Saving Grace Thanadoula

08/29/2025

So many of us move through life holding tightly to the weight of our past; regrets, mistakes, and old stories we no longer need. We carry them quietly, but they shape how we love, how we show up, how we move forward.

What if we didn’t have to carry it all?
What if we gave ourselves permission to let go, to forgive, to grow, to breathe?

Living with less regret doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen. It means learning from it, and then gently setting it down so we can move forward with more freedom, more lightness, and more peace.

You deserve a life that feels lighter.
You deserve to be free from what no longer serves you.

It is not easy to do, I get that, but it is doable. I carried so much disappointment, anger, and regret for most of my life, and it became incredibly heavy and really distracting. Once I started letting stuff go, I felt lighter, I walked taller, and I realize how unnecessary it was to carry it for so darn long.

I want to live with less regret, and die with less regret. I wish that for you as well.

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

FORGIVENESS OF SELF & OTHERS
Sunday, September 28th
9am -11am Pacific Time
Find this class here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/ritual-and-ceremony

08/28/2025

When we pause and look back, it won’t be the material things that rise to the surface of memory. What lingers are the tender details, the sounds of laughter filling a quiet room, the warmth of a hand slipped into ours, the way the sky looked when the sun painted it with fire one evening. These are the threads that quietly stitch together the fabric of a life well-lived.

At the end of our journey, it won’t be the size of our homes or the wealth we have gathered that brings comfort. It will be the love we shared, the embraces that lasted just a little longer, the words that made us feel seen, the moments that told us we were safe and deeply connected. These are the luxuries worth holding on to, the treasures that remain long after everything else has faded away.

So today, while we still can, may we choose to notice them, gather them, and celebrate them, because these small and beautiful moments are the true riches of life. I wish you lots of these …

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

08/27/2025

Leave it better than you found it. We have all heard this phrase, but what if we carried that same wisdom into the way we care for people? Every time we cross paths with someone, we step into their story, sometimes into their joy, and sometimes into their fear, doubt, or worry. If we can meet them with kindness, presence, and understanding, we might leave their heart a little lighter, their courage a little stronger, and their sense of worth a little more secure.

It doesn’t always take a grand gesture. Often, it’s the quiet moments; listening without judgment, offering a gentle word of encouragement, or simply standing with someone so they don’t feel alone. If we all made it our intention to leave people better than we found them, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, imagine the ripple of goodness and healing that would move through the world. Change begins one heart at a time.

In the end, the truest legacy we leave is not in what we have done, but in the difference we have left behind in the hearts of others.

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

08/25/2025

08/24/2025

08/23/2025

A death doula (also referred to as an end-of-life doula) is traditionally a non-clinical companion and guide for someone who is navigating a terminal illness. I like to think of my role as being a choreographer of someone's last dance, helping them design their last few months, weeks, days, and hours... sometimes even years, as there is no specific start date to bring a doula in.

You do not have to be given a terminal diagnosis to have a doula assist you. Some people utilize the skills of a doula to specifically help prepare an end-of-life plan for them, which is designed according to their wishes, but a doula can assist you with many other areas of life, death, and grief as well. People are questioning their mortality more now than ever before, which leaves many people wondering what they will want when it is their time to die. A doula can help with this.

The doula is paid out of pocket, and is not covered under insurance. Each doula sets their own price, and some offer a sliding scale.

The doula is not currently a part of the hospice team, however some hospices are training their volunteers to be doulas and offering that service.

One of the differences between a doula and a member of the hospice team, is that a doula has the luxury of time. The doula can support the person navigating the end of their life, at whatever stage that might be, and can also be there for those preparing to say goodbye. The doula is a companion, a guide, a mentor, a co-pilot, an usher, a driver, and a reliable, dependable friend.

Please note that the doula is not a replacement for any member of the hospice team, and they cannot act in lieu of a member of the hospice team regardless of their training. The doula can work with the hospice team and add to what you receive from them. If you are considering hiring a doula, please do not choose to see a doula as opposed to starting hospice. Personally, and in my opinion, I think that you will need and benefit from both.

One of the misconceptions about the role of a doula is that there is no certifying board, so a doula is not “certified,” they receive a certificate of completion after taking a doula training course, which means they are certified under that particular program. Doulas are not licensed, or state mandated, and they cannot provide medical advice or act as a clinician, even if they have a nursing license. A doula must honor the boundaries and stay in their lane, which has been hard for me to do as a hospice nurse, and something I must be mindful of at all times.

Please note that you DO NOT need medical training to become an end-of-life doula. You do need bedside experience and this comes with time, not the certificate you receive at the graduation of your program. Please do not take on the role of a doula until you have had experience at bedside and understand what it truly means to be present for someone who is dying.

One of the reasons I co-wrote “The Doula Tool Kit” with my friends and end-of-life doulas Diane Button and Angela Shook, is because we want to make sure ALL doulas receive the necessary skills, advice, and guidance to be able to do this work well. In many cases, doulas are paying a lot of money for a doula training program, but still come out of it uncertain of what to do next. Please do not mis-understand, I think these training programs are necessary, helpful, and a great first step. BUT you should also have bedside experience, and the tools to feel confident when present for someone who is dying, and those preparing to say goodbye.
You can find this book here:
https://www.amazon.com/Doula-Tool-Kit-End-Life/dp/B0CNN5LJMS

I offer my “At the Bedside” class for those who have already graduated a doula program and need a little more personal direction or are curious and interested about being a doula but don’t know where or how to start. I hand over tips and tools to make things a little easier for you, I share a list of doula training programs I recommend, and I offer a realistic explanation of what you can expect when you start this journey. One of my favorite things to do in this class is to help you to define what gifts you can bring to this work, making your offering unique and beautifully yours. If finances are an issue, I often have scholarships available, so please do not hesitate to ask for one.
You can learn more about my class here: https://www.thehospiceheart.net/at-the-bedside

As a doula, I think it is important that we lift one another up, extend a hand and offer support to those starting out and struggling, and share our tools generously. Caring for someone who is dying is an honor, and death is a sacred and intimate moment that should never be entered into casually, or without the proper training, tools, and experience. It is very important that everyone understands that a piece of paper stating that you have completed a doula training program is not enough to be able to do this work effectively.

We should all be on the same page, making sure that anyone who requests the support of a doula receives beautiful, compassionate, and heart-centered care and that collaboratively we help improve the way human beings are cared for when they die, and when they grieve.

Doulas are a community and should never be in competition with one another. We are not a solo act; we do not do this work alone.

You absolutely must take the time to gain experience before sitting at the bedside of someone who is dying, and I would very much love to help you get started.

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

08/23/2025

Five days of grief tips
Day five

We do not grieve the same way. Some people are more emotional than others, some keep it to themselves and are very private. That doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong. The only wrong way to grieve is when it’s unhealthy and causing harm, that is when I think we should intervene. Otherwise, I think we need to give people the space and permission to grieve in whatever way they need to, reminding them that they are not doing it alone and we are here for them.

We should never tell a person how to live, how to love, or how to grieve… it’s really none of our business. The fact that we are unique in our choices and with what brings us joy or pain, is one of the beautiful things about us. If we could learn to appreciate the different ways we feel, maybe we would be more sensitive to the feelings of others.

Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone, and it isn’t supposed to. One person may cry uncontrollably, while another stays quiet and composed, and both are grieving in their own way. Just because someone’s expression of grief looks different from ours doesn’t make it wrong, it just makes it different. We honor each other’s journeys best when we allow space for grief to take the shape it needs.

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

08/22/2025

I was walking down the aisle of a grocery store when I heard a little girl say to her mother, “you know mom, if I don’t eat for three days, I will die.”

I wanted to walk over and let that little girl know that she was wrong. I want everyone who thinks this to know that is wrong. To be fair, maybe some people have died from not eating for a few days but from my experience at the bedside of people who are dying, it has helped me to understand that the body can go a very long time without food. The longest I have witnessed is 19 days. This woman was non-responsive, in a coma-like state, and from my perspective did not appear to be suffering physically.

I truly believe that the body does not need to have food and water at the end of life. I think food and water can often disrupt the dying process, causing physical discomfort and often suffering.

Most people equate food and water to love, especially when they have been providing this for many years. Family members and caregivers want to push food and water, hoping it will strengthen their person, and make them feel better. But I don’t think it does.

When we are aging, and dying, our throats tend to close and our ability to swallow is reduced, causing people to aspirate/choke, which increases their fear. Sometimes they can tell you verbally that they don’t want food, or they can let you know by shaking their head “no,” closing their mouth when they are being fed, pocketing it in their cheeks, or spitting it out. Listen to them, they are trying to tell you they do not want it. Our role is to honor and respect that.

When we are at the end of our life and dying, our bodies do not benefit from food and water the way a strong and healthy body does. It doesn’t need it, and it doesn’t want it. They will not die faster because they are not eating, and they will not die from starvation or dehydration. They are already dying from the diagnosis and disease process. Not forcing food and water at this time is actually incredibly kind and compassionate.

You are not hurting them, you are giving their body the peace and comfort it needs to go through the dying process however that will look for them uniquely, which can sometimes be many days. Trust that the body knows what to do, and sometimes it lets go quickly and other times longer, but you aren’t hurting them, please trust me on that.

What someone needs when they are dying is physical comfort, to be kept clean, and to be provided with dignity and respect. All human beings deserve this.

xo
Gabby

You can find this blog here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/food-and-water-at-the-end-of-life

08/22/2025

Five days of grief tips
Day three

When someone we care about is grieving, our natural instinct is to reach for words of comfort. Most of the time, these words come from a place of love and kindness, but they don’t always land the way we intend. Grief is tender, and sometimes well-meant phrases can feel more painful than supportive.

For me, the truth is that grief doesn’t get easier. In some ways, it deepens with time as the reality of absence settles in. I’ve had to learn to live alongside that truth, rather than trying to “get over it.” The “better place” for my loved one would always be here with me, still alive.

When people tell me I’ll move on, or compare their grief to mine, I know they are trying to connect, but I can only speak for my own experience. Grief is deeply personal, and while we may share a similar loss, no two journeys through it are the same. Even when you’ve had time to prepare, that final breath always feels like it takes you by surprise.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is simple:
“I love you. I am here. You don’t have to do this alone.”

And just as important as words are the quiet gestures of checking in, again and again, long after the services are over. That’s where comfort truly lives.

Thank you for showing up with tenderness and care.

♥️
xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

You can find my book “Healing a Grieving Heart,” which I wrote as I began my own grief journey, here:
https://a.co/d/e3iAOn6

08/22/2025

Five days of grief tips
Day two

Grief does not end. It doesn’t fade away or disappear with time, no matter how much we may wish it would. I often think of it like running around a track: each year, we come back around to the mile markers that remind us of our loss. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and quiet moments that once belonged to the person we love, they return again and again. With each lap, we are reminded of the absence, and the weight of it is still there.

One of the greatest misconceptions about grief is that it gets easier, that time somehow heals the wound. The truth is, for many, it doesn’t get easier. It changes, but not always in the ways people expect. Each anniversary can feel heavier, not lighter, because it is one more year lived without them, one more year of memories they weren’t here to make with us. The love doesn’t go away, and neither does the grief.

Grief becomes a part of the fabric of who we are. It doesn’t mean we stop living, or that joy cannot exist alongside it, but it does mean that we carry the ache with us, mile after mile, year after year.

Maybe the most honest thing we can say is not that grief ends, but that it is proof of the love that never ends.

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net

08/22/2025

Five days of grief tips…
Day One

When someone we love is grieving, it can feel natural to want to say something comforting, something that lifts them up. Too often, though, we fall back on words like brave, strong, or courageous. While well-meaning, these words don’t always land the way we hope. Grief is not a test of strength or a badge of honor. It’s not something anyone chooses. It’s a battle no one signs up for, and calling it bravery can sometimes minimize the raw reality of what someone is enduring.

Grief is life-altering. It becomes part of the person who is grieving, their days, their nights, their memories, their future. What they need most is not praise for how they’re carrying it, but presence: someone to sit beside them, walk at their pace, and remind them they are not alone in it. Comfort comes less from compliments and more from companionship, less from telling and more from showing up.

The greatest gift we can offer is not to name their strength, but to lend them some of ours by simply being there.

xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net