Essential Psychology

08/04/2024

For all those who are deemed to be 'fine' because they internalise their issues. For all those whose good grades hide their struggles. For all those who don't get the support they so desperately need because they 'don't look autistic'. I see you and I hear you. And it's time to make a change!

27/01/2024

Never doubt for a second that tiny humans are fully and completely human, little people with plans and goals and opinions and tastes and wants and needs that are just as valid as ours. Give them space to grow and explore. Help them when they ask for it. Encourage them when they struggle. Support them when they fail. And guide them gently when they get off course. That is the heart of peaceful, respectful parenting.
-L.R.Knost

📷 💞
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📚Peaceful Parenting Resources: http://t.co/T8goym3P6Z 📚
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Please respect the work of authors, photographers, and artists. You are welcome to share provided you include appropriate credit and do not crop out author’s names from quote memes. Thank you. 🙂

www.LRKnost.com

Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.

10/11/2023

02/11/2023

12/09/2023

I talk a lot about fluctuating capacity in neurodivergent people.

It leads to conversations about expectations, and whether it’s ok to push our kids to do hard things.

We don’t want to push our kids when they’re close to the edge. That just pushes them off.

When they’re emotional, dysregulated, unwell, exhausted, overwhelmed- this is not a time to push them. This is a time to reduce expectations and add support.

When our kids are well-regulated, emotionally ok, not mentally exhausted, in a good frame of mind- that is the time to provide opportunities for them to exceed expectations and ‘push’ themselves.

Yes?

Em 🌈🌻✌️
AuDHD SLP

22/08/2023

UNDERSTANDING SCHOOL ANXIETY...

What we see (exposed portion of the iceberg):
▪️ Feeling sick
▪️ Not sleeping
▪️ Tantrums
▪️ Stomach aches
▪️ Big emotions
▪️ Refusing to go to school
▪️ Crying
▪️ Being quiet

What might be underneath (unexposed portion of the iceberg):
▪️ Sensory overload
▪️ Find the work confusing and hard
▪️ Bullying
▪️ Learning difficulties
▪️ Don't know where to go
▪️ Feel lonely
▪️ Worries
▪️ Separation anxiety
▪️ Exam stress
▪️ Loud & busy classroom
▪️ Bereavement
▪️ Friendship difficulties
▪️ Unfamiliar faces
▪️ Young carer (carer responsibilities at home)

Credit: Lucy Roth (Educational Mental Health Practitioner) .

17/08/2023

15/08/2023

‘Your kid is fine at school. If they lose it at home after school, that’s a home problem.’

Yeah, no.

Let’s talk after-school restraint collapse.

Basically our kids wear themselves out at school masking, trying to meet demands, being overwhelmed by sensory chaos, trying to navigate social interactions.

Often they hold it together just long enough to get home, and then they break. The smallest things seem to set them off and cause big emotional response.

Our kids are not overreacting. They’re doing the best they can with no capacity and a body that is zapped.

What can we do about it? Get accommodations in place at school so that our kids are not coming home absolutely wrecked. For accommodation ideas, check out the free IEP document on my TPT. I’ll put the link in the comments.

Em 🌈🌻✌️
AuDHD SLP

06/06/2023

🌟These sometimes subtle early signs of dysregulation can be easily missed. Often they can be misinterpreted as a child “acting out” (especially by people other than you), when in fact it’s their nervous system heading into a fight/flight/freeze state of dysregulation.

❓Has your child ever had a meltdown or become dysregulated and you think "Wow that came out of no where!" (I have!) Guess what, chances are it didn't!

💫There is always some kind of preceding trigger, stressor, or a build up of over stimulation that led them to that point. It may have been something that happened minutes, hours or even a build up of a few days that led them to that point.

➡️Then later after everyone is regulated you think "Wait a minute I should have seen that coming.” I find this usually happens when I am distracted, dysregulated myself, or tired and I am not fully attuning to my child’s needs.

⭐️Attunement is the ability to be responsive, present and aware of someone's emotions. It is vital in the coregulation process. By attuning to your children and to yourselves we can begin to recognize the subtle changes in their level of arousal that are leading to dysregulation.

🎯Dysregulation can take
on many different looks and it presents differently in everyone. When you begin to attune to your child that's when you notice the little shifts in their level of arousal.

➡️When you start to notice those signs and see them drifting out of the "Just Right" or optimal level of arousal that's when you can step in and coregulate before it gets to a full fight, flight, freeze response often leading to a meltdown. That's when sensory strategies can be best used!

😊Don't beat yourself up if you miss some of the signs, we all do. Take note of it, so next time you will know how to respond, it’s a constant learning process!

🙋🏻‍♀️Are your child’s signs of dysregulation sometimes misinterpreted by others? Let me know in the comments!

Give this a share if this resonates with you and as a reminder for others!

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16/04/2023

Why isn't my neurodivergent child meeting my expectations?
Start at the white and find out.

Em 😊🌈✌
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Image description: Pink background with white cloud that reads 'Child doesn't meet expectation.'

Arrow points to the question, 'Was someone expecting neurotypical skills/behaviour?'

Arrows point to two options, yes or no.

If yes, then 'Unreasonable expectation. Learn from ND (neurodivergent voices).

If no, then 'Has your kid been in a busy or overwhelming place?'

Arrow point to two different options, yes or no.

If yes, then 'They're probably dysregulated.' How to help? 'Meet sensory needs, remove demands, connect, comfort, don't criticise.' 'Help them learn about unmasking.'

If no, 'Is it late in the day?'

If yes, follow the 'They're probably dysregulated' path.

If the answer is 'no,' then ask 'Is your kid out of spoons?'

If the answer is 'probably', then 'meet sensory needs, remove demands, etc.'

If the answer is 'unsure,' then ask 'Have they been masking all day/week?'

If the answer is 'yes, then 'teach them about unmasking'

If the answer is 'unsure' then ask 'Was the expectation reasonable for how old they are?'

If the answer is 'maybe not', then 'recalibrate your expectations'.

If the answer is 'yes,' then ask 'Do they have all of the skills needed to meet the expectation?'

If the answer is 'maybe not', then 'Modify expectation, give support, teach, model, connect - don't criticise.'

If the answer is 'they've done it before', then remember that 'Autism is a dynamic disability - skills fluctuate day to day'.

Arrow leads to a bubble that reads, 'Kids do well if they can. Sometimes kids can't meet expectations despite trying their best.'

Arrow leads to a yellow box that reads, 'Meet them with empathy, patience, love. Provide support. Model the behaviour. Accommodations to prevent dysregulation. Connect, don't criticise. No behaviour training.'

NeuroWild logo is in the lower right corner.

04/04/2023

Anxious kids are brave kids, but their courage might show itself in different ways. For some kids, even being at school, or trying something unfamiliar, or asking a question in class, will take more courage than we could ever know. Courage is about moving right up to the edge of what feels safe and moving just beyond. Kids with anxiety do this all the time.

Sometimes, the support offered to kids with an anxiety at school - as well meaning and generously intended as it will be - might miss the mark. It’s not enough to have an adult there to support a child or teen who is feeling anxious. Of course it’s a really important start, but the relationship has to feel warm, loving and safe for the child.

It’s also not enough to have ‘behaviour plans’ in place to support big behaviour that is fuelled by anxiety. There has to also be a loving, warm, functioning attachment relationship with a trusted adult. Relationship is the most powerful way to support a felt sense of safety. This will help ease the anxiety which is driving the behaviour.

Similarly, all the academic support won’t land the way it needs to unless that child or teen has a felt sense of safety while they are learning. An anxious brain can’t learn. Anxiety sends the ‘thinking brain’ offline. It is this way for all of us. None of us can think clearly or learn new things when we’re anxious. Relational safety first, then the way for learning and behaviour will open up.

Anxiety tells a deficiency story to our kids and teens - that they aren’t strong enough, good enough, brave enough. Relationship with a trusted, warm, loving, strong adult helps our kids feel bigger than that deficiency story. It send the message, ‘I see you, I’m with you, and I believe in you. We’ll do this together until you can do it on your own. What tiny step can you take that was braver than last time? I know it feels big. It’s okay to be scared and you are safe. I’m here. You can let go of the guard rails because I’m holding on to you. And I’ll catch you if you fall.’♥️

28/02/2023

The brain’s priority is always safety. This isn’t about about what is actually safe or not, but about what the brain perceives.

A felt sense of relational safety is as important as felt physical safety (freedom from threat, hunger, pain, exhaustion, sensory overload/ underload.

Anything that makes us feel unwelcome, minimised, ignored, shamed, will register threat in the brain. When this happens all resources are diverted to re-establishing felt safety. This means the resources that were being used for play, learning, relationships, good decision making are now being rallied for fight, flight, shutdown.

On the outside this can look like fight behaviour (aggression, anger, tantrums, irritation, frustration), flight behaviour (avoidance, procrastination, disconnection, clinginess or difficulty separating (if they don’t have a felt sense of enough certainty of relational safety in the environment they’re going to), or shutdown and withdrawal.

This is why validation and connection is so important before we try to correct, redirect or teach. When they feel close to us, and when they can see our intent is to support them through a hard time, or work with them on ways to do better next time, we will have full access to the thinking brain. We need this if we want to guide, teach, and have meaningful influence.

Of course, this doesn’t mean ‘no boundaries’. It means be firm on the behaviour (‘I won’t let you …’) but gentle on the relationship (‘And I’m right here …).

It also means separating them from their behaviour, (‘You’re a really great kid. I know you know that behaviour isn’t okay. How can you put this right?’)

It’s also why making sure an anxious child has an adult at school they feel close to and safe with is an important part of moving through separation anxiety at school. Remember though, separation anxiety or big behaviour at school doesn’t mean they aren’t safe, just that the brain isn’t quite convinced yet. Relationships take time and trust takes time, but the investment in that time will always be worth it.♥️