Feather your own nest

23/09/2025

A Tuesday gift for you. I love this insight into the DARVO acronym and since first hearing about it, it just made immediate sense when dealing tricky people.

A Defense Against Gaslighting Sociopaths
If you can recognize their signature move, then forewarned is forearmed.
~ Arthur C. Brooks

“What just happened?” you’re asking yourself.

You knew the conversation would be tricky because you had to tackle someone about their misbehavior. Maybe it was a colleague who claimed your work idea as their own; maybe it was a new friend who said nasty things behind your back; or maybe it was a romantic partner who was unfaithful. The evidence is incontrovertible—so much so that, had the boot been on the other foot, you would be confessing your error and asking for forgiveness. But that’s not this person’s MO.

No, in the face of clear wrongdoing, they denied everything. Instead of showing contrition, they counterattacked, maybe even accusing you of the very behavior they committed. To top it off, they played the victim and cast you as the real offender. The whole interaction left you upset and confused—even questioning your perception. Is it possible that you got the whole thing backwards?

Congratulations, you have just been mugged by DARVO, an acronym that stands for “Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.” DARVO is a technique we may well encounter in our daily life when dealing with sociopathic personalities. This type of person-to-person psychological warfare is designed to deflect any penalty for misbehavior, and turn it instead into an opportunity to gain power over you. For a well-adjusted, mentally healthy person, to be DARVO’d is a bewildering and unsettling experience. But once you understand how the technique works, you’ll never have to be its victim again.

What type of person tends to gaslight others most effectively? The answer is the Dark Triad, the estimated 7 percent of the population I’ve written about previously who have above-average levels of three negative personality traits: narcissism (it’s all about me), Machiavellianism (I’m willing to hurt you to get what I want), and psychopathy (I feel no empathy for you and no remorse when I victimize you).

An obvious course of action, if you believe you have been a DARVO victim, is to avoid the perpetrator in the future. Dark Triads don’t generally change their ways, because they can’t alter the gray matter governing their emotional regulation and reward systems. Further, their psychopathic tendencies make them incapable of remorse: If you’re not sorry for doing something, and it yielded the results you sought, you will go on doing it.

Adishonest person, however, never admits to having misjudged another person, and will gladly turn defense into offense. So be alert to DARVO, and learn to avoid the perpetrators.

20/09/2025

11/09/2025

Helle’s to growth

11/09/2025

Clever words 🫶⚓️

You don't fight your demons. You talk with them.

They aren't here to destroy you; they're here to be understood by you.

Remember: what is understood cannot be feared.

This is the heart of Shadow Work.

When you stop resisting and start listening, your fears transform from terrifying monsters into simply misunderstood parts of yourself.

That’s because these shadows carry lessons, shaped from your past pain and insecurities.

And the more you engage in conversation with them, the more you realize they were never your enemy; they are fragments of your humanity calling out to you for acknowledgment and healing.

When you engage in this dialogue with your shadows, you’ll discover that what is understood cannot be feared ✨

So next time you feel those familiar “demons” come visit, pause for a moment before judging or numbing them out. And instead ask:

“What are you here to teach me?”

This act of listening can be the start of profound healing. I know it’s been for me.

When you embrace your shadows, you’re no longer fighting the old version of yourself—you’re INTEGRATING it. And this integration is what leads to authentic growth.

If you’re new to shadow work and want some clear guidance on how to move through it, I’ve created a step-by-step guide to get you started🤍

With the “14 Days of Shadow Work” E-Guide, you will learn how to:

✅ Identify & move through emotional triggers

✅ Cultivate emotional resilience and self-awareness

✅ Transform limiting beliefs (the ones that live in the shadows and run the show)

✅ Create lasting change by giving you a set of new tools and skills with which to meet yourself with more grace

➡️ Comment or DM the word “SHADOW” and I’ll send you the guide!

With all my love,
Jovanny Ferreyra
Transformational Coach
Founder of The Artidote

Artwork by agnes-cecile

08/09/2025

“Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in America today,” Arthur C. Brooks writes. The key to conquering feelings of dread may be seeing it as part of “the great opportunity and adventure of life.” https://theatln.tc/Ka8yfHHe

In the 19th century, the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard identified anxiety as “an adventure which every man has to affront.” To most people, anxiety seems like something to eliminate if at all possible. But for some, “within healthy boundaries and when properly managed, anxiety is an integral part of life that can afford learning, raise performance, and even make life an adventure.”

Although anxiety can seem, at any level, like an “unmitigated evil,” Brooks writes, “anecdotal accounts also attest to some upside to feeling anxious: Even people who experience what is generally regarded as a debilitating level have noted that they derive some emotional benefits from their anxiety.” Some people have found that anxiety can raise one’s awareness of others, promote empathy, and bring one greater self-knowledge.

As for a Kierkegaardian adventure, research suggests that when people are given a task, and feel some level of anxiety but are not overwhelmed by it, their “flow” states reach their highest levels. “Perhaps you can relate to feeling fully alive when you’re working within your abilities but are just on the edge of them,” Brooks explains. The idea of adventure can also be philosophical: Researchers have found that although people do not wish to relive stressful events, they later tend to report various benefits from their exposure to anxiety. “They felt freed from limitations imposed by their past life,” Brook writes, and “had a clearer understanding of life’s meaning.”

A disorder such as anxiety that involves dysregulated and debilitating anxiety “should not be minimized,” Brooks writes. “But anxiety per se is not the enemy; it can even be a friend if understood and managed correctly.” The first step is to accept anxiety as a normal occurrence, not suppress it.

🎨: Jan Buchczik

23/08/2025

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-23/mankeeping-esther-perel-mental-load-heterosexual-relationships/105667154?utm_medium=social&utm_content=sf278296137&utm_campaign=abc_news&utm_source=m.facebook.com&fbclid=IwQ0xDSwMWQhNleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHhfb34PtGS20V97y1BKMFEee-PyLHMinihKnIzPur3t0wuED89hKXeCmaLiB_aem_BrQ59x_yExTGZQgWyozusw

Sharing feelings and downloading troubles with others occurs naturally when these close connections are maintained.

19/08/2025

https://www.lionsroar.com/pema-chodrons-three-methods-for-working-with-chaos/?utm_source=Lion%27s+Roar+Newsletter&utm_campaign=f388fe4f28-WEEKEND_READER_2025_05_30_COPY_01&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-e9963221fa-21397337&goal=0_1988ee44b2-f388fe4f28-21397337&mc_cid=f388fe4f28&mc_eid=6ba11a1692&fbclid=IwQ0xDSwMQ8bhleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHnA-yGa2CC1zfCFUJAuzao5_5vxXvL0lkN0rPlWxRO2KeIn1mVphDvTSEWj0_aem_ISv34MaDWC7ix5Pn6yEMKg

Pema Chödrön describes three ways to use our problems as the path to awakening and joy.

07/08/2025

In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, that…
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy.
For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger –
something better, pushing right back.

Albert Camus

P.S 3 weeks until Spring!!

06/08/2025

One day, you will meet people who will not just acknowledge your existence but value it.

You will find a job that recognizes your strengths and passion and lets you play with it. You will find a mentor who believes in you and pushes you to your limits. You will earn an audience that values your work. You will meet strangers to tell you that nothing is wrong about how big your dreams are and how wild your drive is. You will meet friends who don’t just include you but make you a part of a whole. You will meet someone who makes you feel that you aren’t hard to love, you aren’t difficult, and you aren’t delusional for wanting a love that’s both securing and freeing. One day you’ll find an environment that brings out the best version of you rather than the survivor version of you.

One day, you will cross paths with things and people that are good for your soul. One day, you’ll find your place in this world.

— Ali

— Artwork : wifi313 (IG)

23/07/2025

5 ways to Stop Worrying

1. Make a Decision

One of the surest ways to stop worrying about an unresolved issue is to make a decision. Making a bad decision may often be better than doing nothing. It can immediately resolve the stress if you finally decide to quit that job, sell the house, or make that phone call. Nothing can crowd your mind with worry quite so much as decisions waiting to be made. Just make them and if they prove to be bad decisions, make new ones.

2. Act on your decision

Any action towards a goal tends to diminish worry. Sitting and thinking too much about a goal especially if you dwell on the hurdles, will cause you worry and stress. Plan well but when you drift towards worry start doing something positive.

3. Confront Real Problems

How to stop worrying when there are real problems? Confront them head – on. More than the problems themselves it is the anticipation of the problems that causes worry. Confront them head on as soon as possible, and resolve them to the greatest extent possible.

4. Use Mental Categories

If there are too many things going on in your head write them down on lists. If you are thinking too much about something and you sit down to schedule a time to work on it, then it is easier to mentally let go of it. Write down that phone call needs to be on tomorrow’s list, and you will feel less worried now. You are creating “mental categories” when you do this. Even telling yourself something like, “There is nothing I can do about this until Monday” can put the worry into the category of “nothing to worry about now”.

5. How to Stop Worrying by Meditating

Meditation can be a great way to relax and stop worrying. Develop a regular practice and use it to calm your mind bring yourself into the present and reduce the anxiety and stress that can be held in your body.

20/06/2025

Timeless wisdom from Kahlil Gabran ❤️ ⚓️

22/05/2025

When the weight of the world becomes too much to bear, step outside and look up. The stars won’t solve your problems, but they’ll remind you that you are part of something vast and beautiful, that even in the darkest nights, light still finds a way to shine through.

Sometimes, that quiet moment under the sky is all you need to begin again. And in that stillness, you may hear the gentle whisper of hope, soft, but steady, reminding you that you’re not alone and that even the longest night, eventually gives way to light.

~ 'The Longest Night Gives Way To Light' by Spirit of a Hippie

✍️ Mary Anne Byrne

~ Art by Rowan Lewgalon