding and bedsharing. We are constantly conflating fact-sharing with mom-shaming. We’ve eliminated the space for two truths to co-exist at once and have pegged them as wrong or right.
You can CHOOSE birth interventions and still understand that birth is *usually* best undisturbed. You can CHOOSE to use formula and know that breastmilk is the optimal choice. You can CHOOSE to have separate sleep spaces, and still understand that our babies are meant to co-regulate while sleeping.

I truly wonder if we’ve lost the ability to lean into uncomfortable conversations with curiosity rather than defense. Or if we’ve lost the ability to stand in the presence of those with opposing beliefs to our own.

I guess we shall see how many unfollow from this post 😆

15/03/2024

Pt 5.

The fetal ejection reflex was strong now and with the next push I could feel his head peek in and out. I put my hand down to feel.Something I was too afraid to do with my daughter.I felt him there and was surprised that I was already at this stage of birth.The quickness of it all felt surreal.I told everyone that I could feel his waters still intact around his head like a water balloon.A very cool feeling.After those 2 surges, his head would retract back in.Slowing opening and stretching me.With the next surge,I teetered on my edge and at my most stretched,the ring of fire,I decided to dive into it. The adrenaline pushing me to push through. My midwife had asked if she wanted me to check his heart rate.And I looked at her in awe and told her his head was already out, which surprised us all. My contractions stopped for a few minutes and she watched as his shoulders rotated.Completely hands off. I finally got the break I begged for. There was peace in that moment of pause,where he lived between two worlds, and I just waited for him to tell me when he was ready to be fully of earth. The next surge came and out his slippery body flew. I untangled him from his long cord.Taking a good few moments to land back from the surprise of it all.I couldn’t believe he was here in my arms and that I did it, again.
After some sweet cuddles and his first latch,my midwife gently administered a shot of pitocin to support the birth of my placenta. This is the unmagical part of my birth, but it’s what we chose due to my very low hemoglobin levels. Which btw still hurt like b*tch even after an 8.3lb baby.A few minutes later I applied a little traction on my own cord and gave a little push to birth my placenta into a bowl.At this point we woke Orelia up to meet her brother.We cuddled and chilled in the pure elation of it all.My birth team quietly buzzed around the house cleaning and tending to me.After a beautiful golden two hours and a steaming hot shower we burned his cord as a family;slow and gentle.I had a 1st degree tear that I decided to let heal on its own. We ate some warm food and got tucked into bed as a family of 4.Blissed out from the birth of our baby boy Onix Sol.

15/03/2024

At 2am, my midwife Rashelle arrived. Followed by her student midwife. The surges were intense and I was very vocal at this point. How my toddler in the next room didn’t hear me is a miracle. I was barely able to speak during them but somehow still managed to cry out to my midwife that “I couldn’t do it anymore”. She calmly encouraged me to breathe into the waves. But I couldn’t ride the waves. I couldn’t find my rhythm. I felt completely overcome by it all. I begged her for a break. I just wanted a break between them. It was as if I was at the point break of each wave; just when I’d resurface from a crash, another would burry me deep again. Through it all, I remember looking to Rashelle and telling her that I wanted to be on the other side already but that I also wanted to be present because I knew how fleeting it all would be.
Meanwhile, we decided it was time to call our birth photographer . And still, I was nervous we were getting ahead of ourselves. I didn’t want to call anyone out of bed in case I went on for longer. Again, luckily we called when we did.
The team hurried to prepare the tub for me. My body was shaking and in hindsight, with the words I spoke and my physical changes, I was very clearly in transition. My laboring brain just wasn’t attuned to it. I entered the pool just as my photographer walked in and she quickly began to prep her settings.The urge to push came over me as my body submerged in the water and I clung onto Kurt who was on the side of the tub. It was not how I expected to feel. Remembering how I would drift in and out of laborland with my 1st and the natural pain relief of oxytocin.
This time, I felt very much there. My mind trying to keep up with the quickening sensations in my body.

21/02/2024

Birth Story| Part 2

I went to bed on the 24th, thinking if he doesn’t come on 01/24/24, then he’d surely come on the full moon of the 26th. I just felt like he had a power move up his sleeve. That night, I had my first signs of labor. The period-like pull on my uterus; a dull ache that continued through the night, and was enough to wake me at times and most definitely kept me attuned to the signs.

I woke up at 6am on the 25th and the sun in our house was so beautiful. I took a picture to remember it, knowing he wasn’t long away, even though my aches had paused. My toddler was extra cuddly/clingy that morning and I hung onto her equally as tight as she did me. Manageable surges would come and go throughout the day without pattern. I took this time to rest and nap. My daughter climbed into bed with me and asked for a breastfeed. Our last after 3 years. I explained this to her having prepared her for months of the upcoming transition.
At 2pm, my midwife came for a visit. Surges were still sporadic and we recognized that baby was not engaged yet. I used the to do some tummy lifts as I simultaneously did figure 8s and pelvic tilts on my birth ball. It seemed to help.
But the evening had come with no real progression. We tucked our 3 selves into our bed and after another surge in bed, I knew that my body needed gravity.
A part of me debated staying in bed, letting the slow surges keep their irregular pattern. I was tired and I didn’t really feel like giving birth that night. If it wasn’t for my husband for the nudge to do some exercises I may have very well stayed in bed. Continued pt3..

21/02/2024

Birth Story Pt.1

I begged for a quick labor this time around. My first being over 24 hrs with 2 days of prodromal labor, all I wanted was for this one to be swift. Well that’s exactly what it was. A fairly quick birth but just as equally, an intense one.

To be honest, I had a lot of resistance leading up to this birth. A different kind of resistance than my first, which was centered around my tolerance of pain and my history with fainting. I overcame something I had feared my whole life and in turn reclaimed long lost trust in my body.
And even though, I knew I could do it, because I already had, I still had fears and I still had resistance the 2nd time.
I simply did not want to experience anymore discomfort than I already had (during the pregnancy). I didn’t think I would have enough fire in me to fuel a long labor, if it so happened. I didn’t want to feel the stretch. The pressure. I felt as though I had already met my edge and couldn’t explore any more.

But those last weeks were quickly approaching and I was sure our baby would come before his “due date”. I was meeting each morning happy that there were no signs of labor that day. A true procrastinator. But once his EDD had come and gone, I felt as though I turned a corner. From not wanting to do it all, I began to feel the anticipation, and then the readiness to just “get it done” (as blunt as that may sound). Continued..pt2

28/01/2024

On January 26th at 2:55 am, we welcomed our beautiful 🌞, Onix Sol Tropiano. Born at home in the pool, while the Full Moon in Leo waxed in the night sky ✨🕯️.

A fast and furious experience that took me to my utmost depths. A story that I will share with you all soon.

We have been enjoying our newborn bubble, falling in love with our little babe, and growing into our new family dynamic. 🤍🤍

04/01/2024

The contraction before the expansion..

As I near the end of what has felt like the longest pregnancy, I can feel the relief soon approaching. That exhilarating relief of my baby emerging from my body. Is there really anything better? The relief of feeling lighter from within, even though I’ll have more to carry on the out. The relief from the constant nausea and body aches.
A few more weeks till I’m on the other side. Yet I’m still waiting for that excitement to rise and the resistance to pass.
The oh-so familiar resistance. It’s always somewhere at this point that you realize “damn I gotta actually birth this baby”.
After 10 long months of discomfort, I can feel myself contracting to the thought of birth. More discomfort. I feel like I’ve had enough. Too tired to walk through the fire once more. Forgetting, for the time being, the euphoria, on the other side.
And ya, I guess, I don’t NEED to feel it when there are measures to ease the discomfort.
So why? Well I didn’t really have my ‘why’ this 2nd time around. My first birth’s being so potent and powerful it allowed me to defy all the odds I held against myself and carry me through a long laborious birth.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when my vision of a home birth was brought up for question due to my hemoglobin levels. The thought of being anywhere else but home, instantly urged me to claim it. I had found my “why”. And it was simple as: because I *deserve* a gentle, easeful birth, in the comfort of my own home. And as simple as it is, this ‘why’ has made me question some deep-rooted limiting beliefs.
‘Despite having rough pregnancies, and having a long first birth, am I deserving of a different experience?’ ‘Despite having done it once before, can I really actually do it again?’ ‘Am I deserving of an even smoother experience?’
Essentially, the focal question of ‘can it be easy or does it always have to be hard?’; a reoccurring question in so many facets of my life. This simple ‘why’ is what I am actively claiming to guide my birth vision.

I may not feel the excitement for birth yet, but for now I can simply soften into the contraction.

Of Birth and Mother

20/04/2024

15/03/2024

15/03/2024

21/02/2024

21/02/2024

28/01/2024

04/01/2024

Address

Website

Alerts

Contact The Practice

Shortcuts

Share

Category