01/30/2023
The top 3 things I’ve learned, as an entrepreneur, to support my own mental health:
While large corporations are bringing mental health conversations to the forefront today, it’s something I think about (and talk to those I’m close with) almost daily.
I always find the highest value in the experiences real people are vulnerable enough to share. So, with that said, here are the top 3 things I’ve learned, as an entrepreneur, to support my own mental health over the last 8 years as I’ve built my business. 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
1- Do less.
When I first started farming, I was growing flowers, selling them at my roadside stand, vending at farmers markets, doing weddings, all the things all the time. I felt like I needed to take any job or any opportunity that came my way, because I just needed to get paid. And absolutely none of it was sustainable.
I wish I’d have known that doing less, and focusing on what I was doing *without* spreading myself too thin was where the magic was. Instead, I did too much, overextended myself, and burnt myself out before learning to pull back.
The very first year that I dropped attending farmer’s markets, and stopped offering any wedding design services—focusing solely on my own small on-farm store—my business sales 5Xed in one year. Focus matters. We always lose when we spread ourselves too thin.
Do less is my new motto.
2- Set boundaries.
I used to answer business emails at 10 PM. I would take order requests through my personal page and not bother to direct customers to the proper channels. My own personal cell phone number was my ‘business’ phone number. I was available to everyone, except myself. I was constantly ‘on call’. Everything felt like a priority, and letting anyone wait felt like letting everyone down.
I’ve been doing so much work on boundaries over the last couple of years, and I have such deep compassion for the former version of me who used to overextend herself all the time.
Do I still answer emails after 5 PM?
Sure, occasionally. I’m not perfect. But I do have so much more clarity around boundaries and balance, and it’s changed everything. When I attend to something after 5pm now it’s a clear choice, not a guilt ridden compulsion.
I also have my own personal phone number again, which I almost never give out!
3- Have someone to talk to.
Being an entrepreneur can be incredibly rewarding, and also extremely isolating. It’s an experience that few people understand, and in many ways being ‘the boss’ has left me feeling vulnerable, anxious, always on high alert, and full of decision fatigue.
You have to make all of the decisions, and people are constantly looking to you for the answers (as they should be!). There’s pressure in every direction, and it often feels like you’re disappointing someone daily, whether it’s a team member, a customer, or yourself. It becomes hard to understand what’s real, and what’s just your perception of what’s happening. You start to think that every call you make is the wrong call.
Seeking outside help, through therapy, changed everything for me. Access to therapy is a huge privilege, and I have to pay out-of-pocket for it. Like many of us, I don’t have benefits to cover receiving the support I need. I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to make this investment in my own mental health.
Honest and real conversations with friends, within my industry and outside of it, also helps so much. I don’t like small talk. I don’t have the energy for it. It exhausts me in a peculiar way that I don’t really understand. I have a very small group of close friends, where small talk isn’t necessary. We have deep conversations about what’s real, and what’s painful and what our hopes are, and having the safe space for these conversations with these few cherished people has meant everything to me over the last couple of years. Making new friends, and finding deep and meaningful friendships as an adult, can be hard and vulnerable, but gosh, it’s worth the work.
It’s taken me 8 years to learn to do less, set boundaries, and find outside support.
I have so much compassion for the younger, idealistic, hard-working, and overachieving version of myself who didn’t have the self-awareness and support she needed. We live in a society where we are regularly rewarded for abandoning ourselves, and I have the awards and accolades to prove it.
I also have the self awareness and self compassion that comes with time. When we know better, we do better.
So here’s to more honest conversations about hard things, doing less, doing better, and giving ourselves all of the endless grace and self compassion that we so deeply deserve.
Photo by cy Lam
