03/04/2025
Why Keeping a Bedroom Tidy Can Be Hard for Some Neurodivergent People (and Why That’s Okay)
We’re having a bit of a clear-out at home, and I found myself in Number 4’s bedroom while Hubbie tackled Number 2’s. It struck me how similar they are in some ways—especially in their neurotype—but also how completely different they are in others.
One thing they do have in common? Keeping their rooms tidy is a real challenge.
When they got home from school, they were both so grateful. They didn’t see the mess the way we did, but they definitely felt the difference once it was gone. It got me thinking about why tidying is hard for some neurodivergent people and how we can support them without judgment.
Why Is Tidying So Difficult for Some Neurodivergent People?
For many neurodivergent individuals, especially those who are ADHD or autistic, keeping a bedroom tidy isn’t just about effort or motivation—it’s about how the brain processes tasks, organisation, and overwhelm. Here are a few reasons why:
1. Out of Sight, Out of Mind – If something gets put away in a drawer, it can feel like it’s disappeared completely. This leads to keeping things out in the open as a way to remember they exist—until it becomes an overwhelming sea of objects. This is Number 4. He often thinks he has fewer clothes than he has because he doesn’t think to look under his bed or down the side of a chest of drawers if he’s lost something. If items go in the wash, they have not only physically disappeared for him but his brain thinks they’ve *actually* disappeared.
2. Executive Function Challenges – Tidying requires planning, sequencing, decision-making, and task initiation—all things that can be difficult for those with executive function differences. Deciding where something belongs or figuring out where to start can feel like an impossible puzzle. Again, Number 4 finds this challenging. He gets paralysed by not knowing where to start, knowing where things should go and finding it hard not to be distracted by something shiny and interesting that he may find that he’s forgotten about.
3. Emotional Attachments & Object Permanence – Some neurodivergent people develop strong emotional connections to objects, making it hard to let go of things. Others struggle with object permanence, meaning if something is put away, it may as well not exist. Number 4 finds it very hard to throw things away. Knowing what to keep and what to let go can be impossible and she prefers it that I do this for her. How do you know what’s important when *everything’s* important?
4. Sensory Sensitivities – The process of tidying can be overwhelming—touching different textures, the sound of clutter being moved, or even the feeling of shifting an environment too drastically can be uncomfortable.
5. Task Paralysis & Overwhelm – Walking into a messy room can feel like standing at the base of a mountain. Where do you even begin? The overwhelm can be so intense that it leads to complete shutdown instead of action.
How We Can Support Without Shaming
It’s easy to see a messy room and assume it’s laziness, but for many neurodivergent people, it’s just the way their brain works. Instead of frustration, a little understanding and support can go a long way:
• Break it down – Instead of saying, “Clean your room,” which can feel too vague, try giving one step at a time: “Let’s start by putting all the laundry in the hamper.”
• Offer support – Sometimes, just having someone in the room to help start the process can make a huge difference.
• Respect their system – What looks like chaos to you might actually make sense to them. Instead of forcing traditional organisation, find what works for them.
• Celebrate the wins – Even small progress is progress. Encouragement and praise help build confidence rather than shame.
• Every so often do it for them to help them reset. Do make sure they are happy for you to do this though as like anyone, we’re all entitled to respect and privacy over our things.
Seeing the relief and gratitude from Number 2 and Number 4 when they walked into their tidied rooms reminded me that sometimes, we all just need a little help. And that’s okay.
