02/09/2025
✨ Trigger Warning: Su***de & Mental Health ✨
This week marks three years since my partner, Johno, took his own life. September 3rd, 2022. So many lives of those who loved him were changed forever- including mine.
I’ve never really had a public space to share what that was like — for me, for his children, for his family — because su***de is still spoken about in whispers. It makes people uncomfortable. Too often, it is tucked away in silence and shame. But silence doesn’t heal. And silence doesn’t save lives.
I was there the night Johno died. I found him in his most desperate moment. That memory lives in my body. And while I’ve come to a deep acceptance of his choice, I also carry anger — at the systems that failed him, the medication that wasn’t right for him, the lack of support and understanding for his trauma. I question myself - as a mental health professional why didn’t I prevent this from happening- how was I so blind? I know I’m not alone in that anger.
This year, one of my own clients also took his life. Friends of mine have lost men they love. It keeps happening. And it feels like we are still dancing around the truth. R U OK? Day is coming up, and while it matters, it can’t just be one day of lip service. We have to go deeper.
Our men are under enormous pressure. Financial stress, health struggles, the weight of providing and protecting — all without a culture that encourages them to have vulnerable, soul-level conversations. Women have circles. We gather and we talk. Too many men are carrying the unbearable alone.
I don’t write this as a victim. I write this because I loved Johno. Because I still love him. And because I believe we can do better. We have to do better. How many more lives must we lose before we realise that we are all part of the solution — or part of the problem if we stay silent?
And here is the deeper truth: change doesn’t just happen “out there.” We each have a personal responsibility to look within, to sit with our pain instead of numbing it, to heal our own core wounds, to break the cycles of intergenerational trauma that quietly run our lives. When we ignore our inner world, it shows up in our outer world — in our relationships, in our health, in the way despair can overtake us. When we choose to do our inner work, we not only free ourselves, we become part of the collective healing.
To anyone who is struggling: please know your pain is not too heavy to share. Please know your life matters more than your role, your paycheck, your ability to “hold it all together.” And to all of us: let’s not just ask the question “Are you OK?” once a year. Let’s create spaces where honesty is safe, where struggle is not shameful, and where reaching out is met with love, not fear.
Johno, I honour you this week and every week. I honour your children and your family. And I honour everyone who has lost someone in this way — I see you, I walk with you, and I know how heavy it can be.
Death is not the end — I feel that deeply in my soul. But while we are here, alive together, may we finally learn to hold one another better. And may we each have the courage to face our own shadows, so that together, we can end the cycles of pain that keep taking the ones we love.
💛 If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out. You are not alone.
📞 Lifeline 13 11 14
📞 Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
