Ingrid Wells

16/08/2025

❤️ LOVE AND ABUSE CANNOT COEXIST!!🖤

In her book "all about love", Bell Hooks suggests that "to truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication".

DO YOU KNOW THIS LOVE? Have you experienced this Love, or have you only experienced care? Or affection? We all want to know love, but are we choosing safe relationships because we never experienced trust and honesty - we grew up in dysfunctional families where only 'care' was available.

In The Road Less Travelled (1978) by M. Scott Peck, love is given a very particular definition — quite different from the common ideas of romance or dependency.

Peck defines love as:

"The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

A few key points from his explanation:

Love is not primarily a feeling (though feelings may accompany it) — it is an action and a commitment.

It requires effort, discipline, and choice, not just desire or attraction.

Genuine love involves both care for the other and responsibility for one’s own growth.

Dependency, obsession, or self-sacrifice that diminishes one’s own growth is not love.

LOVE IS AS LOVE DOES! 🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵💜❤️

12/08/2025

🫢 Do you often hear yourself OVERSHARING like me? 🗣

The Power of the Pause. ✋️💬🖐🗨✋️💭

Do you ever speak too quickly and later wish you had slowed down?

Whether it is oversharing when vulnerable or blurting when excited, both can leave us feeling exposed, misunderstood, or even regretting our words.

Often, this comes from old patterns, especially people-pleasing.

We learn to speak fast to fill silence, manage others' emotions, or create instant connection. The trouble is, in the rush to connect, we sometimes bypass our own safety, boundaries, or timing.

Here's a simple way to create choice before you speak:

1️⃣ Name the urge – Notice: Is this about protection or joy?

2️⃣ Check your light – Green (safe to share), Yellow (pause and check trust), Red (keep safe).

3️⃣ Ask the pause question – Protection: Am I speaking for me, or managing them? Joy: Would this feel even better if I let it land first?

4️⃣ Anchor your body – 2-second breath, tongue to roof of mouth, or hand over heart.

5️⃣ Use a holding phrase – 'Let me think about that...' or 'I'll come back to that.'

A pause does not kill connection – it deepens it. It allows you to choose your words instead of reacting, and that choice is where self-respect grows. 🤔💭🌟✨️💖️

05/08/2025

WHEN "SORRY" IS NOT sorry 😔🙄🤔 😔😥

I heard you say "Sorry, I fu #% up", but I never heard you apologise.

I love this children's book because it demonstrates the need for MEANING in your "SORRY". It needs to be more than words. SORRY NEEDS TO BE FELT!

"Sorry" is a word we often hear — but it doesn’t always mean what we hope it does.

An apology without accountability is just a word. It may soothe the surface, but it doesn’t heal the wound.
Real responsibility means acknowledging the impact of our actions, not just admitting they happened.

So what does it really mean to take responsibility?

👉 It means being willing to sit with discomfort,
👉 To face the consequences without defensiveness,
👉 To understand how someone else was hurt — even if it wasn’t intentional,
👉 And to make genuine change so the pattern doesn’t repeat.

In the work I do with families, couples, and individuals, this kind of responsibility is what opens the door to repair, trust, and real connection.

🌀 Accountability is love in action.

💬 I’d love to hear from you —
What does taking responsibility mean to you?

29/07/2025

Today I choose to See ME! Today I choose to LOVE ME first. ❤️❤️‍🩹💔💜💛

18/07/2025

My Soul, Spirit and Self connection.

16/07/2025

When the climb looks too big, and the journey too scary to do alone .... I'm here to walk beside you.

I currently have space for new clients (outreach or online). If you are starting out, or taking the next step in your healing journey, and looking for someone to take your hand - reach out.

16/07/2025

I love the way that INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS helps to make sense of relationship trauma. Narcissist relationships are hard to work out in thought alone. Making sense of why someone behaves so dangerously toward another is hard especially when you have been wounded by their wound protectors. I have found peace, and I am healing because IFS has helped me to understand and LOVE (with boundaries), my Self first, and then other wounded people.

I get asked this question all the time.

If you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship, you might be sorting through a deep fog—questioning your memory, your instincts, even your worth. That’s not just emotional confusion; it’s nervous system injury.

Gaslighting, blame-shifting, emotional withdrawal—these are real harms. And they can leave lasting imprints.

So let’s start here: You don’t owe compassion to someone who continually violates your boundaries.

That said—here’s what I’ve seen: narcissistic traits often develop as protective adaptations to early trauma. When a child grows up without being truly seen or soothed or loved, they build an identity that says, “If I can’t be loved for who I am, I’ll be admired for who others need or want me to be.”

But compassion for their pain does not require self-abandonment.

Insight doesn’t equal unlimited access.

Understanding doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment.

And here’s where I want to be clear: I don’t support the pathologizing or polarizing language that says “narcissists are evil,” “they can never change,” or “throw them away.” That kind of othering may feel justified at first, but it often keeps us stuck in cycles of blame, reactivity or feeling vicitmized—when what we really need is clarity, boundaries, and repair.

Healing isn’t about excusing behavior. It’s about seeing the full picture—how trauma can create protective masks—and deciding what you need to heal from.

Think of it like this: If someone’s drowning, they might pull others down with them. You can understand why they’re panicking. But you’re still allowed to swim to shore.

An integrative trauma approach means holding both: The reality of your pain AND the humanity of the person who caused it.

But here’s the key: accountability is non-negotiable.
For healing to happen—on either side—there must be willingness to look inward, repair harm, and grow.

If you’re fresh out of a narcissistic dynamic, your job isn’t to fix them. It’s to come home to yourself.

15/07/2025

UNBECOMING....and BECOMING

12/07/2025

Being REAL, honest, transparent. Taking the time out thats needed to heal. Embracing the love offered. 'Survive'.

Creating space—a space that’s safe, open, and gently prompted—allows real moments to surface.In this exclusive interview with BetterHelp, Lewis Capaldi opens...