
17/06/2025
Many parents have contacted me since my last post about conflict in friendships. This might help understand them…
"In schools, we talk constantly about protecting girls from harm. We teach them about paedophiles, online grooming, sexting, and the harm caused by drug and alcohol use. In reality, the more likely destructive influence on an adolescent girl’s day-to-day life is the damage they do to one another in their friendship groups… Relational aggression.
Relational aggression is the psychologist’s name for what the rest of us call ‘mean girl’ behaviour, or straight-up ‘bitchiness’. It is a pattern of behaviour typically played out by school-age girls, but it is not exclusive to them. In fact, where do they learn it if not from their adult role models? Adults are just more subtle about it.
Chances are, you’ve experienced relational aggression. You know it when it happens to you. It’s an emotional slap in the face and you often feel a sense of shame and confusion.
What distinguishes relational aggression from just being mean, is that it focuses on damaging a person’s sense of social place. I see it as using relationships as weapons."
What is relational aggression and how do we stop it? Read the article in the comments