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Patricia Wentzell Counselling & Consulting Services, 14 Dufferin Street, Bridgewater, NS (2025)

09/06/2025

I didn’t just read Quiet, I exhaled with it.

For years, we’ve been told to speak up, network, sell ourselves, brainstorm in open spaces, and work in teams. But what if you think best in silence? What if your energy doesn’t come from the crowd, but from the solitude after? In Quiet, Susan Cain speaks directly to that tension. With grace, insight, and unapologetic intelligence, she shines a spotlight on the often overlooked strengths of introverts in a world that too often mistakes loudness for leadership and assertiveness for value.

Cain isn’t anti-extrovert. This book doesn’t pit personality types against each other. Rather, it’s a cultural and psychological exploration of how society, especially in the U.S. came to idolize the "Extrovert Ideal" and undervalue those who reflect, listen, observe, and think deeply. Through research, personal stories, and sharp social critique, Cain restores dignity to quietness, not as a flaw to overcome but as a vital, powerful way of being.

8 Deep Lessons from Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking:

1. The world is biased toward extroversion but that doesn’t mean it’s right.
Our schools, workplaces, and leadership models often reward the talkers, group participators, and spotlight seekers. Cain calls this the "Extrovert Ideal" and shows how it has shaped corporate America, classrooms, and even spirituality. But introversion offers just as much value—often quietly, in the background.

2. Introversion is not shyness.
Cain is careful to distinguish these terms. Shyness is fear of social judgment; introversion is a preference for less stimulation. Many introverts are confident, outspoken, and engaging but they recharge differently and value depth over breadth.

3. Solitude is a catalyst for creativity and insight.
Cain reminds us that some of the greatest thinkers, artists, and scientists (e.g., Einstein, Darwin, Chopin) thrived in solitude. Creativity often demands space—mental, emotional, and environmental. Constant group work can stifle the depth that solitary reflection produces.

4. Introverts and extroverts operate on different stimulation levels.
Biologically, introverts are more sensitive to dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical. This means they can become overstimulated more easily. Environments like loud parties or bustling offices can exhaust them, while calm, quiet settings help them flourish.

5. Not all great leaders are extroverts.
Cain dismantles the myth that leadership requires charisma and sociability. She highlights figures like Rosa Parks and Gandhi, leaders who led not by dominating rooms, but by moral conviction, listening deeply, and acting with quiet courage.

6. Schools and workplaces need to honor diverse ways of thinking.
From forced group assignments to open-plan offices, modern institutions often undervalue introspective work. Cain argues for balance, spaces where both introverts and extroverts can contribute on their terms, whether in collaboration or solitude.

7. Communication styles should be flexible, not performative.
Cain shares how introverts are often expected to fake extroversion to fit in. But this “pretend personality” comes at a cost—burnout, disconnection, and inauthenticity. Real power lies in leaning into your natural strengths, not masking them.

8. The world needs the gifts of introverts—now more than ever.
In a culture of constant noise, those who listen carefully, think before they speak, and pursue depth over volume are crucial. Introverts bring empathy, focus, emotional intelligence, and the ability to observe what others miss.

Quiet is not just a celebration of introverts—it’s a quiet revolution. Susan Cain gives voice to millions who have felt misunderstood, overlooked, or pressured to change. She offers both permission and power: permission to be who you are, and power in knowing that being quiet is not less, it is more in a different key.
If you’ve ever felt too quiet in a loud room, too drained by small talk, or too reflective in a culture that rewards fast answers, Quiet will feel like coming home. It doesn’t shout, it resonates.

BOOK:https://amzn.to/3VyTbrh

You can also get FREE Audiobook using the same link use the link to register Audible and start enjoying it

08/20/2025

Living with or loving someone whose emotions feel like a ticking time bomb can be exhausting. You never know what will set them off—one moment, everything seems fine, and the next, you’re walking through an emotional storm of anger, blame, or tears.

Many people in this position start to question themselves, constantly second-guessing their words and choices, until it feels like they’re walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.

Paul Mason’s Stop Walking on Eggshells was written for exactly these moments—for those caught in the draining cycle of trying to cope with someone who may be struggling with borderline personality disorder (BPD) or similar patterns of emotional volatility.

This book offers real, practical strategies to navigate relationships that can otherwise feel impossible.

Here are 5 In-Depth Lessons from the Book

1. Understanding the Nature of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
One of the most important insights the book offers is clarity. It explains BPD in a way that is compassionate, yet realistic. People with BPD often experience intense fears of abandonment, unstable relationships, and volatile emotions. Recognizing these patterns is the first step for loved ones—because once you understand that these behaviors are not necessarily about you, but about the disorder, you can begin to separate the illness from the person. That shift in perspective can reduce guilt and self-blame, while also opening the door to healthier responses.

2. You Can’t Control Their Emotions, But You Can Control Your Response
The book emphasizes that you are not responsible for fixing or managing someone else’s emotional world. Trying to do so only leads to burnout and resentment. Instead, Mason teaches readers to focus on controlling their own reactions and setting clear, respectful boundaries. For example, instead of getting caught up in the storm of accusations or emotional outbursts, you can calmly disengage, choose not to escalate, and remind yourself that their emotional intensity belongs to them, not to you.

3. Boundaries Are Not Punishment—They’re Protection
Many people who live with or love someone with BPD struggle with guilt over setting boundaries, fearing it might make the situation worse. But Stop Walking on Eggshells reframes boundaries as essential for survival. Boundaries are not about punishing the other person; they’re about protecting your mental health and creating stability. The book offers practical tools for setting and maintaining boundaries—like calmly stating what you can and cannot accept, and following through consistently. Boundaries become the lifeline that helps prevent constant emotional chaos from consuming you.

4. Validation Can Defuse Tension
A powerful tool Mason shares is the practice of validation—acknowledging the other person’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with their behavior or conclusions. People with BPD often feel misunderstood and dismissed, which can heighten their emotional responses. Learning to validate—saying things like, “I see this is really painful for you” or “I hear how upset you are”—can de-escalate conflict and create more space for calmer conversations. It doesn’t mean you have to surrender your truth; it means you recognize their experience without getting dragged into an argument over who’s right.

5. Caring for Yourself Is Non-Negotiable
Perhaps the most freeing lesson of the book is that your well-being matters. When you’re constantly managing crises, it’s easy to neglect your own needs, identity, and health. Mason stresses that self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary for survival in these relationships. This may mean finding support groups, seeking therapy, or even making the difficult decision to step back from the relationship if it becomes too destructive. Ultimately, the book empowers readers to reclaim their sense of self, to stop living entirely around someone else’s volatility, and to rediscover peace.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/3UJ8KfM

For FREE, you can listen to the audiobook when you sign up for the Audible Membership Trial using the same link above.

07/01/2025

"Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté is a compelling exploration of the vital role that parents play in the emotional and social development of their children. The authors argue that the increasing influence of peers in children's lives can lead to negative outcomes, including emotional distress and behavioral issues. They advocate for a return to strong parent-child connections to foster healthy development and emotional well-being.
Neufeld and Maté emphasize that children thrive when they feel securely attached to their parents. They outline the importance of nurturing these relationships, arguing that a child’s need for parental attachment is fundamental to their identity, behavior, and overall happiness. The book provides practical strategies for parents to strengthen their bonds with their children, encouraging them to prioritize their roles as primary caregivers and guides.
Through a mix of psychological insights, research findings, and practical advice, the authors challenge the notion that peer relationships should take precedence over family connections. They assert that by holding onto their children and fostering strong attachments, parents can help them navigate the complexities of growing up in an increasingly peer-oriented culture.
Ultimately, "Hold On to Your Kids" serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of parental involvement and guidance in a child's life, encouraging parents to reclaim their essential role in their children's development.

10 Key Lessons

1. Prioritize Parent-Child Connections: Recognize that strong, secure attachments between parents and children are essential for healthy emotional development.

2. Understand the Role of Peers: Be aware that while peer relationships are important, they should not overshadow the influence of parents in a child's life.

3. Be Present and Engaged: Actively engage with your children; being present in their lives fosters trust and strengthens your relationship.

4. Encourage Open Communication: Create a safe space for open dialogue; encouraging children to express their thoughts and feelings promotes emotional connection.

5. Model Healthy Behavior: Demonstrate positive behaviors and values; children learn by observing their parents, so be a role model for the traits you wish to instill.

6. Provide Guidance and Support: Offer consistent guidance and support; children thrive when they know they can rely on their parents for help and direction.

7. Recognize Developmental Needs: Understand the developmental stages of your child; tailoring your parenting approach to their specific needs fosters healthier connections.

8. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence: Help your children develop emotional awareness and regulation; teaching them to understand their emotions is crucial for their well-being.

9. Encourage Family Activities: Spend quality time together as a family; shared experiences strengthen bonds and create lasting memories.

10. Be Patient and Compassionate: Practice patience and compassion in your parenting; recognizing that every child is unique and may require different approaches fosters a nurturing environment.

"Hold On to Your Kids" highlights the critical importance of parental involvement in a child's life. By emphasizing the need for strong attachments and open communication, the authors offer valuable insights and practical strategies for parents to strengthen their relationships with their children and support their healthy development in a peer-driven world.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4e07XQk

You can ENJOY the AUDIOBOOK for FREE (When you register for Audible Membership Trial) using the same link above.

06/15/2025

At a college reunion, a group of successful alumni—now doctors, lawyers, business owners—decided to visit their old professor. They chatted about their careers and families, but soon the conversation shifted to life’s pressures, stress, and constant chasing after more.

After listening for a while, the professor smiled and said, “Hold on a minute. I’ll go make us some coffee.”

He came back with a large pot and a tray full of cups—none of them matching. Some were fine porcelain, others were plain ceramic, a few were chipped glass mugs, and one even looked like it came from a diner.

As everyone reached for a cup, the professor watched in silence. Once they all had coffee in hand, he said:

“Notice what just happened. Most of you instinctively reached for the nicest cups—leaving behind the simpler ones. It’s normal to want the best for ourselves, but that’s often where the stress begins.”

He gestured toward the cups.

“The cup doesn’t make the coffee taste any better. What you really wanted was the coffee. But you still focused on the cup.”

Then he paused.

“Life is the coffee. Your job, your house, your income, your status—those are just cups. They help contain life, but they don’t define it. And the trouble is, the more we focus on the cup, the more we miss out on the coffee.”

He smiled.

“Remember, happy people don’t always have the best of everything. But they know how to make the best of what they have.”

05/27/2025

This book hit me in a season of my life when I was exhausted — not just physically, but emotionally. Tired of managing others’ expectations. Tired of replaying conversations. Tired of trying to please people who didn’t even seem to see me. Then I read The Let Them Theory, and it felt like Mel Robbins had written it for the part of me I kept pushing down: the part that wanted to be free.

This isn’t just a book — it’s a wake-up call. A sigh of relief. A hand on your back saying, “You can stop now.”

Here are 7 liberating, soul-settling lessons I took with me:

1. If they want to go — let them.
This sounds simple, but it’s earth-shattering. Stop begging people to stay, to like you, to treat you differently. If they walk away, let them. That’s not rejection — that’s redirection. I cried the first time I read this, because it gave me permission to stop holding on so tightly. Some people are meant to pass through, not stay.

2. You don’t have to fix everything — or everyone.
Mel reminds us that it’s not our job to manage how others think, feel, or behave. I used to lose sleep over whether someone was upset with me. Now? I remind myself: if they’re upset, let them be. That space gives both of us room to grow. It’s not indifference, it’s healthy detachment.

3. Your peace matters more than their approval.
Read that again. For years, I measured my worth by how much others liked me. This book flipped that script. Mel writes with such grounded compassion, she tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Choosing peace over performance is a radical act of self-love.

4. You can’t control people — but you can choose your boundaries.
This book helped me see that boundaries aren’t walls — they’re guardrails for your heart. Saying “let them” doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you stop contorting. You stop shape-shifting to be digestible. That truth hit deep — because I’ve lived in fear of being “too much” or “not enough.” Letting go is coming home to yourself.

5. What people say about you is none of your business.
Mel is blunt here, and I needed it. People are going to misunderstand you, judge you, talk behind your back. Let them. That’s a reflection of them, not you. You don’t need to spend your energy defending your soul to people committed to misunderstanding it.

6. Your job is not to be liked. Your job is to be free.
This book doesn’t just shift your mindset — it shifts your identity. Who are you when you’re no longer performing? When you stop explaining yourself? Mel teaches you how to be rooted in yourself, and that kind of freedom? It’s electric. And terrifying. And holy.

7. Let them underestimate you — and keep showing up.
This one gave me chills. Let them think you’re too quiet, too loud, too ambitious, too soft. Let them misunderstand your path. You don’t owe anyone smallness just to make them comfortable. Keep showing up. Keep growing. Let your life be your loudest response.

Mel Robbins has always had a way of cutting through the noise — but The Let Them Theory is something else entirely. It’s not just motivational — it’s merciful. It speaks to the person who’s burnt out from performing, overthinking, chasing. And it offers the simplest, most profound invitation:

Let them. And then… come back to you.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4kwDGum

Audiobook also available using the link above.

05/19/2025

This is not an easy book to read. But it is one of the most important books I have ever held in my hands.

I came to The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog looking for answers. I stayed because I found something better. I found truth. I found humanity. I found hope where I least expected it.

Dr. Bruce Perry does something few professionals in his position ever do. He opens the door to the darkest parts of the human experience and invites you to sit down and look closely. Not to sensationalize. Not to pity. But to understand. Because when we understand, we can begin to heal. Not just ourselves, but our communities, our systems, and most of all, our children.

As someone who has struggled to understand how trauma affects the body, the mind, and the heart, this book gave me language for what I have felt but could never quite name. And for anyone who works with children, lives with children, or was once a child carrying pain they did not know how to speak, this book matters deeply.

Here are seven lessons I carried away from this powerful work.

1. Trauma Is Not What Happens. It Is What Happens Inside You
This simple but powerful idea changed how I understand pain. Dr. Perry explains that trauma is not defined by the event itself but by how overwhelmed and helpless a person feels in response to it. Two children can live through the same experience and be affected in completely different ways. That truth made me gentler toward my own story and toward the stories of others I once thought I understood.

2. The Brain Remembers What the Mouth Cannot Say
Dr. Perry shows how early trauma literally shapes the architecture of the brain. It changes how a child perceives safety, relationships, and even time. Many behaviors that look like defiance or disobedience are actually fear responses. Survival strategies. When I read this, I thought of kids I used to label as difficult. I thought of how often I judged what I could see without asking what I could not.

3. Connection Heals What Trauma Breaks
This might be the heart of the whole book. Children who have been hurt by people can only begin to heal through relationships with people who are consistent, patient, and safe. Therapy matters. Structure matters. But above all else, healing comes through connection. This truth extends beyond childhood. It applies to all of us. We are wired for love. We are wounded by disconnection. And we are repaired through presence.

4. Safety Comes Before Change
Before a child can think clearly or learn or trust or grow, they must feel safe. Truly safe. Not just physically, but emotionally. Dr. Perry emphasizes that we cannot expect traumatized children to behave like their peers without first helping their nervous systems settle. This helped me see how often we rush people toward progress when what they need is peace. Stillness. A calm voice that says, "You’re okay now."

5. Patience Is Not a Weak Response. It Is Sacred Work
Reading this book, I was humbled by how often adults miss the mark not because they do not care, but because they are tired, scared, or unprepared. The healing work Dr. Perry describes is slow. It is not flashy. It often looks like nothing is happening. But beneath the surface, the child is rebuilding their sense of self, brick by quiet brick. That work deserves reverence.

6. What Was Broken in Relationship Must Be Repaired in Relationship
Many of the children in this book were hurt in places that should have been safe. Their pain came from those who were supposed to love and protect them. That is why healing can only happen when someone new shows up differently. With steadiness. With gentleness. With no agenda other than to be with them. I thought of the people in my own life who showed up that way. I cried more than once.

7. There Is Always Hope. But It Looks Different Than We Expect
Some of the children in this book recover in ways that are miraculous. Others find partial peace. Others simply survive. And yet all of these outcomes matter. Dr. Perry never promises a perfect ending. What he promises instead is this: if we meet people where they are, if we see beyond the behavior into the wound, if we walk alongside them with compassion, something sacred begins to shift. And that is enough.

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog is more than a book about trauma. It is a book about what it means to be human. It will break your heart. But it will rebuild it too.

This is not a book to be rushed. It is a book to be felt. To be cried over. To be remembered.

If you are a parent, a teacher, a therapist, a survivor, or simply someone trying to make sense of a hurting world, let this book walk with you. You will not be the same when you finish it. And in this case, that is a very good thing.

Book: https://amzn.to/4j4I2bi

Audiobook also available using the link above.

05/14/2025

"Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen is a comprehensive guide for parents and educators that advocates for a compassionate and effective approach to discipline. Nelsen introduces the concept of Positive Discipline, which emphasizes the importance of teaching children valuable life skills while promoting mutual respect and understanding. The book is grounded in the belief that discipline should be about teaching rather than punishing, thereby fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
Nelsen outlines the principles of Positive Discipline, including the significance of setting clear boundaries, encouraging cooperation, and instilling a sense of responsibility in children. She provides practical strategies and techniques to help parents address challenging behaviors without resorting to punitive measures. Through engaging anecdotes, real-life examples, and actionable advice, Nelsen illustrates how Positive Discipline can lead to more respectful and cooperative interactions between parents and children.
"Positive Discipline" serves as a valuable resource for parents and educators seeking to create a nurturing environment that encourages children to learn from their mistakes, develop self-discipline, and cultivate essential social skills. Nelsen's compassionate approach empowers adults to guide children in becoming responsible, respectful, and resourceful individuals.

10 Key Lessons

1. Focus on Teaching, Not Punishing: Emphasize teaching children valuable life skills rather than resorting to punishment; discipline should be a learning opportunity.

2. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries: Establish clear expectations and rules; consistency helps children understand what is acceptable behavior.

3. Encourage Problem-Solving: Teach children to think critically and solve problems on their own; guiding them in finding solutions fosters independence and responsibility.

4. Promote Mutual Respect: Foster a relationship built on mutual respect; treating children with dignity encourages them to respect others in return.

5. Use Encouragement Instead of Praise: Focus on specific encouragement rather than general praise; acknowledging effort and progress helps build self-esteem and motivation.

6. Involve Children in Decision-Making: Allow children to participate in decisions that affect them; involving them fosters a sense of ownership and responsibility for their actions.

7. Teach Empathy and Kindness: Encourage children to understand and express empathy; teaching kindness helps them build strong relationships with others.

8. Model Desired Behavior: Demonstrate the behaviors you wish to see in your children; modeling positive behavior is an effective way to teach important values.

9. Use Natural and Logical Consequences: Allow children to experience the natural or logical consequences of their actions; this helps them understand the impact of their choices.

10. Practice Self-Care as a Parent: Recognize the importance of self-care for parents; taking care of your own well-being enables you to engage more positively with your children.

"Positive Discipline" provide essential insights into fostering a nurturing and respectful approach to parenting and education. Jane Nelsen's compassionate guidance equips parents and educators with practical strategies to teach children how to make responsible decisions while cultivating a strong, positive relationship. The book serves as an invaluable resource for anyone committed to raising respectful, resourceful, and resilient children.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/3YokPsZ

You can ENJOY the AUDIOBOOK for FREE (When you register for Audible Membership Trial) using the same link above.

02/17/2025

Kabat-Zinn begins by explaining that mindfulness is about living fully in the present moment, without judgment. It’s not about escaping life’s challenges but learning to inhabit them with awareness and acceptance. The book is an invitation to slow down, pay attention, and cultivate a deeper connection with yourself and the world around you.

1. You Can’t Escape Yourself
The book’s title encapsulates a profound truth: wherever you go, there you are. Kabat-Zinn reminds us that no matter where we are or what we’re doing, we bring ourselves with us—our thoughts, emotions, and patterns. Mindfulness helps us confront and accept ourselves as we are, rather than trying to escape or distract ourselves from discomfort.

2. Be Present, Not Perfect
One of the core lessons is that mindfulness is not about achieving perfection or enlightenment—it’s about being present. Kabat-Zinn reassures readers that there’s no right or wrong way to practice mindfulness. Simply showing up, paying attention, and being curious about your experience is enough.

3. Stop Living on Autopilot
Many of us go through life on autopilot, reacting to situations without awareness. Kabat-Zinn urges us to wake up to the present moment and break free from automatic habits. By practicing mindfulness, we can respond to life with greater clarity and intention, rather than being driven by unconscious patterns.

4. Acceptance Brings Freedom
A major theme of the book is acceptance. Kabat-Zinn explains that resisting reality only creates suffering. By accepting things as they are—whether they’re pleasant or unpleasant—we can find peace and freedom. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means acknowledging the present moment as it is, without trying to change it.

5. Mindfulness Can Be Practiced Anywhere
Kabat-Zinn emphasizes that mindfulness is not confined to meditation cushions. It can be practiced in everyday activities—walking, eating, driving, or even washing dishes. By bringing awareness to whatever we’re doing, we can transform ordinary moments into opportunities for mindfulness.

6. The Power of Breathing
One of the simplest yet most profound mindfulness tools is the breath. Kabat-Zinn teaches readers to anchor themselves in the present moment by focusing on their breathing. The breath is always with us, and tuning into it can help calm the mind, reduce stress, and cultivate awareness.

7. Let Go of Striving
In a culture that glorifies constant striving and achievement, Kabat-Zinn invites readers to let go of striving in their mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is not about getting somewhere or achieving something—it’s about fully experiencing the present moment. By letting go of the need for results, we can approach life with greater ease and openness.

8. Embrace the Full Spectrum of Experience
Life is a mix of joy, pain, beauty, and difficulty. Kabat-Zinn encourages readers to embrace the full spectrum of their experiences, rather than clinging to the positive and avoiding the negative. Mindfulness helps us hold both pleasure and pain with equanimity, allowing us to live more fully.

9. Be Compassionate Toward Yourself and Others
Kabat-Zinn highlights the importance of self-compassion in mindfulness practice. Instead of judging ourselves for our thoughts or emotions, we’re encouraged to approach ourselves with kindness and curiosity. This compassion naturally extends to others, helping us cultivate deeper empathy and connection.

10. Mindfulness Is a Lifelong Journey
Finally, Kabat-Zinn reminds readers that mindfulness is not a destination—it’s a way of being. There’s no end point or mastery; it’s a lifelong practice of returning to the present moment, again and again. Every moment is an opportunity to begin anew.

In "Wherever You Go, There You Are," Jon Kabat-Zinn offers a gentle yet profound invitation to embrace mindfulness as a way of life. By cultivating presence, acceptance, and self-awareness, we can navigate life’s challenges with greater clarity and peace. The key takeaway? Mindfulness isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about fully inhabiting your life, moment by moment. Through mindfulness, we can uncover a deeper sense of fulfillment, connection, and freedom in the ordinary moments of life.

GET BOOK: https://amzn.to/4hCfEgP

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Patricia Wentzell Counselling & Consulting Services

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