The Beginnings Institute - Melanie Zammit

26/08/2025

Today my dad would have turned 80.

The last birthday I spent with him was his 67th. 28 days later, he was gone.

I was a little miffed with him that day (his birthday) — one of those small, passing tensions that happen in long relationships. I don’t carry guilt about it (I don't think). I didn’t know it would be our last birthday together.

Losing him so suddenly didn’t teach me to panic or “say everything now.”
It taught me something quieter: presence matters.

In my work supporting business partners, I see how often my clients get stuck. Not because they don’t care, but because they haven’t paused to notice what they are bringing into the painful parts.
· Old stories
· Protective patterns
· Unspoken expectations

Owning your part doesn’t mean taking all the blame. It means getting curious about yourself, your reactions, your beliefs, and how you show up when things get hard.

And honesty doesn’t mean blurting out every thought and feeling as it arrives.
It’s choosing your words intentionally, so they have the best chance of being heard.

We don’t know how many conversations we have left, but this isn’t about panic or fear.

It’s about showing up today, with more presence, curiosity, and compassion.

This is why I created my 9-step framework for people in BUSINESS PARTNERSHIPS, practical, research-based process to help partners move from stuck patterns into clarity and connection. It’s about learning to own your part, communicate differently, and build relationships and businesses that work.

29/04/2025

Testimonials are always so very affirming and due to the nature of of the conflict resolution and counselling industries, quite rare and so it is not lost on me how special this one is.

The real gift of this testimonial from my parenting mediation client is the absolute validation of my WHY. Why I do this work and why I am so committed to my clients.

Mediation should not feel transactional. The goal should always be that the way you both communicate in the future is healthier.

If the mediation signifies the closing of a partnership then the goal should always be that you have both have learnt something about yourselves and/or the other along the way.

Set your expectations high for mediation and work towards these because you deserve these kind of outcomes too.

If you are a business partnership going through counselling or mediation, the relationship you had before the partnership deserves this kind of outcome.

If you are a parent, going through mediation, your children are entitled to these kind of outcomes.

Reach out to me if you have a mediation or counselling need of any kind. I specialise in clients who want to feel like this client.

www.thebeginningsinstitute.com.au/consult/

01/02/2025

🌿 All the Feelings 🌿

As a mediator, counsellor, and conflict resolution specialist, I want to talk about something at the heart of everything I do: feelings.

I am deeply passionate about emotions as the gateway to all that is good (just ask my husband and kids!). But embracing feelings hasn’t always been easy. Growing up, I often felt like I was drowning in my emotions—all of them, all at once.

While this emotional depth has become a strength in my work, I know it wasn’t always welcome in the generation I grew up in.

For boys and men especially, the pressure to suppress emotions was, and still is, stronger than we like to admit. Anger, frustration, and avoidance were often the only “acceptable” emotions.

For the past eight years, alongside my counselling and mediation work, I’ve facilitated behaviour change programs for perpetrators of domestic and family violence.

After working with hundreds of clients, I’ve heard the same patterns over and over:
💬 They weren’t supported to express feelings like sadness or fear.
💬 If they did, they were shamed.
💬 Many lack the words to name their feelings, let alone express them in a way that fosters understanding.

This isn’t unique to them. It’s something I see in private practice, in people I know, and even in myself.

My parents weren’t taught to nurture emotional expression—how could I expect them to teach it to me? They were wonderful parents, but they simply didn’t know how.

In the years before my father passed, we grew closer. One day, he shared a painful experience. When I asked how he felt, he looked at me and said… he didn’t know. He couldn’t name the feeling. He didn’t have the vocabulary.
💡 That moment changed me. If they didn’t know how to do this, surely we must learn.

Because how can we teach emotional expression if we’re not living it? If we tell kids to "suck it up," or "it’ll build resilience," how will the cycle break?

My kids know I encourage them to share their feelings. They’ll also tell you I’m still working on my defensiveness (a topic for another post! 😅).
But just because I’m open to it doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s a process for them and me.

That’s the key: we all need to be taught

14/01/2025

🌟 The Silent Conflict: When "No Conflict" Isn't Peace 🌟

As a Counsellor and Mediator working with struggling partnerships, I often hear clients say, “We don’t really have much conflict.” On the surface, this sounds like a healthy relationship. But as we delve deeper, it often reveals a different reality, not the absence of conflict, but the presence of silent conflict.

Silent conflict occurs when unresolved issues linger beneath the surface, creating invisible walls between people. It’s the unspoken tension, the swept-under-the-rug feelings, and the unresolved conversations. While avoiding overt arguments might feel like preserving peace, it often does the opposite. Silence becomes heavy, and resentment quietly erodes trust and intimacy.

One of the most damaging aspects of silent conflict is stonewalling, a behaviour identified by Drs. John and Julie Gottman as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in relationships. Stonewalling—shutting down, emotionally withdrawing, or refusing to engage—can feel protective for the person doing it. But to the other, it can send an unintended but often deeply hurtful message: “Your feelings don’t matter enough for me to engage.”

Stonewalling doesn’t just harm communication; it can disrupt the alignment of the relationship itself. It can lead to stacking our unprocessed feelings that may eventually explode or result in a complete breakdown of connection.

Silent conflict can show up in any relationship dynamic: Intimate partners, Business partners, Employers/employees, Colleagues, Family members, Friendships, Committees, Clients/suppliers.

Personally, stonewalling is my greatest trigger. When I encounter it, it doesn’t just create frustration; it creates fear. It activates old, deeply rooted beliefs—that I’m not enough, that I’m unworthy of being heard, and that connection is fragile and fleeting. These reactions stem from my own history, and it’s something I’ve had to work on in both my personal and professional life.

I work hard to approach stonewalling with compassion—not only for myself but also for those who use it as a defence mechanism. It reminds me that beneath stonewalling often lies hurt, pain, or fear. A deep need for safety and protection.

But avoiding conflict isn’t the same as fostering peace.

Healthy relationships require open communication and emotional honesty. By “not causing a fuss,” we may be denying our relationships the opportunity to grow.

💡 Conflict, when handled with care, isn’t something to fear—it’s an opportunity to connect.

If you’ve felt the weight of silent conflict or stonewalling in any area of your life, know that you are certainly not alone.

👉 If you’re ready to build healthier partnerships reach out for a free chat. I can share with you a simple framework I use with my clients that has supported them to move from confusion, frustration and despair to aligned, open, transparent and productive partnerships

Counselling and Mediation can provide many benefits for couples, families and businesses. It can help communication and build stronger relationships.

09/01/2025

New Year Same Me

For the first time in a long time, I’m entering the new year feeling rested and okay with not chasing the "new year high."

You know, that heightened expectation that everything will feel fresh, exciting, and new just because the calendar flipped to January.

I tend to chase shiny bright things in this state of mind as well and the vicious cycle ensues. Oh the cycle.

Instead, I feel realistic, committed, and ready. I’m pacing myself and setting goals that are grounded, not in the illusion of a blank slate.

This might sound unevolved. Especially coming from someone who has been a therapist for almost 20 years and a regular therapy goer for even longer.

I still fall for the new year hype. Many of us do.

We often unconsciously imagine that leaving one year behind and stepping into the next will magically reset everything.

But the slate is never truly blank. We carry with us all the unresolved "stuff"—the things we procrastinate about, the emotional churn, the tricky dynamics we haven’t yet tackled.

Yes, January can be a time for inbox zero, but our emotional inboxes need consistent care.

This isn’t groundbreaking wisdom, but it’s my annual reminder—and maybe it can be yours too:

Don’t feel disheartened if that tough relationship dynamic is still there in January. Change doesn’t come overnight. But it can start with one small step.

This year, instead of reaching for the high of unrealistic expectations, let’s focus on one meaningful action to make things feel just a little bit better. Sometimes, that’s all it takes for a new beginning.

07/01/2025

Hope vs. Despair: Breaking the Cycle for True Alignment

As a Counsellor and Mediator, I see clients caught in the exhausting cycle of hope and despair.

I work with founders/owners in Business Partnerships who are stuck here and in my privileged position I help them get unstuck.

I saw it so often when I worked in the media/marketing, music and events industry.

I felt it myself when I was in Business Partnership (well twice actually - once with my close friend and once with my fiancé)

The hope: "Maybe things will improve if I just try harder or wait longer."
The despair: "Nothing is ever going to change."

This cycle is not only emotionally draining, but it also disrupts sleep, focus, and the ability to feel truly at ease as we move through the day.

This cycle can pull us out of alignment with ourselves and leaves us dysregulated, stuck in survival mode.

It can affect other relationships in our lives.

But there’s a way out.

Breaking free from this pattern doesn’t mean abandoning hope—it means redefining it.

It’s about moving toward clarity, better communication, greater trust and alignment.

When we understand our patterns, when we are truly fed up with them, we create space for real, sustainable change.

Imagine sleeping peacefully, moving through your day with ease, and making decisions that feel aligned with your values and needs.

Imagine not feeling uptight about facing your business partner in the office.

Imagine feeling excited again about the business you created or excited about your purpose again.

It’s not just possible—it’s within reach. Believe me, I know!

If this resonates with you, or if you’re feeling stuck in the hope-despair cycle, let’s connect.

Counselling and Mediation can provide many benefits for couples, families and businesses. It can help communication and build stronger relationships.

02/03/2024

IWD 2024 lunch listening to the warm and inspiring Jelena Dokic and supporting . Awesome event by the 😍💖

28/02/2024

A gift from a client 🙏 stop it 🥹

(tremendous bragging rights with my kids especially my 8 year old daughter who often says “take your counselling hat off thanks mum. I’m fiiiiiiiine!!!!!!”)

I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it, the work I do is an absolute privledge. Watching people in relationships going from despair and locked patterns of communication, which seem insurmountable, to communication that feels safe and doable about topics that have previously felt so hot and loaded.

And here’s the thing, although these communication clashes often seem hopeless it really does not take much at all to start to feel so much better together. I promise.

Gottman s Four Horsemen is a great place to start. Have a read and start to notice what you might do when you are in a conversation with your partner and you feel under pressure or stressed. What do you typically do?

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

If this is helpful and you’d like to know more then book some time with me to chat about how I can support you to build on this.

https://thebeginningsinstitute.com.au/consult/

16/11/2023

Getting ready to present my workshop on Relationship Counselling, Separation and the Law. Hopefully this will provide some information and support to my Relationship Therapist peers when dealing clients separating and divorcing. What a privilege. Online is always great ….it means no shoes 😉

07/08/2023

Are you in the process of separating / divorcing?

Feeling lost and maybe confused?

Not sure where to step, which piece of advice to listen to, what is best for you and your children?

This can be an overwhelming time for you and this can be compounded if you also have children.

Ever wondered what the Parenting and/or Property Mediation process looks like?

Have you had friends tell you that have been through this?

Have you had your family lawyer suggest this as an option?

As a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, these are the steps I take in Mediation.

And what I bring to this process for you and your ex partner is my extensive background in relationship therapy, relationship communication and conflict management.

I share this visual because this part should not feel harder or more unknown than the feelings you may already be experiencing.

If you would like to learn more please do book in for a free discovery call. I can share more, point you in the right direction and give some clarity to all the information that may be coming at you.

https://thebeginningsinstitute.com.au/consult/

22/06/2017

This seems to be the most apt description of grief and the journey/path it takes. What a wonderful metaphor for what can rarely be explained with words.

Via

31/05/2017

Thinking expansive thoughts today. Where are your thoughts directed?