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The Unseen Man, Sunshine Coast (2025)

14/07/2025

No One Is Coming.

By 48 I was buried.
My business was falling apart.
I was separated from the woman I loved.
Drowning in debt. Watching my father die. Numbing myself with alcohol. Hitting snooze every morning because facing life felt like a battle I couldn’t win.

I wasn’t living, I was avoiding.

Avoiding responsibility by blaming her. Avoiding pain with distraction. Avoiding success by procrastinating. Avoiding life, one excuse at a time.

And… I knew I was doing it.
I watched others win while I spiraled.
I felt like a fu***ng failure.

And in my darkest moments, one question haunted me the most: “Is this really the best life has to offer?”
No. It’s not.
But life doesn’t get better by thinking about it.
It doesn’t change because you complain.
No one is coming to save you.

You’ve got one shot. One man. One mission.
And that man is you.

So what needed to change?

Action.

Not perfect action. Not heroic action. Just movement.
Tiny steps. Each and every day.
And when motivation ran dry, I used the 3, 2, 1… Blast Off rule.

✅ 3 seconds to stop thinking.
✅ 2 seconds to override the doubt.
✅ 1 second to move. Take the call. Get out of bed. Hit the gym. Say what needs to be said.

3… 2… 1… MOVE.

You’re not a machine. You’re a man. A tired one, maybe. A wounded one, probably.
But you’re still breathing. And as long as you are, you can change direction.

Thinking won’t save you.
Drinking won’t save you.
She’s not coming back to save you.
Only YOU can save you.

3… 2… 1… Blast Off. 🚀
Get fu***ng Moving!!!

11/06/2025

So you think she’s too much?

Too moody.
Too emotional.
Too angry.
Too cold.
Too masculine.

And you?

Are you doing everything right?
Holding it all together.
Providing?
Showing up?
Hearing her?

And she’s still distant.

You’re waiting for her to change…
To soften.
To appreciate you.
To love you the way you need to be loved.

But nothing’s changing.
You’re burnt out.
Feeling a disconnect?

This isn’t about her being broken.
It’s about something a whole lot deeper.

She’s not reacting to your actions.
Or responding to your absence.

She doesn’t need more from your hands.
She needs more from your heart.

Your presence.
Your stillness.
Your undivided attention.

Can you hold her without flinching when the storm hits? Can you stay open when she’s expressing pain that has nothing to do with you but just needs to be heard and held?

She’s not asking for you to fix her.
She’s asking if you can feel her.

If you can stop defending yourself and getting offended…
If you can’t stop trying to fix things and just be there…

She won’t scream for you to hold her container forever or fight for connection forever…

Eventually… she’ll stop.
She’ll give up and move on…
It’s time to step up…

She’s not waiting for you to be perfect.
She’s waiting for you to be present.
To hold her…
To be her safe place…
To be her rock…

02/06/2025

What’s really killing your relationships. The hidden signs of dysfunction

It doesn’t start with yelling.
It starts with something far more subtle.
The raised eyebrow when you speak.
The way she cuts you off mid-sentence.
The way you sigh and say, Whatever…
The long pauses. The short answers.
The cold space between the lines.

Most couples think the real danger is the fight, the explosive argument, the night one of you walks out.
But that’s just the aftershock.
The real damage was done long before.

It’s in the patterns that play out every single day.
You talk, but you don’t hear.
She feels, but she doesn’t speak.
You shut down when it gets emotional.
She gets sarcastic instead of honest.
You explain and try to justify, trying to fix it.
She mocks or withdraws, hoping you’ll finally understand without her ever having to say it.

And round and round it goes.

You think this is normal.
You think this is just how couples are.
But this isn’t partnership.
It’s survival.
It’s a co-regulated loop of unspoken resentment, ego battles, and fear driven protection.

This is what dysfunction really looks like.
Conversations that feel like debates.
Questions that are really accusations.
Defenses disguised as, I’m just being honest.
Avoidance dressed up as just needing space..
Emotional needs buried under sarcasm and control.

This is the slow erosion of intimacy.
Not because you don’t love each other, but because you don’t know how to speak the truth without destroying the connection.

Most people live here…
Not in love, but in negotiation.
Not in truth, but in reaction.
Not in connection, but in conditioned survival.

So before we talk about fixing it, we need to see it.
Name it and own it!

Because what you keep normalizing, you keep repeating.

02/06/2025

The way you show up in relationships didn’t start in your last one.
It started years ago.
Before your first kiss.
Before your first breakup.
Back when your nervous system was still learning what love felt like, and whether it was safe. Most likely while you were still a child…

Attachment isn’t some abstract concept.
It’s the way you learned to connect, protect, and survive closeness.
And when that closeness felt unpredictable, threatening, or inconsistent, you adapted.

Some people became anxious.
They learned that love could disappear at any moment.
So they cling. They monitor. They obsess. They try to fix. They feel responsible for keeping the connection alive, even when it’s one-sided.
They feel too much, too fast. And they’re terrified of being too much for someone else.

Others went the opposite way.
They became avoidant.
They learned that needing others leads to pain. So they shut it down.
They value control, independence, space. They keep people at arm’s length and build walls out of logic, silence, and detachment.
They feel safest when no one is asking for more than they’re willing to give.

And then there are those who feel secure.
They don’t fear intimacy. They’re not consumed by it either.
They know how to stay open, speak honestly, hear hard truths, and hold steady when emotions rise.
They trust themselves in love because they’ve made peace with their past.
Most people aren’t there yet.

What happens more often is a push-pull dynamic.
The anxious one pursues. The avoidant one retreats.
The more one reaches, the more the other pulls away.
Until both feel unsafe, unseen and misunderstood…

It feels like rejection, but it’s really just two nervous systems trying to survive each other.

This is where most couples feel stuck.
They think they’re fighting about the dishes or the timing of a text.
But underneath it all, it’s this a nervous system screaming for safety and not knowing how to ask for it

Think like a two year old chucking a tante because they’re hungry or tired, they don’t always know how to ask for it and so they get frustrated and loose their sh*t…

Knowing your attachment style isn’t about putting yourself in a box.
It’s about catching the pattern before it takes over.
Noticing when you’re abandoning yourself to keep the peace.
Noticing when you’re withdrawing because connection feels like a threat.
And choosing something different.

You don’t fix this by being perfect.
You shift it by staying present when every part of you wants to run.

That’s how the pattern ends.
Not with blame.
With awareness.

01/06/2025

There was a time I thought being heard meant speaking louder.
Being clearer.
Faster.
Smarter.

I thought if I just explained it better, they’d get it. If I had the perfect argument, they’d finally see things my way.

But the more I tried to prove myself,
the more I lost myself.

And then one day, I stopped mid conversation. No anger. No performance.
Just presence.

I didn’t raise my voice.
I didn’t try to be clever.
I just spoke the truth calmly, firmly and from my centre.

And everything changed.

Because power isn’t in how loud you speak, it’s in how anchored you are when you say it.

When you stop needing to be right,
When you stop trying to convince,
When your voice comes from truth rather than tension…

People feel it.

They don’t always agree.
But they listen.

And that’s the shift.

That’s when you stop reacting.
That’s when you stop defending.
That’s when your communication becomes clean, strong and grounded, even when it’s fierce.

Because being heard doesn’t start with control. It starts with self respect.

And when you finally respect your own voice…
you no longer feel the need to raise it.

31/05/2025

This is the hardest step for most, and the most liberating. It’s Ownership and the Mirror of Conflict

I wanted her to listen.
To pause.
To hear me without interrupting, correcting, or turning the conversation into a storm.

And in that frustration, I found clarity.

Because one day after another argument left us both silent and distant, I asked myself:

Was I really listening to her?

Not pretending to.
Not waiting for my turn to speak while I crafted my next winning argument while she talked.

Actually listening.

The truth?
Not always.

Sometimes I was rolling my eyes inside.
Sometimes I had already decided she was wrong. Sometimes I’d tune out the second I felt misunderstood, because I was more interested in defending my image than understanding her reality.

And that stung.
Because I realized something:

You can’t demand someone see you…
when you’re blind to them.

Most communication breakdowns aren’t one sided. They’re a dance. A pattern. A feedback loop. And if you’re in it, even if you’re not the loudest voice, you’re still part of it.

That doesn’t mean you blame yourself for everything. It means you get curious about your role. It means you stop trying to be right and start trying to be real.

I wasn’t being attacked.
I was being reflected.
She was holding up a mirror.
Relationships are great for reflecting feedback on the parts of ourselves we need to work on in our soul’s evolution..

Her intensity?
It was showing me my shutdown.

Her defensiveness?
It was matching mine.

Her need to dominate?
Maybe it was a response to all the moments I refused to lead.

The moment I owned that… everything shifted.

Because when you realize conflict is a mirror not a weapon, you stop fighting your partner…
and start facing yourself.

30/05/2025

There’s a moment in most arguments where you stop communicating…
and start protecting.

You’re not listening anymore.
You’re not trying to understand.
You’re just gearing up to defend yourself.

I’ve been there.
You probably have too.

The heart rate rises.
The breath shortens.
You feel the need to justify yourself, to explain, to prove yourself, not because the issue is complicated… but because you suddenly feel like you’re on trial.

You’re not in a relationship conversation anymore, you’re in a courtroom.
And the verdict feels personal.

This is what happens when the nervous system takes over. When emotional safety breaks down. When old wounds hijack the moment.

She raises her voice, and it reminds you of your mother’s criticism.
You shut down, and it reminds her of being ignored her whole life. Suddenly, it’s not just about the dishwasher or the tone or the timing…

It’s about everything thats ever hurt you showing up in that one moment…

And without emotional discipline, you react.
You defend.
You weaponize.
You try to win.

But here’s the thing:

The moment you need to win… you’ve already lost the connection.

Communication isn’t a war to survive.
It’s a bridge to cross.

But most people never make it across because they’re too busy building their own fortress.

And the only way out of that loop?

You stop reacting.
You breathe.
You own your triggers before they own you.

Because the second you stop defending… you start creating space for real connection to grow and thrive…

29/05/2025

It’s not just about what was said.

It’s how it was said.
When it was said.
Why it was said.

Most of the fights I’ve had in relationships didn’t explode because of the words alone they detonated because of the energy underneath them…

The tone.
The iming and…
The intent.

The unspoken resentment wrapped in casual sentences. Tiny landmines dropped in the middle of what should’ve been connection.

That’s the real war.
Not the sentence.
The signal.

You interrupt someone enough times, they stop speaking. You correct them in the middle of their truth, they stop offering it. You talk over them, they don’t get louder, they get colder…

And when that happens…
you don’t just lose communication.
You lose trust.

Because now, every word is walking on eggshells. Now, it’s not “let me understand you,” It’s “let me survive you.”

This is where most relationships fall apart not through cheating, not through huge betrayals but through thousands of subtle dismissals that make two people feel more alone in the same room than they’d ever feel apart.

The worst part?

Neither person thinks they’re doing anything wrong.

But both are bleeding from a thousand unseen cuts.

This is why presence matters.
This is why awareness matters.
Because sometimes it’s not your words that break the connection, it’s in the way you didn’t even realise the way in which you were communicating things…

28/05/2025

There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to speak… and constantly being interrupted. Corrected, talked over.
Dismissed.

I remember an ex she’d cut me off mid sentence. Tell me I was wrong before I’d even finished my thought. She would jump in with her version of events, her acusing tone getting sharper while I tried to stay composed.

At first, I’d breathe.
I’d try to hold presence.
I’d wait for her to finish, even if what she was saying completely twisted what I meant.

But after enough of that, something in me would snap.
I’d explode.
Not because I wanted to hurt her, but because I felt invisible.

I didn’t feel seen.
I didn’t feel heard.
I felt like a man speaking into a void, slowly drowning in silence while someone shouted over me.

Now, I’m not saying I was perfect.
Maybe she didn’t feel heard either.
Maybe she was trying to protect herself, control the chaos, or just make sense of her own emotions.

But here’s the truth:
When two people stop listening,
When no one feels safe enough to pause,
When every conversation becomes a battle to be right, you’re no longer building intimacy.

You’re just surviving the next round.

And that’s not communication.
That’s quiet warfare….

28/05/2025

Becoming the man I was always running from

He was always there.

In the silence.
In the stillness.
In the mirror I avoided when I didn’t want to face myself.

The man I could be, if I dropped the act.

I ran from him for years.

Because HE didn’t care about excuses.
HE didn’t buy my stories.
HE didn’t need validation.
HE stood in truth, even when it burned.

He would’ve called me out when I was blaming.
He would’ve walked away when I begged.
He would’ve told me:
“Your pain is valid, but your behaviour isn’t.”

And that scared the hell out of me.

Because that kind of man doesn’t settle.
He doesn’t perform.
He doesn’t chase approval or shrink to fit.
He leads.
He grounds.
He builds.

And to become him… I had to destroy the version of me that wasn’t ready.

The version that needed to be liked.
The version that chose comfort over clarity.
The version that wore masks, told half truths, and blamed the world for his wounds.

So I did it.

Piece by piece.
Breath by breath.
Mistake by mistake.

I didn’t just wake up one day fully healed and transformed, but I do recognise that I am a little more integrated now.

Not perfect. Not finished.
But integrated.
Clear. Grounded. Free.

I became the man I was always running from.
And now?

I walk forward with him, not behind me…
But within me.

27/05/2025

Kaos always has a liar behind It…

Before I could meet the man I was running from… I had to get honest about this:

Wherever there is kaos,
Wherever there is drama,
Wherever there is manipulation…

There are lies.

Sometimes subtle.
Sometimes blatant.
But always there.

And it’s not just others.

It’s you too.
It was me.

The kaos I was caught in?
It wasn’t just bad luck.
It wasn’t just “toxic people.”
It was the result of my own deception.

Lying to avoid confrontation.
Lying to protect my image.
Lying to myself about what I really felt, really wanted, really feared.

Manipulation isn’t always malicious, sometimes it wears the mask of niceness.
Of “keeping the peace.”
Of pretending everything’s fine when it’s clearly not.

But the result is the same:
Disconnection. Resentment. Emotional warzones.

The truth is uncomfortable.
But kaos is far more costly.

You want to end the drama?
Start telling the whole truth.
First to yourself. Then to everyone else.

Because nothing fuels “chaos” like the lies we live with.

And nothing brings peace like the courage to stop performing and start owning.

27/05/2025

He didn’t want to move on.

He wanted to build.

He wanted to be the man she could lean on, the man she could trust, the man she could follow.

He came to her with vision, with clarity, with ideas for a life they could create together.

But every time he showed up with that masculine energy, with that grounded presence, she gave him chaos.

Arguments, drama, testing.

And for a while, he stayed in the fight.

He tried to prove himself. To explain. To fix it. To hold it all together.

Not because he was weak, but because he loved her.

But over time, that love turned into exhaustion.

It wasn’t that he stopped loving her or that he didn’t care.

It was that he got tired of being treated like the enemy.

Tired of being misunderstood.

Tired of being twisted into the villain no matter how hard he tried.

So he stopped showing up.

Not because he quit on her… but because he got tired of showing up for someone who didn’t know how to receive him.

Tired of being disrespected.

Tired of being punished for having a spine.

So he stopped.

Not because he didn’t want to build… but because he realized he couldn’t build with her.

Because no matter how much he loved her, a man can’t build a future with a woman who fights him at every step.

A man can lead…

But only a woman willing to follow can make that leadership worth it.

And when he realized she wasn’t ready to follow…

He finally had no choice but to walk away.

Men don’t just leave because they stop loving a woman.

Men leave when they realize they’re wasting their strength on someone who won’t let them lead.

And that kind of heartbreak cuts deeper than most women will ever know.

The Unseen Man

14/07/2025

11/06/2025

02/06/2025

02/06/2025

01/06/2025

31/05/2025

30/05/2025

29/05/2025

28/05/2025

28/05/2025

27/05/2025

27/05/2025

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