24/03/2024
Violence & abuse is very subtle - in my family of origin if our father didnt like something you dis or you misbehaved he would stop speaking to you for as long as he wanted until he started again - you never knew what was going on - in America I learnt in my therapiat training that this is ‘dysfunctional family problem behaviour’ & its what causes dysfunction in children & adults - children will griw up to do it to ithers when they cant xope with feelings - its part of the ‘Dont Talk Dont Trust Dont Feel rules ‘ of problem families ( usually emotional problem families where trauma has been suffered for generations) especialoy with alcoholism & addiction /dependency & no-one understands until you do that 100% of the worlds families are ‘problem families’ or ‘dysfunctional families’ because of what happens in every childs stages of himan development.
I understand now that my oarents grew up in trauma ( good things happened too) but when this happens people ise the rules of ‘silence, denial, rigidity & isolation’ to reject you - but its the behaviour they’re rejecting ( you made a mistake) but the silent response is ‘shaming’ it treats you like you ArE the Mistake.
The reponse isnot in proportion to what happened - thats why talking deep listening & conti upus communication is whats tequired cos only then can two adukts work out why they feel as they do- if you stop talking & maintain an angry silence you really abuse the other person by rejecting their presence in your life & they suffer from your silent anger wanting to resolve it - that was me with my father - my mother never did it - she stayed quiet because she’d been abused too and she didnt know what to do - she just was hurt - so immchoosing to not be hurt Im choosing to let that petson do whatever they want because I cant change their behaviour only they can. Even when I explain they dont want to know & thats why we therapists & recovering alcoholics & addicts say that ‘live & let live’ because denial is something you can only change by being yourself being authentic and doing what is right for you. Im not going to be codependent anymore to the silent teatment - ive had it 65 yrs & im really sick of it From everyone in my family so thats my karma - I still try to love yhem as everuone has the right yo be loved just because they are Soils Kurunpa Spirits perfect i side - being human & hurt is not a crime 🎆🫶🏾💟🙏🏾🪷🌟