10/09/2025
centralcoastcounselling.com
Relationships
Conflict Styles:
Every couple will at some stage, and some more regularly than others, have conflict. This is a normal part of being in a relationship. Everyone has needs and this itself can cause conflict.
What is important is how each person navigates through conflict.
It isn’t about being right. It’s about listening to your partner and their needs. If each person listened to their partners needs, it would reduce the conflict.
However, some people don’t recognise their conflict style and therefore the conflict escalates.
It is important to navigate through conflict with empathy and respect for your partner.
Common Conflict Styles:
1. The Avoider,
Avoiders avoid conflict and may shut down, go silent, or distract themselves.
Avoiders do this to keep the peace however the issues remain unresolved overtime, this can build into frustration, contempt for their partner, and emotional disconnection.
2. The Aggressor.
Aggressive come in with raised voices, harsh words and tones and or dominance.
This style creates fear and defensiveness in their partner, leaving no room for problem-solving because their partner has shut down.
3. The Peacemaker.
Peacemakers given too quickly to keep the peace.
It may prevent escalation, however it leaves this person feeling unseen and unheard and resentful because they consistently sacrifice their needs.
4. The Competitor.
The competitor sees conflict as a battle to win.
They focus on proving their point, and often at the expense of their partner and the relationship. This is a win/lose dynamic, and not a team at work.
5. The Collaborator.
Collaborators approach conflict with curiosity and empathy.
They seek to understand, validate their partners feelings, and find solutions that meet both partners needs. This is the healthiest style, but it requires self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Why Conflict Styles Matter
When couples don’t understand their conflict styles, they can get stuck in negative, destructive cycles such as one partner pursuing with intensity while the other shuts down. Recognising your natural style gives you the power to choose a different response and break those unhealthy patterns.
How to Grow Healthier Conflict Habits.
Pause before reacting. Take a breath and notice your emotional state.
Communicate your needs calmly. Use and “I “, statements instead of blame.
Listen to understand. Your partner‘s perspective matters as much as your own.
Agree on time - outs. If emotions are too high, step away and revisit the issue later.
Aim for collaboration. Focus on solutions that strengthen the relationship, not just your position.
Conflict isn’t a sign of failure, or the end of a relationship. It’s an opportunity to understand each other’s needs. By recognising your conflict style and moving toward healthier ways of handling disagreements, you and your partner can transform conflict from something destructive into something that deepen connection.
If you would like support in this area, click on the link above for a booking today.
