Elan M. Jury, Marriage & Family Therapy

05/14/2025

6 steps to mindfully deal with difficult emotions.

05/03/2025

05/02/2025

“Why more parents are ditching the gentle parenting approach” - CBC news.

A must watch for all parents.

A more empathetic approach, known as gentle parenting, has been a big trend in recent years, but experts and influencers are starting to push back. CBC’s Dea...

05/01/2025

04/24/2025

Homeostasis, the real enemy against meaningful change in any family system.

One person to break the cycle, but it comes with risks.

04/23/2025

“Things Psychotherapy Clients Can Want That Won’t Help Them Longterm”.

Sometimes clients leave the therapy room feeling frustrated because their expectations of therapy aren’t being met - and sometimes that is true.
Sometimes, however those expectations may actually be getting in the way of them making real therapeutic progress, and a skilled and seasoned therapist may resist giving a client what they think they need in order to help them eventually reach a better therapeutic outcome.

Although I strongly encourage clients to be courageous and speak up about what feels like an impasse in therapy, posted below are a few things to consider prior to the conversation that may shed light on the clinical reasons for your therapists position.

Sometimes clients come into therapy wanting certain things that they believe will help, but the therapist won't give it to them, or at least not much, because they know from experience it won't actually provide much benefit in the long run.

04/19/2025

9 signs your relationship is in danger and what to do about them.

This article is about top 9 danger signs of a relationship in trouble and the warning signs of it.

04/09/2025

04/08/2025

I'm independent, feeling free. I met someone who’s incredible. He’s older, he’s smart, and he treats me like a lady. He tells me that I’m beautiful, wise; he loves my outlook on life. I know I don’t have to think it but, hypothetically, if he hit me, I would leave him.
He treats me so much better than I’ve ever been treated before. He really notices me, he compliments me, he’s texting me constantly. He’s mature, he’s smarter, and he would never hurt me. He never would, but of course, if he hit me, I would leave him.

We connect on a level that’s hard to describe. He really gets me, he wants the same things in life. For the first time I feel completely understood. I’m feeling full of hope and excitement, he says he is too! He feels the same way as I do! It couldn’t possibly happen, not in a million years, but if a man hit me, I would leave him.

He says he loves me! That’s a bit quick. Wants to move in together? We’ve only been dating one month. But now, I’ve offended him, what am I doing? I may never find another soul mate like him. Ok, I’ll do it, I love you too. He won’t hit me, but if he did, I would leave him.

Living together, he seems a bit distant, I wonder what’s wrong. I try to make him feel better, but nothing’s working. I try all the things he usually likes; make the house spotless, cook a nice meal, try and talk to him and show him I care. But he won’t open up; maybe I’ve done something, but what? We were so good before, I’ll try and make this work, but of course, if he hit me, I’d leave him.

Things have changed, when did that happen? He gets so angry, his eyes seem possessed. Shouting and raging like I’ve never seen before. And then he’s so cold, not just distant, but silent. Sometimes for days he will ignore my existence. I beg him to forgive me, but I’m not sure what for. Suddenly things are ok again, I see the old him. If I just stop messing up he will stop getting mad. But, if he hits me, I will leave him.

It’s so sweet how I’m so naive, he says. I guess it’s true, he’s smarter than me. I want to meet up with friends but he tells me he’s hurt. Don’t I ever think about how it makes him feel, he says. He has no friends nearby but I want to meet up with mine, he says. I guess it’s true, I’m selfish too. I say sorry and stay at home watching TV in silence with him. Still, if he hits me, I think I will leave him.

We’re moving. He will feel less stressed living near his family again. I ask if it’s ok to meet up with friends before we leave. Are you sure that’s a good idea, he says. He points out how I abandoned my friends when we started dating and my friends are probably mad. He’s right! I’ve been a terrible friend! I won’t text them. I’m so lucky he loves me with all of my flaws. If he hit me, I guess I would leave him.

We’ve moved away now. I feel so alone. He works long hours. I feel less tense when he’s not home but I miss him terribly and I’m waiting on him. I hear the key in the lock. I’m excited but my anxiety rises because I don’t know what mood he will be in. He seems ok, I try to cuddle on the sofa, but he tuts and says he’s tired and I’m needy. I feel hollow and I long for his love. If he hit me, I guess I might leave him.

His friends are over. I like it when his friends are here because he is more affectionate towards me. He tells them he’s proud of me. They say how we are such a great couple, when will we get married? I see that look in his eye and when his friends leave, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? I panic, maybe he will leave me this time, and I feel utter despair. If he hit me, I’m not sure I’d leave him.

We plan a daytrip, we don’t have them often. I try to get everything right from the start so that things go smoothly. He’s annoyed because I take too long to get out of the house, but I think it’s ok. But there’s traffic and I begin to get anxious. He starts to drive really close to the cars, surely he knows I hate that, but I dare not say anything. He SHOUTS and SWEARS and my heart sinks, I’m in trouble now. Just try to be invisible, not to make it worse. If he hit me, I don’t know if I’d leave him.

It’s been like this a while now. He says that I’m too sensitive. If I don’t like him how he is, he says I can leave, I know where the door is. He says he wouldn’t try and stop me. But I’ve got nowhere to go, and I’m worth nothing. He is nice to me sometimes, maybe often, it all seems a blur. I can’t make sense of it anymore. Maybe I am too sensitive, it’s probably me. If he hit me, I don’t think I’d leave him.

Something big has happened, the rages seem to get bigger. He started throwing things because I make him so angry. He says he will call the police if I touch his things, or he will hurt me if I don’t listen. He’s been telling lies, I see that now. Lies about money, his life and me. I feel numb. I feel like I’m broken. If he hit me, the pain would at least make sense, but he hasn’t and that’s not the reason I’m leaving.

I left him. I feel stripped down, beaten, exhausted, lost, but I escaped and for that I feel free. But my mind remains imprisoned, I have suffered trauma, and it’s a long journey to recovery. Was it abuse? I tell them it was. Well, what did he do? they ask. I explain, but what am I really explaining, it doesn’t sound like much when my pain is so engulfing. Well, they say, it doesn’t sound great, but at least he didn’t hit you.

- Emma Rose Byham

03/26/2025

What are your thoughts about these 15 pieces of cliche relationship advice that need to die?

Most relationship advice floating around isn’t helpful. You’ve probably nodded along to advice that felt off but couldn’t quite put your finger on why. The problem isn’t just that these clichés oversimplify complex human connections—it’s that they create toxic expectations that set you ...

03/14/2025

Most relationship problems aren’t meant to be solved, they’re meant to be managed. Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual, meaning they won’t go away no matter how much you try to “fix” them. Instead of letting these differences create distance, successful couples focus on understanding each other and creating a dialogue around their recurring disagreements.

One key? Approach conflict with curiosity, not criticism. By listening, validating emotions, and making space for each other’s perspectives, you build a foundation of trust and connection, even when you disagree.