The Balance Tree (2025)

18/11/2025

𝐋𝐄𝐓'𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊
𝐴𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑜𝑟 𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟?

When you are trying to get your message across do people feel like you are expressing your view whilst respecting their opinion or that you completely take over and push your message across to anyone who will listen? 😬

If you're not the Takeover type I'm sure you have experienced being on the other side of a pushy, opinionated person who cannot or will not listen to your thoughts and views. And, as we all know, it's not pleasant. Nor does it allow for growth, inclusion or productivity.

We can't change others but we can certainly learn more about effective communication and be an example to those around us. To assist with creating conversations that are balanced and open let's look at Agreement Frames.

Agreement Frames aren't about agreeing with everything the other person says and you backing down from 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 view. To the contrary! Being the People Pleaser or Yes Person is certainly not the way to a Balanced and Effective Life! Agreement Frames are about giving respect to the other person's opinion whilst, at the same time, expressing yours. It's about avoiding resistance from the other person, in order to keep them involved in the conversation and open up new ideas.

The three Agreement Frames are:
I appreciate ...
I agree ...
I respect ...

If someone tells you "I'm too busy to keep coming to meetings every week" you could respond with
"Everyone is busy - I need you to make the effort!" OR you could use an Agreement Frame:
"𝐼 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒 you are busy and as I value your input I'd love you to come each time."
"𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡 that you have a big workload at the moment and it would be great if you could attend every fortnight."
"𝐼 𝑎𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑒, you have a lot going on at the moment, and I would love you to share your findings next week with the others."
You can see the difference between the first response - putting your opinion across and shutting the other person down - and the Agreement Frame options.

It's important that when you say I appreciate, I agree or I respect, that you sincerely and legitimately do! You need to be sincere in your approach and choose your words carefully for this to be a win-win for all parties. Your goal is for the other person to feel listened to and to keep the lines of communication open and respectful.

I'd love to hear about your experiences with the Agreement Frames and what differences they made to your conversations.

14/11/2025

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11/11/2025

𝐋𝐄𝐓'𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊
𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑢𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑟𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡?

We hear about the importance of building rapport all the time, don't we. We know it's a great resource and a much-needed asset but how do we actually do it?

There are a variety of techniques you can use, some easy and some complicated, so I'd like to share with you some quick, easy and effective ones to get you started.

𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐓: Sounds easy but it can also get a little awkward - how long, how often, can I blink???? The important thing is to stay face-to-face. Try not to constantly look down, don't look at your phone/computer, or be distracted by movement around you or behind them. This is just as important on a video call as it is in real life. Honour the person's presence by being present.

𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐇𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐌: This is easier in person as you can see and hear their breathing pattern although can be achieved if you are online. This very simple exercise brings you both into alignment. It is also very powerful if the person is agitated/upset and their breathing is heightened. By breathing with them initially and then slowing down your own rhythm, they too will begin to calm down. This works brilliantly with children by the way!

𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄: This is a little trickier and takes a bit of practice but it's a fun one. Listen to their language - do they use:
visual words like "I 𝐬𝐞𝐞 today is ...", "Now, 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 ..." or perhaps auditory language like "I 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 that ...", "𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 great" or maybe they are tactile, saying things like "𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐝 on ...", "I 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 that ..." or is it a logical way of speaking like "I need to 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞", "I 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 that ...". These are all clues as to how they process the world around them. If you can match their "language" they will see/hear/feel understood!

I'd love to hear about your experiences with these three rapport builders and if you tried them face-to-face or online.

07/11/2025

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04/11/2025

𝐋𝐄𝐓'𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊
𝐷𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑟 𝐷𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑟?

Are you a Dreamer - someone who can visualise, imagine and see the big picture?
Or are you a Detailer - someone who likes the nitty-gritty, the details and a spreadsheet?

Although we can display both ways of thinking, most of us lean towards one or the other. Why is this important? Because if you know which one you are, then you will better understand how you convey your message to others, what you expect from a situation, and how you process information. Imagine what insights you will have if you know which one your boss, partner, colleague, child is!

If you are a Dreamer and you're in a meeting filled with Detailers then you are going to be very frustrated when you begin to share your long-term vision and all they are asking for is a detailed budget!

When you know yourself and your audience you will experience balanced and effective communication, greater productivity and a more harmonious environment.

Try it today - listen to the words your colleagues use. Is it around detail, spreadsheets, budgets and timelines or is it around vision, imagery, creativity and looking out? Be curious about who you're talking with and embrace the change!

I'd love to hear your experiences and whether you are a Dreamer or a Detailer.

31/10/2025

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28/10/2025

𝐋𝐄𝐓'𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊
𝐼𝑓 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑛 - 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑐𝑘!

I was recently speaking with a client who was keen to lose weight, eat healthier meals, exercise more and, in general, be healthier. I guided her through some processes to help her understand what she needed to reach these "health" goals. In all her thinking this "if and then" scenario kept forcing its way through - IF I lose weight THEN I'll be able to exercise ... IF I lose weight THEN I'll have more energy to prepare healthier meals ... IF I lose weight THEN I'll be happier ... IF I lose weight THEN ... Can you hear her logic!?

Everything she wanted to achieve was being blocked by the thought that losing weight had to be the first step. And yet, it was all the other steps that would help her to lose the weight! This limiting belief that her weight was holding her back from everything else was stopping her from doing everything else! Can you see how we do this do ourselves - thinking that we can only have one thing if something else happens.

Well ... what if ... we can have it all? And it all comes down to adding one little word to our vocab. Whilst.

I will exercise whilst losing weight
I will lose weight whilst having more energy
I will be happy whilst losing weight
I will lose weight whilst being happy

Can you feel the shift that this brings? We are giving ourselves permission to work in harmony with our goals.
So, focus on your ability to solve your own problems by being curious, being positive, looking for other options and knowing what it is that's holding you back.

I would love to hear back from you when you try this for yourself!

Need extra help with your IF/THEN? Feel free to contact me.

24/10/2025

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21/10/2025

𝐋𝐄𝐓'𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊
𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑢𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑛𝑜𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑙𝑦?

This can apply at work and at home, right!?
😕 You ask for something to be done and everyone looks at you as though you're not being serious
😕 You give a direction and everyone seems confused
😕 You say what you want and everyone pushes back
Have you experienced that?

There is a simple solution and yet it does require a little practice. It's called tonality and it goes like this.

When you are in command your tone goes DOWN 🔻 When it goes up it's received as a question and this is why you are not taken seriously, people are confused and you get push back!
💭Their thought process is "Does she want this or is she ASKING me ... which means I can say NO!"💭

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17/10/2025

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14/10/2025

𝐋𝐄𝐓'𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊
𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒?

We all want to be listened to. Whether we're about to say something out-of-this-world profound or to seek a simple request, there is nothing more annoying than the recipient responding with a "What?" or worse - being totally oblivious you've said a word!

So, how can you rectify this? Easy! Gain the person's attention by starting your sentence with their name. Our name is an important part of our identity, it is the easiest heard word across a crowded room - who doesn't turn around when they hear their name!

𝑫𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 “𝑨 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏’𝒔 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆.”

Using someone's name regularly, correctly and respectfully is a sign of courtesy. Do you remember how you felt when someone remembered your name after being introduced or at a meeting? We feel respected and more important. What about when someone used the wrong name or pronounced it incorrectly or you've had to repeat it several times? We may feel trivial and slighted.

So take your time and show respect when using someone's name. It is a powerful statement of respect and a brilliant word to gain their attention.

P.S. Out of curiousity - do you have a name that is regularly misspelt or mispronounced? Do you correct people or just let it go?

10/10/2025

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