Calibrate Wellness

12/01/2025

02/01/2025

Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory? The term, coined by Cassie Phillips, is rooted in her powerful poem of the same name and has gained significant attention for its profound message. The more I grow the more I embrace “Let Them” in my own life and relationships.

“This was a tough lesson for me to learn. I used to tolerate so much because I feared losing people. But over time, I realized that anyone who truly values me would never treat me that way. Be careful not to confuse being understanding and forgiving with accepting disrespect

Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be "right."
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.

The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you - they simply don't care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you - they did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel. The end. Let them go.

There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they've done to you. Let them go.

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure. Let them go.

Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go.

You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.

You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go.

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.

If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.

Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that.

Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.

Let them go.”

✨ Cassie Phillips creator and author of the poem and coined term “Let Them”

and Mel Robbins now has a book correlated to the Poem.

21/12/2024

In a world filled with easy dopamine hits and instant gratification culture, we’re used to moving quickly.

But many of the most important aspects of life and humanity — growth, love, connection, healing, and self-knowledge, to name a few – can not and do not happen quickly.

It takes time to first identify old patterns,
then to be present to their impact,
then to begin to insert different ways of responding,
then to sit with the discomfort of change,
then to continue to learn and grow and adapt and deepen.

It takes time to really get to know someone.
To share and open yourself to them. To have experiences together that teach us about ourselves and the other and deepen our connection. To bear witness to each other’s struggles. To foster safety, intimacy, and deep familiarity as we learn how to show up for each other.

It takes time to develop a skill.
To practice the basics, to make mistakes, to try it in new contexts, with new materials, to start to see more and more nuances as you change variables and increase your own familiarity with the process.

It takes time to heal, when our bodies are so used to bracing, resisting, shutting down, or acting out.
It takes time to soften into the present moment and trust ourselves, and then others.

And these things should take time. None of it can happen without the time it takes being present, being with what is here now and witnessing the impact.

Allow yourself to slow down. Allow your body to process change. Allow things to unfold instead of forcing them into being.
Time takes time.

I'm excited to share that I'll be starting a longer term program in January for Cycle Breakers - those who are working to heal and shift old patterns, and are looking to practice new ways of relating to self and others. It's work that takes time, intention, self-compassion, self-trust, and the willingness to keep stepping forward.
Sign up at the link below to learn more (coming soon!)

https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/hjxrfctyg0

21/12/2024

One of the most amazing things about human beings is how adaptable we are; as much as we may struggle with discomfort and change, our brains and bodies will do what they need to do to adapt and survive, especially when we’re developing as tiny people.

And everything we do as adults, we do for a reason.
As tiny people, we learned which sides of ourselves & which of our behaviors kept us safe and connected, and which behaviors produced contempt, disconnection, fear, boredom, anger, etc in our caregivers and families.
Our bodies remember, even if our conscious minds don’t.
And our patterns of behavior give us SO much information when we’re able to pause and zoom out a little.

It can be so helpful to look at your most frustrating habits and behaviors, the ones that you’d like to change, and see what they are doing for you.
Does your shame stop you from sharing your hurt feelings or sadness because you didn't receive comfort when you needed it?
Does your instinct to bolt at the first sign of conflict keep you from being rejected or from that familiar feeling of disappointing someone?
Does your hot temper stop you from giving people the chance to hurt you again?

Instead of further shaming ourselves for these protective parts, try to acknowledge the job they were trying to do; they exist for a reason.
Then get curious about the tender part that lives beneath the behavior.
What does that tender part need to feel?
What support does it need from you now?

This is how we change patterns. This is how we begin to come back to ourselves and begin to feel safer in the world and in our own bodies, by reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that were hidden away and still have unmet needs and learning how to meet them.

If you're interested in learning more about this way of relating to yourself, I'll be starting a new program in January for Cycle Breakers - those who are working to heal and shift old patterns, and are looking to practice new ways of relating to self and others in a small, supportive group of like-minded people.
Sign up at the link below to learn more (tomorrow!)

https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/hjxrfctyg0

15/11/2024

29/11/2023

all of this

22/10/2023

https://www.facebook.com/100064866571002/posts/726543279517885/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

💯

05/05/2023

Source: Holisticallygrace ✨

18/03/2023

18/03/2023

HOW TO CALM ANYONE DOWN

Too often, we imagine ourselves as helpless before other people’s anger. They threaten to go from frustration to outright annoyance without us having any opportunity to slow them down - or usher in a more nuanced approach.
But in truth, there is no mystery as to why conflicts escalate or, conversely, wind down. We can, at any moment, were we to want to, tame the angriest tiger. The genie of rage can be snuffed out at will. We need only rely on two key moves.
The first involves saying, loudly and clearly: ‘I hear you’. It’s an error to suppose that angry people need their problems fixed, what they principally require is for someone to show them sustained and careful sympathy for having them. Their rage masks a fear of being abandoned. It’s the world’s apparent indifference that fuels their expletives. They want their pain to echo to another continent because they aren’t sensing any response closer to home. It’s the seeming deafness that’s making them scream. They could live without an answer; what they can’t bear is to have to do so without company.
Secondly, we need to paraphrase their complaint. It isn’t enough to say that we hear them. We need to demonstrate that we really do so - which best occurs when we can skilfully put their grievance into slightly different words, a transposition which proves that we have been listening step by step to the original outburst. If our angry companion were to shout that we always forget the milk, we should calmly respond: I am hearing that the way I’ve forgotten to get us something for breakfast has been a real disappointment to you. Or when they scream that we never let them know what we’re doing in the evenings, we can say: I’m properly appreciating now that my scheduling failures have left you no room to plan things for yourself. We don’t even need to say we’re sorry; reflexive listening proves we are so.
We can remain calm even if someone sees the world very differently to us or has caused us a host of inconveniences and discomforts. Anger isn’t in the end to do with a frustration of our will, it’s an agonised complaint about feeling so alone.

20/12/2022

FINISH THIS SENTENCE: “Something I give myself now that I my younger self didn’t have is ___________.”

14/11/2022

https://www.facebook.com/100063510102148/posts/582354757224856/?mibextid=o7d1FKF6OwB1pP9P

Listening is a skill, and nothing puts it to the test like having someone close to you open up about something that’s uncomfortable to hear. If I’m being honest with myself, my first response in situations where a friend has come to me to discuss their baggage or triggers has not always been to be present, open, and non-judgemental. This is especially true when someone is opening up about something that you may be causing with your actions. There’s a drive to switch to the defensive.

The thing is, when someone comes to you with a desire to talk about dysregulation and triggers, it’s probably not the attack that it may feel like. Remember that it takes a lot of trust, vulnerability, and belief in a relationship to open up about something so personal.

Hit the brakes, slow down, recentre yourself, and really listen to what they have to say. You may be able to provide this person some unbelievably valuable support in their efforts to stay regulated.

For more on the power of listening, check out blog 40:

https://www.benjaminfry.co.uk/post/40-how-listening-can-help-us-not-react-to-our-triggers/