31/10/2022
Sometimes it can be hard to say no, even when you want to! You might worry that saying no might upset someone, or that you will come off as rude , but there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first! It's important to know what you want so that you can confidently say no.
1. Never agree to something straight away. You can ‘affirm’ without agreeing to be involved. For example say ‘what a great idea!’ or ‘that’s interesting, that sounds good’.
2. Once you’ve got some time to yourself, revisit the offer or request in your mind and notice how you feel in your body. Do you feel excited and energised, or any combination of flat, sick, unhappy, exhausted?
3. If you feel energised, say yes!
4. If you don’t feel good, consider what would need to change in order for you to feel energised. Do you need more or less time, a different location, fewer people, more money, less responsibility in another way, or some other compensation in order to agree?
5. If you can’t figure out a way to agree that makes you feel excited and energised, then say no.
6. When saying no, don’t offer a specific reason why. Stick to being vague. This is to stop the other person finding a way around your excuse so you’re back to feeling like you have to agree. If you don’t
give a reason, they can’t argue about the reason. Try to avoid saying sorry. They have a right to ask, you have the right to refuse, or ask for changes before you agree.
7. If you’d like to say yes, but under different circumstances, then it’s fine to state that to the person. ‘I’d love to, but I’ll only be able to stay for
two hours’ for example. This can be a great way to start setting boundaries if you really struggle to say no. At least limit your yeses in one way or another so you start the assertiveness process!