16/09/2023
This!
My issue with compliance-based methods.
You have assumed that my kid has made an intentional choice to not do the thing. You have assumed that they are entirely capable of doing the thing in this moment, but they have chosen not to. Based on this reasoning, all my kid needs is more rewards offered and more consequences given. Then they will learn to make the ‘right choice’, and just do the thing.
This is so incorrect.
As Dr Ross Greene says, kids do well if they can.
My kid WILL do the thing WHEN HE CAN.
When he doesn’t, it’s probably because he’s too dysregulated.
It’s probably because he has absolutely no mental energy left.
It could be because he’s had to mask hard all day and he’s got nothing left to give.
It could be because he can’t access his executive function skills in this moment.
It could be because he’s not ok inside.
It could be because he is too sad.
It could be because he is a perfectionist and doesn’t think he can do the thing perfectly right this minute.
It could be because his head is pounding from massive sensory overload.
It could be anxiety.
It could be because he has learnt that mistakes are punished here.
It could be that he is minutes away from shutting down.
It could be all these things.
When my kid doesn’t do the thing, it is because he can’t- not because he won’t.
Do not make the mistake of thinking that my kid just isn’t trying hard enough.
He tries so much harder than you will ever know.
Em 🌈
AuDHD SLP
