19/02/2023
On 19 February 2020, 3 years ago today, Hannah Clarke and her 3 young children Aaliyah, Laianah and Trey lost their lives in a horrific act of domestic violence. This final unspeakable act by Hannah’s estranged husband followed years of abuse by coercive control at his hands.
Following this tragedy many people became aware of the term coercive control for the first time. In the days that followed, hearing Sue and Lloyd Clarke describe the emotional and psychological abuse that Hannah had endured from her estranged husband for years sent chills down my spine. They described virtually a carbon copy of someone I knew and it felt all too close to home. It confirmed my fears that these patterns of controlling behaviour are extremely worrying even without any previous physical violence.
Coercive control leads to isolation, lowers self esteem and destroys all feelings of self worth. It makes you second guess your sanity and you are made to feel like you are the problem, that if you could just behave better everything would be okay, yet no matter how hard you try it will never be enough. Even in the absence of prior physical violence, it is a significant predictor of intimate partner homicide.
Let’s teach our daughters how to recognise the warning signs of narcissism in a potential partner, and help them to understand what a loving relationship should actually look like. Let’s look out for our friends and family members and recognise when they are being manipulated. Let’s not be charmed by the seemingly loving, caring partner who love bombs their partner, showering their spouse with gifts and affection in the beginning, then excuse their bad behaviour as being out of character instead of recognising that they are finally showing their true colours.
Together we can work to HALT - H (Hannah) A (Aaliyah) L (Laianah) T (Trey) - domestic and family violence in Australia.
If you would like to pay your respects to Hannah, Aaliyah, Laianah and Trey, please light a candle and share to social media this evening tagging