25/11/2025
When I first had Koa, I had every sleep setup under the sun. A bassinet by the bed, a little in-bed “cosleeper,” a cot in a seperate room for when she was older … I had all the things we are told will help us keep our babies close while still maintaining that invisible boundary of “safe sleep.”
I knew in my bones that I would want her near me, but there was also this quiet fear humming in the background, the one so many of us inherit… the fear that bringing your baby into your bed is dangerous, risky, irresponsible.
SIDS messaging had been drummed into me from every angle, and even though my instincts whispered otherwise, that fear was loud.
But as I continued my studies and more importantly as I simply mothered her and learnt how strong my instincts were, I learned something that changed everything.
For breastfeeding mothers who are drug and alcohol free, bedsharing is not only normal, it is biologically wired.
Our bodies and our babies’ bodies communicate in ways that protect them. Our curled posture, their instinctive positioning, the nocturnal feeding rhythm, the way we both drift in and out of light sleep.
James J McKenna calls it “breast sleeping,” and when I first read and listened to his work, it felt like a deep exhale. It put science to what I was already feeling in my bones.
Cosleeping with my girls has been one of the most beautiful, regulating, bonding parts of motherhood for me. Those warm little bodies, the way their breath changes as they settle, the ease of feeding half asleep, the oxytocin soaking into both of us.
And most of all, the peace that comes with trusting what feels right.
This is not about telling anyone what they should do. It is simply an invitation to look at the biology of mothers and babies with more compassion and less fear, and to remember that you are allowed to trust your instincts.
You are allowed to keep your baby close.
You are allowed to mother in a way that feels safe in your body.
If you’ve coslept or breast slept with your little one, I’d love to hear your experience.
