09/03/2026
Disengaging From Our Identities
A humbling awakening
Sitting at the little market,
Behind the table of my store,
With no one soon approaching,
Anticipation in my core.
Awaiting some mild interest,
In the books I have to share,
Filled with pages of channelled wisdom,
From a place beyond my brain.
The sense of vulnerability filling,
The spaces of my being,
As people walk right by me,
Sometimes hello just barely managed.
I wish that people realised,
That our roles are not the core,
Of who we are inside us,
There is infinitely more.
So when we shed a layer,
Of illusion that isn’t really who we are,
We connect more deeply to the,
Essence of our deepest self.
Whether something appears successful,
Or does not quite meet the mark,
It is all part of our awakening,
To the essence of our self.
My experience at the Artisan market was a humbling one. After a “successful” market stall the previous week - selling books and having some aligned and deep conversations - this one was quite a contrast.
I was positioned down the very end of the line at the back of the thoroughfare, and this set the scene for a morning of quiet solitude amidst the hub of activity around me.
I had a few brief encounters, but the overall experience left me feeling quite flat and vulnerable.
Sitting behind a table of where your heart and soul lie within the pages of your books - is truly a courageous place to be.
Knowing how the dynamics of markets plays out - with some people wanting to avoid small talk with all the store holders and others feeling sorry for the lack of business at your stall - there is a mix of dynamics at play, as is the nature of humans in all interactions.
Yet what this experience highlighted to me was just how much we can over identify with the roles that we play.
I recalled how differently people had responded to me in the role of doctor. Then in the role of counsellor, yoga teacher and so on. As it was noticeably different.
A reflection not on me but on the esteem and respect society has conditioned us to attribute to different titles that we can play.
Yet this humbling experience, that was not all that foreign to me from the multitude of roles that I have played, made me reflect on perhaps how valuable it would be for us all to have this experience as human beings.
Many people are overly identified to the roles that they play - be it their job title, or role as a parent, partner, child or friend.
But ultimately we are not these roles that we inhabit. We are the conscious being who inhabits them, and no matter what role we are playing, we are the same essence beneath it.
And why do we develop this over attachment to the roles and identifications in our lives?
Well, on some level we believe - perhaps on a subconscious level out of the forefront of our awareness - that we are not enough just as we are.
Thus we pull to our skin these roles to solidify our worthiness - our worthiness for the respect, love, validation and acknowledgement that we desire.
Yet we are worthy for simply being alive. We are worthy for being ourselves, not for being a doctor or an artist or a mother or a child. Not for being a golfer or a yogi or a runner or a friend. Our being-ness is where our worthiness stems from. There is nothing we have to do, or achieve or accomplish, for our existence to be of value.
This is just what we have been led to believe.
So I ask you to ponder….
1. What role that I play might I be overly identified with in my life?
2. How might this over-identification in fact no longer be serving me?
3. And how can I validate myself simply for my being-ness, regardless of whether my external world ventures are “successful” or otherwise? How can I learn to build myself up from within, rather than seeking external validation to confirm the worthiness of my existence?
4. What is the meaning of true success? (Perhaps in this story, the experience had been a success after all. Not in the traditional meaning of what we have been led to believe success is, but in the cultivation of qualities such as dis-identification with ego roles, patience, humility and courage.)
5. If we are here to awaken rather than to achieve, how might this framework shift the lens through which we view the “success” of our lives and the experiences within it?
Another aspect that this experience triggered into reflection, was the transient nature of life. The way in one moment we will be celebrating a “win” or “success” and in just the next we will be brought to our knees or humbled in some way by life.
This flux reminded me of the importance of celebrating the joyous moments when they arise, but knowing that these too are fleeting. And at the same time in the more tricky or challenging moments, knowing that they too will pass and shift into a joy.
So the more that we can gently move with these ebbs and flows that are a part of each one of our lives, the less we will suffer with the flux that is the very nature of human life.
So perhaps pondering for yourself…
1. How can I cultivate a deeper state of equanimity through the ebbs and flows of my day and my life?
2. What can I tell myself in moments of challenge to remind myself of this transient nature of human experiences?
3. How can I seek to cherish and savour the joys when they arise knowing that these too are temporary?
https://open.substack.com/pub/drtaliasteed/p/disengaging-from-our-identities?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewer
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