21/04/2024
Go to the crying child. The wrong coloured pencil, the sand in their shoe, the book that they didn’t want to read - it’s all a big deal to them.
Think about the life experiences they’ve had. They haven’t experienced what we have and therefore have no frame of reference for how big their problem objectively is (or from an adult’s point of view).
Children under 7 are also still in the egocentric stage of development, where everything is all about them.
Plus, their prefrontal cortex isn’t anywhere near as developed as an adult’s, meaning they don’t have the ability to regulate themselves, or are only just beginning to learn this.
Dismissing their feelings (e.g. “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”…) or leaving them to deal with their emotions on their own can stay with them. If it happens consistently without a caregiver acknowledging or repairing afterwards, it can be stored in their brain and body along with other similar experiences (in their implicit memory), and contribute to their core beliefs (schemas), perceptions, and assumptions about the world as they grow up.
Meeting a child’s feelings with shame, ridicule or punishment also puts their nervous system under stress and their brain in a more reactive state, meaning they will remain in a heightened state and be more likely to become upset or triggered again.
There is just too much research and evidence behind this for it to be ignored.⠀
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If a child is upset, go to them.
And as always - parents, teachers, anyone caring for children - we don’t have to get it right 100% of the time. We just have to be good enough. We’re all still learning and doing the best we can with the resources we have.
