24/07/2023
Bereavement is what happens to you,
Grief is what you feel,
Mourning is what you do!
COMPLEXITY OF GRIEF when bereaved by Su***de 🖤
“You never get over a su***de. You just learn to deal with it. The worst part is not knowing WHY?
Without minimising the grief associated with any loss, particularly the loss of life, su***de pain has an energy all of its own.
Death through su***de comes with its own special type of grief.
It is the grief that comes from both mental anguish and emotional pain, as not only do we have to come to grips with what, but also the inevitable questions that are associated with WHY?
When somebody dies from an explainable cause, whether it is sickness or maybe an accident, though traumatic, those that are left behind know what happened. There seems to be a clear reason as to the probable cause of death and though we may not like it, we at least understand it.
When it comes to terminal illness, you generally have time to say your goodbyes, mourn the impending loss or celebrate a life well lived.
In the case of an accident, as tragic as it is, we can understand the events that led to the accident occurring. In these cases, the individual involved has had the choice of living or dying taken out of their hands. Circumstances have transpired to bring about the outcome.
Not so with su***de.
The main issue for anyone bereaved by su***de is the fact that the individual concerned MADE A CHOICE.
A choice that leaves behind so many questions that need answering, so many misunderstandings, and so many unexplained confusing questions that the emotional grief takes on a form of mental anguish as well.
This mental anguish has an intensity to it that can manifest itself for a period as anger, bitterness, resentment, hostility, regret or blame.
This intensity may direct us to push people away, respond in a way that is out of character or lash out at those that are around us. All of which can culminate in people no longer feeling that they can express themselves clearly, when in our company. As unfortunate as this is, it can result in damage to seemingly stable relationships that have significant tenure and intimacy.
When someone takes their life by su***de, the mourning process for survivors is different in at least 2 ways.
1) The period of numbness and disbelief will be longer, extending the duration of the grief process; and
2) There is the added burden of understanding the motivation for the death.
For su***de survivors, the grief process is particularly long given the complexity of issues survivors struggle with.
This means that one year after the death, the griever may still be in the depths of their grief, long after society expects people to be over their grief.
One of the differences in the grief process is that su***de involves a conscious decision, and it is this element that often complicates the grief process, causing the survivor to search for `REASONS`.
For me…
“Grief was a long process over time, I remember thinking many times ‘is this actually happening?
or am I in a dream?
absolute devastation and confusion!!!
It was months involving of a CONTINUAL PROCESS of questions around Why?
seeking to understand and comprehend, it really was so difficult to make sense of the situation and there are still times now, when I think, this is still unfathomable.
Grieving for me came in many forms as it is very unique and individual to everyone.
My grief extended over a few years.
I was on an emotional roller coaster of good days and not so good days.
Sometimes I felt like I was able to move forward and then other times, I could not.
The not so good days would often surface from triggers ie. stress in work, stigma, my nervous system was completely out of whack as I could have been triggerred by the tiniest things that normally, would not have bothered me at all.
And so... the feeling that life just did not make sense to me anymore.
The good days were my happier days filled with beauty of nature that I found solace in and from the happy memories and pictures of my son, talking to him and about him with others as I focused on gratitude for everything I did still have in my life.
Through all of this, it was my search for new meaning and purpose, as is a common experience for all people bereaved.
This led to having to accept, learn and adapt to a new way of life and create my new normal around my loss!
With this...
I chose to follow the light of my soul🔥
because I knew it was in there, somewhere and it was! 💜
From this shadow space I turned darkness into light!
I found SACREDNESS in the horror!
Digging deep into the recesses for the keys to realising my PERSONAL POWER and PURPOSE.
Through gritted teeth somedays as I surrendered to the pain, slowly moving forward little by little, day by day.
If we are to HEAL fully and HONOURABLY we must visit our SHADOW space in a sacred way so we can learn from the experience and REBIRTH ourselves.
🪶PROGRESSION | 🪶HEALING | 🪶GROWTH |🪶WISDOM |
🪶REBIRTH
🔥ARE YOU READY TO REALISE YOUR PERSONAL POWER AND PURPOSE?
🔥ARE YOU READY TO HEAL FULLY AND HONOURABLY ?
ALLOW ME TO GUIDE YOU TO UNLOCKING THE KEYS TO YOUR SOUL MASTERY TO HEAL THROUGH GRIEF.
BOOK A FREE CALL https://calendly.com/risingstronghh/30min
RISING STRONG HOLISTIC HEALING
Melissa Newman Grief Therapist
