26/11/2025
Today let's talk a bit about Parentification...
These happens when a child is placed in a role that belongs to the parent emotionally, physically, or practically. Instead of being cared for, the child becomes the caretaker, the stabilizer, or the emotional anchor of the family.
This can happen when a parent is absent, emotionally unavailable, immature, overwhelmed, or dealing with problems such as illness, addiction, or instability.
The child learns very early that “If I don’t step up, everything will fall apart.”
As these children grow, the behavior becomes a personality pattern, not just a childhood survival strategy.
In Childhood it looks like just taking care of siblings or being the emotional support for a parent
These are the kind of people whose identity is tied to being useful.
The biggest wound of parentification is grief, grief for the childhood they never had and the support they never received. This grief often hides under perfectionism.
They also fail in setting boundaries, as children, they could not say no and even as adults, saying “No” feels like abandonment or failure and because they were never cared for, they don’t know how to accept care. Someone loving them can even feel uncomfortable or suspicious.
They often feel guilty when putting themselves first
They tend to attract, emotionally immature partners, friends who offload problems and people who take advantage of their kindness
Healing begins when the person understands:
“I was a child who had to act like an adult so now as an adult, I’m allowed to rest.”
“I don’t have to fix everyone.”
“My worth is not in what I do for people.”
“Love includes receiving, not just giving.”
