04/10/2023
Not feeling it today at all. Swimming in a swamp of toxicity and finding a way out into clean water. Suicidal thoughts and feelings of worthlessness can be a bit overwhelming but faith that life will get better and working hard on improving myself and my life is a priority. Suicidal thoughts are unfortunately a part of being a human being but we must fight back with love for ourselves and the universe and the gods. We have the power to improve ourselves and our situation. It’s a norm for me to have them more regularly than most people as this is what I taught myself subconsciously so I work on reprogramming my mind regularly. Also having ADHD doesn’t help at all. Use the resentment for where your currently at in life to make the necessary changes to where you want to be in life without resentment but love for who you are and what you do. Suicidal thoughts are a normal part of being a human but it’s important to have a diary to look back over the month or year etc to show yourself you’re not such a bad person and have some passions in which you give the world some of your personal love in some way so you can also recognise that. Also important to stop being unkind / cruel to yourself and giving yourself abuse. I had a bad habit for years, as long as I could remember calling myself all kinds of names when I did something wrong but I made a conscious effort to pull myself up on it to be kind and loving to myself by apologising, forgiving myself when I did this and also stopping myself as soon as the thought enters my head. At 1st it will be in your actions and the faster you can stop it will stop in your emotions, then thoughts and then it will just be a millisecond.