Dementia Stole My Mother

Dementia Stole My Mother This is a page to record my journey of discovery as I watch my mother and Dementia doing their dance of control together.

09/10/2022

It helps to journal my experience as mum has become ‘attached’ to Dementia. Treating dementia as the visitor to my mum, who has become like mum’s annoying partner, allows me to understand that my mum is still there. She’s just unfairly influenced by a naughty, sneaky & mischievous friend! I hope you find some positivity in my stories. They can be funny, endearing & precious but they all allow the unsolicited journey that we are on to be bearable. Please get in contact & share, as I’d love others to be able to readjust their perspective, as I have, in order to cope & traverse the journey safely, without damaging yourself nor your loved ones. Go well! 🥰❤️🙏

Dementia stole my mother. This time dementia took my mother for good. We will miss my mother, her humour, her compassion...
11/04/2020

Dementia stole my mother. This time dementia took my mother for good. We will miss my mother, her humour, her compassion, her total and complete commitment and love for her family and her work in the community, but we will not miss her friend dementia. I guess it was mum's way of finally saying goodbye to dementia and being at peace. Farewell mum. I know you will remain at my side as I navigate this new journey of grief. Love you ###xx Free at last

Dementia has been a little naughty lately. Mum wanted to do the dishes. Easy task and there weren't very many dishes. Mu...
16/03/2020

Dementia has been a little naughty lately. Mum wanted to do the dishes. Easy task and there weren't very many dishes. Mum put the plug in and turned the taps on. She checked the temperature and was happy. Then Dementia distracted her and took her into the garden. Dementia decided that the garden needed watering. Must have been the thought of all that water in the sink. So Dementia and Mum spent all that time in the garden watering the plants. Meanwhile, in the kitchen ............! Eeeeeek!

Sometimes I just LOVE Dementia! Mum absolutely loves Christmas. She really likes giving presents to the grandkids, she a...
28/12/2019

Sometimes I just LOVE Dementia!

Mum absolutely loves Christmas. She really likes giving presents to the grandkids, she adores the excitement, happiness and kindness that the festive season brings her. She always enjoys the preparation of the food, the excitement of the crackers, Christmas hats and silly jokes. The celebration that comes with Christmas makes her so very very happy and she looks forward to it every year. This year, her first Christmas in the nursing home, may have been a challenging one for someone who enjoys the process, yet has no control over it. However, enter Dementia!

Dementia enabled Mum to have many Christmas'. Her Christmas party at the nursing home, complete with decorations, wine, beer, pudding, presents and Christmas crackers, happened well before Christmas Day - but dementia told mum it was Christmas Day! She had a blast, with my Dad and everyone else. It was like old times, with lots of family around, laughter, plenty of food and an all round grand old time!
Christmas Day was arranged with husband, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren! However mum was sick, very sick and could not attend. The following day, after a trip to the hospital, she was getting better. The day after (today, the 28th), she had her Christmas Day and Dementia told her it was Christmas Day and she celebrated all over again! What a day! Complete with all the things she loves about Christmas, she was in her element.

Thank you Dementia. You have allowed my Mum to enjoy two amazing Christmas', neither on Christmas Day and she was extremely happy, content and well loved.

Dementia - you little gem, you are sometimes, a gift!

Mum loves to shop, but it's not my most favourite thing. Actually, I hate shopping - it's true! However, I like to take ...
14/12/2019

Mum loves to shop, but it's not my most favourite thing. Actually, I hate shopping - it's true! However, I like to take Mum out shopping sometimes, just because I know how much she loves it. Dementia always comes with us, which can cause some problems because dementia takes mum in different directions and before long, Mum doesn't know where she is! Anyway, this day I was careful to stay with mum so that dementia didn't take her off somewhere else. We were having an awesome time and Mum was so very happy, I was determined to keep it that way. At the counter the shop assistant, who knew Mum well, asked how things were. Dementia jumped in first and said "Oh things aren't good. Colin's father is in hospital and he's not very well. We are so worried about him". The shop assistant, looked at me quizzically, knowing that Dad's father died many, many years ago. I gently shook my head. The Shop Assistant, as quick as you like, ignored dementia and continued having a wonderful, positive conversation with Mum, ensuring that her experience shopping, was a memorable one. It's wonderful when others are aware and compassionate about dementia and its impact on those that they attach themselves to.

There was a great opportunity for Mum to head out on a trip to the beach. She was reminded about the trip and she was ex...
08/12/2019

There was a great opportunity for Mum to head out on a trip to the beach. She was reminded about the trip and she was excited. She loves walking along the beach. Staff went to collect her. Dementia wasn't ready. Mum said "I'll get ready, come back later". Later, staff came to collect her to join the others on the bus. Dementia still wasn't ready. Dementia wasn't sure what to do to get ready. Dementia couldn't remember what that meant - 'to get ready', so neither dementia nor Mum were ready. Dementia was a bit confused so Mum calmed dementia down and told the staff, she wouldn't be going on the trip today. "Maybe another day, thank you." Mum was a bit sad, but dementia felt a bit relieved. It's a funny relationship.

A family friend visited Mum yesterday and took her 5 year old daughter with her. Mum had never met the little girl befor...
01/12/2019

A family friend visited Mum yesterday and took her 5 year old daughter with her. Mum had never met the little girl before, but there was an immediate connection. They laughed and played games, completely ignoring our family friend. Mum took her to the Rose garden and showed her all the roses, talking about how to care for them and they picked a few and arranged them in a vase ready for Mum's room. They were both so very happy and the hour went quickly. The little girl asked her mother if she could visit again and they agreed, they would both love it. Mum was in her element, after all she raised four children, eight grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren - this is something that she knows, is good at and loves! Dementia stayed in their room. There was no place for dementia when Mum was so busy with that which she loves most. It was a precious visit.

Mum is in a relationship with FTD. Although we call her partner 'dementia', their full name is Frontotemporal Dementia. ...
24/11/2019

Mum is in a relationship with FTD. Although we call her partner 'dementia', their full name is Frontotemporal Dementia. We don't approve of this relationship. However, there is nothing we can do about it. It's permanent and we need to accept it. Sometimes FTD gets us very upset because Dementia is a pain and turns up a negative and nasty partner. On other days FTD can be funny, quirky and just a little charming. It's those days that we can embrace this relationship that Mum has and realise that it is now a part of who she is. We love her unconditionally, despite the impact her relationship with FTD may have on what she does or says. She is still the most loving, caring, warm and funny mother we could hope for. And regardless of her unconventional relationship with dementia, we adore her!

Decided to have lunch with Mum and Dad. (Don't tell anyone, but the food is really good in the nursing home!). They alwa...
19/11/2019

Decided to have lunch with Mum and Dad. (Don't tell anyone, but the food is really good in the nursing home!). They always get a choice and we made our choices and waited for it to arrive. As it did, we were salivating at our choices! Dad and I chose salt & pepper calamari - yum! Mum chose Butter chicken. She took a bite. Dementia said "yuk this is horrible! I don't think I ordered this!" Dad said "yes you did, that's your choice" Dementia thought about it for a while. And said "Colin, would you like to swap lunch? This is lovely, very tasty. You would love it." Dad had a giggle and let dementia know that there will be no swap! Sometimes dementia makes us laugh - a lot! :)

I couldn't find mum on my visit to the nursing home. I looked so carefully, but she just wasn't there. She was nowhere t...
14/11/2019

I couldn't find mum on my visit to the nursing home. I looked so carefully, but she just wasn't there. She was nowhere to be found. Dementia was though and they were not happy. Dementia told me that I needed to take them home. I told dementia I couldn't. Dementia was pretty horrible and told me I was mean and if I wasn't going to help them, I should just go home! I was no use to Dementia if I didn't care about them. I looked again, but there was not even a spark of Mum anywhere. I went home without seeing Mum at all. Oh well, I'll visit Mum again another day. She'll be there then.

Visiting Mum and her friend, Dementia.Mum: "How's the kids?"Me: "Great! Tam & Chris are doing well, getting used to havi...
10/11/2019

Visiting Mum and her friend, Dementia.
Mum: "How's the kids?"
Me: "Great! Tam & Chris are doing well, getting used to having four kids. Their kids are just gorgeous. They're going travelling soon. Matt & Jess have bought their first home, they both have awesome jobs, so they're settled and very happy. Trent & Loren doing so well with their work and living happily, not far from where they work. Thomas & Em have just been to Queensland on an all expenses paid trip for by the Cocktail competition Thomas won. Em's finished Uni. They are super happy. Connor is enjoying Uni and is still working in the Pet store. Loves his Trivia nights and seems really happy too. So yeah, they're all doing so really really well. They send their love."
Mum: "Oh that's nice dear."

Slight pause

Mum: "So darling, how are the kids going?"

😳😱😂🥰

Mum's in the Nursing home & the staff are amazing. She's pretty happy there, there's so much to do and she's pretty good...
09/11/2019

Mum's in the Nursing home & the staff are amazing. She's pretty happy there, there's so much to do and she's pretty good at Bingo now! But sometimes Dementia confuses her and she thinks she has to pack her things. Dementia convinces her that she's leaving. Recently Dementia packed their bags. Dementia walked down to the Nursing station and explained to the staff that they had a 4.30pm flight and could they look after their suitcase, please? "Of course" said the staff, "we'll leave it here until you're ready." Mum was a little unsure but the staff asked her to wait a minute, then gave her a boarding pass and took her to the 'Transit Lounge' to wait to be called. Mum was very happy. It wasn't long before a new Bingo game started and she found her seat and settled in. Dementia realised they'd been tricked again!

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Wollongong, NSW

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