Coast Life Counselling

11/01/2026

✨ Self-Complaining, Self-Blaming & Self-Awareness — Understanding the Difference ✨

In our inner world, the way we speak to ourselves matters. From a psychological perspective, these three patterns reflect very different emotional processes:

🔹 Self-complaining
This often arises when we feel overwhelmed or powerless. It focuses on external circumstances and can temporarily release emotion, but it may also keep us feeling stuck. While venting can be human, growth usually requires moving beyond repeated rumination.

🔹 Self-blaming
Self-blame is commonly driven by shame and an overactive inner critic. It places full responsibility on the self, often ignoring context, trauma history, or realistic limitations. From a therapeutic lens, chronic self-blame is linked to anxiety, depression, and reduced self-worth.

🔹 Self-awareness
Self-awareness is grounded in mindfulness and self-compassion. It involves observing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours without harsh judgment. This reflective stance allows us to take responsibility without shame and supports emotional regulation, resilience, and growth.

💛 Self-compassion is the bridge
Self-compassion helps shift us from blame or helplessness into understanding. It asks:
What happened?
What was I feeling?
What do I need right now?

Research shows that self-compassion supports motivation, accountability, and long-term psychological wellbeing — far more effectively than criticism ever could.

Growth doesn’t come from being harder on ourselves.
It comes from being curious, kind, and aware.

05/12/2025

Have you ever noticed that you can feel grounded with your colleagues, shut down around a manager, hyper-alert with a client, and suddenly flooded with emotion during a performance review?

There’s a reason for that—your attachment patterns don’t switch off when you walk into the workplace.

Although many people assume attachment theory only applies to childhood bonds or intimate relationships, it plays a far bigger role in professional settings than we often realise. In my work with leaders, teams, and high-performing professionals, I see daily how attachment influences the way we respond to change, pressure, expectations, leadership dynamics, collaboration, and even creativity.

Think of attachment as your internal relationship blueprint—an operating system that drives how you seek security, navigate uncertainty, and interpret the intentions of the people around you.

Here’s how the four core patterns commonly show up at work:

Secure Attachment
Grounded, reliable, and constructive under stress. They communicate clearly, take feedback in stride, and naturally strengthen team culture. While they often become the steady anchor in a team, they can overlook risks when they assume trust is mutual without checking.

Anxious Attachment
Attuned, committed, and deeply invested in relationships. They think carefully, work hard, and try to pre-empt problems, but may second-guess themselves or overextend to feel safe. With boundaries and more direct communication, their emotional insight becomes a genuine asset.

Avoidant Attachment
Independent, composed, and organised in challenging environments. They like room to think and work, but may withdraw from emotional conversations or be misread as detached. When they treat emotions as information instead of intrusion, they often become clear, measured decision-makers.

Disorganised Attachment
Intuitive, imaginative, and often ten steps ahead. They bring strong instincts and unconventional ideas, but can react unpredictably when stressed. With stability, clarity, and consistent relational support, their creativity often becomes a catalyst for innovation.

Here’s the part most professionals overlook:
Attachment isn’t a fixed personality label—it shifts based on context, power dynamics, and perceived safety. Our reactions at work are often less about the task and more about the relational environment surrounding it.

The real opportunity?

Don’t battle your attachment patterns—use them.
Every style holds strengths. The key is learning to recognise, regulate, and harness them in ways that support your wellbeing and career.

16/04/2025

For anyone who needs support in the Gympie area.

12/07/2022

Do you find yourself sometimes focusing solely on the task at hand? Where in that moment you are not overwhelmed or reactive but rather feeling like you are in a project flow?

Some may call your experience - as Mindfulness.

You see mindfulness is a basic human capability that we all possess. It's about being fully present and aware of what we are doing and where we are. Whenever we bring awareness to a present moment via our senses, thoughts and emotions - we are being mindful.

Interestingly, research is significantly showing that a daily mindfulness practice whether that be via meditation or mindfully walking or mindfully gardening or cooking - remodels the structure of our brain. Resulting in calmer moods and increased capability to handle stress and life challenges.

So next time your chop up salad or garden, take a deep breath in, relax, tune into your activity and savour each moment.

11/07/2022

How to recognise when EGO is maintaining cyclical behavioural patterns.

23/01/2022

25/10/2021

A great reminder … gratitude 🙏

09/10/2021

Happiness Chemicals and how to get them :)

02/01/2021

Thought for today...

15/05/2020

On-Line PD for Sunshine Coast ACA Members

Many people are struggling with stress, anxiety or depression. Anthony Hart will share how to spot the signs when a mate is struggling...