Agape Helps Counselling Services

26/07/2017

FEAR OF FAILURE? IT'S TIME TO CONQUER IT!!

"I'm nothing but a failure! With a big head and NO BRAIN! I'm just stupid, stupid, stupid! Everything I touch fails!!" Have you ever said any of these negative things to yourself about yourself. If you did, I am sure they were time you even hated yourself and just wish you were never born.

Constant failures can cripple you! It is even worst if your family and friends BRAND you "FAILURE!" You go into a shell (that is, you develop an extremely poor image of yourself and your abilities to succeed). You give up! You stop trying! You even stop talking about your dreams! Sometimes you even imagine yourself as an elderly person on the streets being homeless and begging for food! You suffer great depression! Suicidal thoughts often enter your mind! You pity yourself!

NOW ITS TIME TO CONQUER THE FEAR OF FAILURE!

STEP1: Just clap you hands (right now) for 30 seconds.
2: Laugh or (say, ha! ha! Ha!) for 30 seconds.
3: Begin clapping again while saying "I'm a winner!" (30 secs.)

(Repeat these steps several times a day, especially early in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Do them when you are alone as you do not want anyone to judge you nor discourage you with their negative opinions).

The word failure, according to the dictionary, means, " lack of success in achieving or doing something."

Failure does NOT mean you are a dumb, stupid, foolish person with absolutely no sort of common sense!

Failure simply means that you made or wrong choice or you got an unexpected result. [This meaning is critical to your success - please learn it and commit it to memory. Write it out in BOLD PRINT and stick it up]!

Failure is a natural part of life and Everyone fails from infancy until old age. For example, the baby fails many times when he is trying to walk and he fails many times when he is trying to stand. The child fails many times when he is trying to run and play sports. The teenager fails many times trying to develop friendships and fails many school assignments. The young adult fails in new careers or fails to get a job. The mature person fails be faithful to one partner and fails to keep a marriage. The mature person fails to manage money wisely and fails to keep out of excessive debt. Adults fail to stop excessive alochol drinking and fail to remain sober. Adults fail as good parents and good role models. The elderly fail to remember things and they fail to make a will before they die. And many fail to make Jesus Christ their Lord and Saviour, while alive, and many fail to forgive others. Many will fail to make it to Heaven.

I do not mean to sound morbid but the sooner you realise that you are normal when you fail the sooner you will get rid of the fear. You are ABNORMAL if you NEVER fail in any area of life. Read the above paragraph again and see how many of your family and friends who laugh at your failure fit into some of the categories of failure. They are no better than you. Stop being intimated by their negative comments when they themselves need help. You might fail at business but they are always failing at lasting, healthy relationships. You might fail at managing money and keeping out of excessive debt but they might fail at managing their children,and the list goes on...

By now your self confidence should be up or on the way up. Just knowing you are not a freak but you are a normal person is enough to make your heart smile, with a new assurance to try again and to keep on trying until you die. That is what this life is all about. "Trying!"

MORE STEPS TO CONQUERING THE FEAR OF FAILURES:

You probably did not get the result you expected (or failed as you would call it) do to lack of research or due to a missing ingredient or adding too many ingredients or adding the incorrect amount of a particular ingredient. Use your failure as a starting point of success
to try something new or something different.

Step A: Research the goal you want to achieve on youtube or the
internet. What are they doing that you did not do?
B: Do you need to go to classes or College to gain greater
knowledge about your desired goal?
C: Does your desired goal match your personality type?
Did you try an online "temperaments" or "personality type"
test that will tell you what jobs are best suited for you?
D: Did you try to find a consultant or a mentor, whom you do not
know? If the person does not know you, they will not judge
you like your friends and family and this will give you the
opportuity to get genuine help and still feel good about
yourself.
E: If you are a Christian and you need constant private pray
for self-motivation, try Sean Pinder on youtube. you don't
have to watch it. Just turn it up, close your eyes and focus on
God giving you everything he is praying about. (play these
prays very often, so you will get the help you need without
constantly bothering other people).
F: Always try to achieve small private victories before you try to
achieve public victories.
G: Where possible videotape yourself accomplishing your goal.
Watch the tape over and over making changes to improve
yourself or your goal. When you feel personal satisfaction,
then show your closest friend who is not negative or other-
wise show your consultant or mentor.

By now you will have noticed, that I did not address your feelings of fear. That's because I want you to do it afraid. Yes, try again, inspite of your feelings of fear. All it takes to shatter your fear is a small victory. This small victory can be accomplished by carefully following all the steps above. Read over this entire post at least three times before you begin.

Now this is my personal mantra for success and I am sharing it with you. I wrote this in the year 2005 and I have shared it with several persons. This must be said aloud with great force and power!!!
I'm young!
I'm Strong!
And this CAN'T get me down!
I will succeed! (3times)
I will achieve! (3times)
THE BEST! THE BEST! THE BEST! (7 TIMES)

REPEAT SEVERAL TIMES AND YOU CAN EVEN PUT A LITTLE DANCE IN IT!
WOW! LOOK AT YOU! GREAT JOB!

I'm sure you feel better, energised and motivated to try again and again.

Variety is truly the spice of life, which makes it acceptable for us to do things differently and have many differenf versions of the same service or product. Be Blessed! Be Prosperous!

Share this post with all your friends and send me your success reports.

12/04/2017

3 - Continuing- Stepping stones to CONQUERING VARIOUS FEARS

This is our third post on Public Speaking. Go back to the second (2)post and complete the solutions at the end of the post. Let me know your results. Can you feel your confidence rising?

EXCELLENT!! GREAT JOB FOR TRYING!! YOU ARE GETTING BETTER EVERY DAY!!

Now let's move on. ARE YOU READY????
THIS IS YOUR BIG MOMENT! WOW! TAKE A DEEP BREATH!

1. Choose your topic and write out exactly what you want to say.

Usually no one can see your notes. Write in capital letters where you want to raise your voice. Highlight words in RED for emphasis and repetition.

BEGIN: Hello, my name is.............. and I am glad to be here.

(Optional - The previous speaker(s) had excellent points). However, I want to briefly say that ...........( read what you have written). Or go back to the first (1) post to choose you mode of presentation.

END: Thank you for listening.

RESPONDING TO A QUESTION: Some one may ask you a question based on what you just said. Listen carefully to the question and try to respond to the best of your knowledge. If you do not know the answer, it is ok to say you are not sure of the answer and you will do further research and get back to the person.

Important things you should know BEFORE you give your speech:
1. Be well groomed but do not over dress to cause attention to be focused on your clothing or a piece of outstanding jewellery rather than on what you are saying.
2. Yes, you will feel nervous. It is ok to feel this way before you speak. Stand erect, look straight ahead, not on the floor, nor up in the ceiling, nor at their faces (at least not in this first instance). Only look down occasionally at your notes to read them.
3. If you are responding to a question try to look at the person who asked the question (or look in their direction even if not directly at them).
4. Do not pick your nose! Do not pull at a tight outfit! Do not giggle nervously! Do not scratch your head! Do not bite your nails!
5. Practise your short speech several times at home (in the mirror) so that you can say it without your notes (nevertheless still have your notes for this first public speech).
6. Check your grammar and the tone you want to convey in your speech. Also ensure the words are simple and easy for your audience to understand (keep their age and education level in mind).
7. After a first public speech, you might feel the urge to judge yourself harshly, feeling you did not do a good job. Try to refrain from doing this. Go out, buy yourself an icecream and celebrate your victory (no matter how small). YOU JUST SAID YOUR FIRST PUBLIC SPEECH!!!

GREAT JOB FOR TRYING!!!! I AM PROUD OF YOU!!!!

Send me a note about this first experience.

30/03/2017

Stepping Stones to CONQUERING VARIOUS FEARS (2)

Hi, let's continue to look at overcoming the fear of Public Speaking.
I hope you answered all the questions about yourself in the first post.

Today we will look a little at what may cause you to feel fearful.

1.You feel inadequate and this might be due to your receiving low grades in school or because someone critically laughted at your previous ideas or suggestions.

2. You simply feel ugly and you do not want anyone to look at you.

3. Your grammar is poor and you do not like the tone of your own voice.

4. You fear making mistakes and you absolutely hate to feel like a failure. You judge yourself harshly and cannot forgive yourself.

5. Your heart races and your hands and feet shake whenever you are in a crowd, even if you are not the main speaker.

6. You believe people are saying all manner of evil or negative things about you.

7. You worry about the way you dress because you cannot afford to buy expensive, flashy clothes and shoes. Or you may live in a poor neighbourhood and have to use public transport. You are ashamed for a public audience to know this about you.

8. You were imprisoned in the past. Or you were the victim of a vicious attack and are afraid to socialise.

SOME POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:
(Do this twice a day for 8 weeks)

1. Stand before an open window or stand outdoors and take 20 deep breaths. Totally fill your lungs with fresh air, preferable early in the morning, and slowly breath out for the count of twenty (20sec.).
(learning to breath very, very slowly helps to stop your heart from beating very fast. This helps to reduce feelings of anxiety)

2. Stand in front of your mirror and look at yourself - preferrably when you are home alone - and repeat ALOUD each of the following ten (10) times.

a.I am valuable, and God truly loves me. I love God too.
b.What I have to say is important and nobody can say it the way I
do, so I will say it for myself.
c. I am learning to love myself more and more everyday and I am
becoming more and more desirable.
d. I do not need a university degree to think wise thoughts. I have
common sense and God freely gives me wisdom when I pray.
(I now ask God for wisdom and confidence to speak in public)
e. I am just as good as anyone else. They are no better than I am.
f. I love meeting people, listening to them and sharing ideas.
g. I am strong, I am courageous and I can do this.
h. Failure does not mean I am a bad or foolish person, it only
means I have to do more research and try again to get the
results I want.
i. WOW! This is great! I am getting better and better everyday!!!

I WILL SUCCEED, I WILL ACHIEVE, THE BEST , THE BEST , THE BEST!!! AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME!! YES, YES, YES!!!

[Please share your results with me at the end of eight weeks. Do you feel more confident or better about yourself? I will be waiting to hear from you].

28/03/2017

STEPPING STONES TO CONQUERING VARIOUS FEARS
Over the next few weeks I want to help you overcome some fears and I will begin here:

PUBLIC SPEAKING
(Are you afraid to speak up at staff meetings or speak professionally to a group? Then these pointers should help).
To be effective in public speaking you need to know the following:

1. The Speaker - You must begin with you. Are you a detailed person or just a basic - get to the point person? Do you like to share a joke while talking or do you prefer to stick to the serious facts? Do you need picture demonstrations, a flip chart or note pads and pencils for the audience? How easy is it for you to apologise publically when you are wrong? Do you like giving and/or receiving criticism? Do you like giving and/or receiving compliments?

2. The Message - choose a topic with which you are comfortable. However, still do further research on the topic and be careful to quote the name of the author and his opinions on the same topic.

3. The Channel - Will you use written notes? A laptop - power point presentation? A white board and colour markers? A hand-held microphone, a standing one or one that is attached to your clothes?
Will you be standing or sitting on the same level as the audience or on a platform? Will you be close to your audience or several feet away?

4. The Audience - What is the age group? Is it a mixed audience or is it only a male or female group? What is their level of education? Are they already knowledgeable about your topic or are you sharing research findings?

If this information was helpful please like, share and comment below. Look out for further pointers.

For private help to conquer your secret fears (phobias) please call for an appointment:
Agape Helps Counselling Services
Telepone 246 228 9052

15/03/2017

The love we aim to teach and share.

15/03/2017

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.

14/03/2017

Love is not all it takes for a marriage to work. Marriage calls for sacrifice, selflessness, loyalty, patience, empathy and consideration.

09/03/2017

The late Dr. Myles Munroe speaking on the NEED for s*x in marriage. This video greatly correlates to the need for premarital as well as couple counselling as each person should identify the specific needs of his/ her partner for a happy relationship. It's a great listen and please feel free to share your views.

Men don't want s*x , they NEED S*x by Myles Munroe ► Subscribe to grace digital here http://bit.ly/1VPBnEj -- -- TIME-STAMPS: Males need s*x 00:00 A want is ...

07/03/2017

Couples often undermine or dismiss the importance of premarital counselling for various reasons. Some may think it’s only for religious persons, have financial constraints, believe they know their partner well enough or maybe just deem it as unnecessary. Rev. Haynesley Griffith said “a number of people have not had adequate preparation for marriage in terms of premarital counselling. Preparation in terms of common sense where they don’t have enough exposure to life issues where they can bring into the marriage to add value to it. It’s not about book education, but life skills in terms of understanding.” However, the benefits of premarital counselling are greater than most may realise.
Here are some of the benefits of our premarital sessions:
1) Reduced risk of divorce
2) Learning valuable communication and conflict resolution skills
3) Aids in a deeper understanding of your partner
4) Gaining a wealth of knowledge from a counsellor with over two decades of marriage experience
5) Good financial management skills
6) Allows for the opportunity to discuss past experiences and expectations
7) Introduces a new spin on how to keep your marriage fresh
8) Helps to identify the needs in your partner and yourself
9) You will get an objective evaluation of your own preconceived ideas and expectations
10) Allows you to be better equipped in changing any unhealthy tendencies that may pose an issue in marriage

Our premarital course goes for a period of three months, where each session is based on a different topic.

Call us at 228-9052 to find out more information about our course and how you can be on your way to a happy, healthy marriage!

Lasting marriages begin with Agape Helps.

Counselling Service

04/03/2017

Appointments are available this week! Call 228-9052 to book with us.

03/03/2017

Success comes when opportunity meets preparation.

03/03/2017

There is a saying that goes when we fail to prepare, we prepare to fail. A plan backed with a purpose is so necessary for goal achievement.