31/08/2025
For them
Thats what i answer to people when they ask how did you keep going, how did you leave an abusive marriage, and what made you choose this path.
I did it for them when i couldn’t do it for myself.
It’s only now i finally do it for me too.
It can take a long time to choose change for ourselves.
What people don’t tell you is when you finally leave you aren’t free, they don’t say how hard it is to come back from, how long it takes to heal while you hold down multiple jobs, lose everything, parent on your own, protect yourself, leave your friends and community to get safe all the while being forced by our system to coparent with people who just don’t show signs of wanting to change.
Not many speak of the depletion and health issues.
People don’t tell you that it’s only over when you find the closure within yourself, learn to set boundaries and reclaim your worth and power again.
People don’t tell you how much work it takes to repair all the damage that was done as a family unit, to rebuild trust with your children and wait for them to process it hoping they forgive you for the mistakes.
It doesn’t just come from one action, it happens slowly over time.
It’s nothing to do with luck.
It’s hard choices made over and over again.
If anyone ever looks at their family and knows in their heart they can give them better, they want to choose them over the dysfunction that just seems normal but know it isn’t, or if they feel they can teach them another way - its totally possible.
We settle out of fear, comfortably, doubting ourselves and we will make excuses. I know i did it for many years so there is no judgement on it.
I can see why a lot of people stay, it’s the hardest thing i know i will ever do and it’s taken a lot from me in all areas of my life.
We need to talk about the cycle of violence more and the depletion it creates.
From depletion comes inflammation, tension, chronic pain and stress, gut issues, insomnia, headaches, addictive behaviours and the biggest concern is the disconnect it is creating to our bodies because it has not been safe in the body.
Unconditional, authentic safety changes lives.
Changing for the ones to walk after us..
