Patricia Wentzell Counselling & Consulting Services

01/15/2026

I remember sitting in my car after a family gathering, feeling like my battery wasn’t just drained—it was corroded. I felt "too much" of everything: too sensitive to the snide remarks, too aware of the tension in the room, and too guilty for needing three days of silence to recover. I felt like I was walking around without skin. I searched for "why do I attract mean people" and stumbled upon Shahida Arabi’s work. When I saw the title The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People, it felt less like a book recommendation and more like a life raft.

I expected a gentle, soft-spoken book that would tell me to "set boundaries" with a smile and "send love" to my enemies. I thought it would be a typical "empath" guide filled with crystals and vague advice about "protecting my energy" through visualization. I expected a bit of victim-blaming, honestly—that old "it takes two to tango" narrative that often makes sensitive people feel responsible for their own mistreatment.

The reality was a wake-up call that felt like a splash of ice water. Arabi doesn't just talk about "mean people"; she dives into the clinical psychology of narcissism, sociopathy, and the "dark triad." She uses terms like gaslighting, love bombing, and hoovering not as buzzwords, but as tactical maneuvers I realized were being used against me.

Reading this book felt like being handed a pair of X-ray goggles. Suddenly, the "confusing" behavior of certain people in my life became predictable patterns. It was incredibly validating to hear her say that being highly sensitive (HSP) is a biological trait—a superpower, even—but one that acts like a lighthouse for predators. I stopped wondering "What is wrong with me?" and started asking "How do I build a fortress around my empathy?"

10 Lessons and Insights

1. The Empath-Narcissist Magnet: Narcissists are drawn to HSPs because our high levels of empathy and "conscientiousness" provide a never-ending supply of emotional validation. We are the "premium fuel" for their ego.

2. Your Biology is Not a Flaw: Being highly sensitive means your nervous system processes information more deeply. It’s not "weakness"; it’s a high-definition sensory experience that requires specific management.

3. The Red Flag "Fast-Track": Toxic people often move very fast—fast-tracking intimacy and commitment (love bombing). If it feels like a whirlwind, it’s probably a storm.

4. Gaslighting is Psychological Warfare: It is a deliberate attempt to make you doubt your own perception of reality. When you feel the need to "record conversations" just to prove you aren't crazy, the relationship is already toxic.

5. Boundaries are Not Suggestions: For an HSP, a boundary isn't a wall to keep people out; it’s a gate to keep your peace in. If someone reacts with anger to your boundary, that is the clearest sign that the boundary is necessary.

6. The "Grey Rock" Method: When you can't leave a toxic situation immediately, become as uninteresting as a grey rock. Give short, non-committal answers. Starve the toxic person of the emotional reaction they crave.

7. Cognitive Dissonance is the Trap: You are in love with the "version" of the person they showed you at the beginning, but you are living with the "version" they are now. Healing starts when you look at the facts, not the potential.

8. Trauma Bonding is Like Addiction: Breaking up with a toxic person causes a literal chemical withdrawal in the brain. You aren't "weak" for wanting to go back; your brain is just seeking a dopamine hit from the chaos.

9. No Contact is the Gold Standard: For many toxic personalities, "closure" is a myth they use to keep you engaged. Often, the only way to win is to stop playing the game entirely.

10. Radical Self-Care as Resistance: When you have been told you are "too sensitive" your whole life, the most rebellious thing you can do is honor your needs, rest when you're tired, and protect your inner world fiercely.

12/09/2025

There’s a moment many parents don’t talk about, the one where you realize your child is grown, making choices you can’t control, and you’re left holding a mix of sadness, frustration, fear, and guilt you don’t know where to put. You spend years shaping them, worrying for them, praying over them, and envisioning a future you assume they’ll step into. And then life delivers a plot twist you never imagined. Maybe they’re struggling in relationships, stuck professionally, drowning financially, drifting spiritually, or simply refusing every piece of wisdom you offer. You love them fiercely, but loving them has started to feel like carrying a weight you can’t set down.

Jane Adams’ When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us is the rare book that says the quiet part out loud. It acknowledges the heartbreak without shaming it, and it speaks directly to the parent who feels blindsided by adulthood, not theirs, but their child’s. Adams blends research, interviews, and years of experience with a tone that feels like sitting with someone who understands the entire landscape of parental hope, grief, and complicated love. What I found most powerful is that she doesn’t offer quick fixes; she offers perspective, boundaries, and a way forward that doesn’t depend on your child changing.

Lessons That Stay With You:

1. You can love your adult child deeply without rescuing them.
One of Adams’ clearest messages is this: doing for an adult child what they should be doing for themselves is not love, it’s fear disguised as help. Many parents step in because they can’t bear to watch their child struggle, but the cost is high: resentment, burnout, and a child who remains dependent or stagnant. Adams gives parents permission to stop over-functioning, not out of coldness, but out of respect for their child’s adulthood. Your child deserves the dignity of facing their own consequences.

2. Their choices are not a report card on your parenting.
This is the guilt that eats many parents alive. Adams is blunt: grown children make decisions based on personality, peers, culture, temperament, trauma, timing, and a hundred other influences, most of which parents did not control. Taking responsibility for every misstep your child makes only ensures you’ll drown in shame that doesn’t belong to you. The book reframes parenthood as influence, not authorship. You shaped them, yes, but you didn’t script their life.

3. Letting go is not abandonment, it’s emotional adulthood for parents.
Adams encourages what she calls “detached compassion.” You stay connected, caring, available, but you no longer invest your emotional well-being in every rise and fall of your child’s decisions. This shift is hard but liberating. It brings peace back into the parent’s life and removes the constant cycle of disappointment, fear, and control. Loving from a healthier distance isn’t giving up. It’s giving both of you room to grow.

4. You’re allowed to reclaim your life.
This is perhaps the most counterintuitive lesson. Many parents feel selfish for wanting joy, hobbies, travel, friendships, or even just emotional rest when their child is struggling. Adams argues that parents must have a life independent of their children, not only for their own happiness but to model resilience, balance, and self-respect. You are still a parent, but you are also a human being. Your story does not end just because your child’s feels complicated.

When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us is not a book about blame. It’s a book about release, releasing guilt, releasing control, releasing the belief that your child’s path is a direct reflection of your worth. It teaches a gentler, healthier kind of love: one that holds space without holding on too tightly. For any parent carrying quiet heartbreak, this book is both a mirror and a map, reminding you that you can love your children fiercely while still choosing peace for yourself.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4pSVXEY

Enjoy the audio book with FREE trial using the link above. Use the link to register on audible and start enjoying!

11/27/2025

There is a certain way some books just find you at the exact moment your mind is ready to understand them. That was my experience with The Body Keeps the Score. The title had floated around my space for a while, mentioned in small conversations, quoted in quiet corners of the internet, and praised by people who sounded like they had survived something. One day, I finally decided to listen. And from the very first chapter, Sean Pratt’s steady, compassionate narration carried Bessel van der Kolk’s profound insights straight into me. The combination felt like sitting with someone who understood human pain in a language my body somehow already knew. Every chapter felt like a gentle exposure, a revelation, and an invitation to heal. These are the seven lessons that stayed with me, long after the audio stopped playing.

1. Trauma is not just a memory, it becomes the body’s ongoing experience, shaping how we feel, react, and live: Listening to the book made me understand that trauma does not politely sit in the past the way we often imagine. Van der Kolk explains that traumatic experiences embed themselves into our nervous system, altering how the body interprets danger, how the mind organizes thoughts, and how emotions rise without warning. The narration made this feel deeply personal, almost as if someone was explaining why certain reactions in my life had felt bigger than the moment itself. Trauma reshapes biology, and until it is addressed, the body continues to behave like the danger is still present.

2. Healing requires more than talking about what happened, the body must also be involved in the recovery: The author describes how traditional talk therapy often misses a crucial part of trauma treatment. The body holds tension, fear, panic, and frozen energy, so healing must involve body-based practices like yoga, breathwork, movement, and sensory awareness. Hearing this in the audiobook strengthened the message for me. There was a calm, reassuring tone to the narration when this point came up, almost guiding me to understand why some breakthroughs only happen when the body is allowed to speak, release, and reconnect with safety.

3. The brain can reorganize after trauma, but it needs new experiences of safety, connection, and control: One of the most powerful themes in the book is neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself. The author emphasizes that trauma wires the brain for survival rather than joy, making hypervigilance and emotional numbness feel normal. However, through the right therapeutic experiences, the brain can form new pathways. Listening to this section felt hopeful for me. The narration highlighted how healing is not only possible, it is the brain’s natural inclination once the body is given the chance to feel safe again.

4. Trauma isolates, and recovery grows within community, relationships, and supportive connections: Van der Kolk repeatedly stresses how trauma breaks the ability to feel connected to others. It traps people inside their own experience. But healing is often sparked by relationships that offer safety, consistency, and genuine presence. Hearing this in audio form had its own emotional weight. The tone of the narrator around these chapters made the message feel very human, as if he were reminding me that no one heals alone. Community, friendship, therapy, and empathy are part of the medicine.

5. Children carry trauma in ways that shape the adults they become, making early intervention a form of prevention, not just treatment: The book dives deeply into childhood trauma, explaining how a child’s developing brain absorbs experiences like a sponge. Neglect, violence, and instability can alter emotional regulation and even physical development. The narration made these chapters feel tender, almost protective. It helped me understand why many adult struggles have roots we often overlook. Van der Kolk’s explanation shows that helping children feel safe, valued, and seen is one of the strongest ways to build healthier societies and healthier futures.

6. The mind often disconnects from the body during trauma, so part of healing is learning to feel again without fear: The author explains a phenomenon called dissociation, where the mind separates from bodily sensations as a survival mechanism. At the time of listening, I found myself pausing the audiobook because the explanation felt so vivid. Pratt’s narration gives this section a gentle, grounded tone, making it clear that dissociation is not weakness, it is the body protecting itself. Healing means learning to slowly inhabit the body again, noticing sensations without panic, and welcoming back parts of ourselves that have long been shut out.

7. Telling one’s story is powerful, but the transformation comes from integrating the story into a lived sense of safety and self-awareness: Van der Kolk highlights that trauma survivors often tell their stories in a way that is disconnected from emotion, because the mind is trying to stay safe. True healing happens when the story becomes integrated, meaning the person can feel, process, and understand their experience without being overwhelmed. The audiobook narration made this lesson very clear. It is not the storytelling alone that heals, it is the reclaiming of control, the ability to stay present, and the restoration of wholeness.

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/3XKzxtt

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

11/27/2025

There are certain books that don’t just meet you, they confront you, and this one did exactly that. I remember looking for something that could help me understand the silent weight the body carries, the weight we rarely acknowledge because we’ve grown too used to functioning through stress. When I clicked play, Daniel Maté’s calm narration blended so well with his father’s piercing honesty that it felt as if I was being invited into a very intimate conversation. Before long, I wasn’t just listening to a book, I was listening to my own life being explained back to me with clarity and compassion.

1. The body keeps a perfect record, even when the mind tries to forget: Listening to Gabor Maté describe how the body stores unspoken stress felt like a mirror being placed in front of me. He explains that the body never lies, it responds faithfully to every unexpressed emotion, every swallowed anger, every moment we pretend to be fine. The narration made it painfully clear that suppressing pain doesn’t erase it, it simply relocates it into the body’s tissues, organs, and immune system. What we refuse to confront consciously will eventually surface physically, and the body will insist on being heard.

2. Chronic illness often begins with chronic self-neglect: One of the strongest messages that stood out for me is how many people who develop serious illnesses have a lifelong pattern of pleasing others at the expense of themselves. Maté’s examples of patients who could never say “no,” even when their health was failing, were both heartbreaking and familiar. As Daniel narrated, it felt like listening to the quiet tragedies of people who had never been taught that their own needs mattered. Illness, in many cases, becomes the body’s final attempt to force the person to rest, to stop, to choose themselves.

3. Stress is not defined by what happens to us, but by what happens within us: This lesson shifted something in me deeply. Maté explains that stress is not about the external event but about whether we feel supported, safe, and emotionally held as we move through it. Two people can experience the same situation and have completely different physiological reactions. Hearing this in the audiobook made me understand that hidden stress is not always loud, sometimes it is quiet, polite, and buried, yet it damages the body all the same.

4. Emotional repression is learned, and it can be unlearned: Throughout the book, Maté makes it clear that many of the coping patterns that harm us were formed in childhood when we had no choice but to adapt for survival. Some of us learned to stay quiet, to not make trouble, to be “good,” to take care of others before ourselves. These habits follow us into adulthood and eventually turn into illness when they conflict with our true needs. The author’s narration reassured me that although these patterns run deep, they are not destiny. Awareness is the doorway to healing.

5. Saying “yes” too often is a slow form of self-abandonment: Maté gives striking examples of patients who were so committed to being indispensable that they ignored every warning signal their bodies gave them. He shows how a lifetime of overextending oneself, refusing boundaries, and constantly prioritizing others can lead to autoimmune disorders, cancer, and neurological diseases. The audiobook makes this lesson feel very personal because the tone is gentle yet firm. The real danger is not in being kind but in being unable to say “no” even when everything inside is begging us to stop.

6. The body demands authenticity, not perfection: One of my favorite insights is that healing does not come from becoming the “ideal” version of ourselves, but from becoming the honest version. Maté emphasizes that pretending to be okay, pretending to be strong, pretending not to hurt, pretending to cope, all create internal conflict. The body, he says, is always pushing us toward what is real. Listening to this in Daniel’s warm voice made the message settle deeper. Authenticity is not selfishness, it is medicine.

7. Healing begins the moment we give ourselves permission to feel: The final lesson that stayed with me is the power of emotional awareness. Maté teaches that our feelings are not the problem, it is the suppression of those feelings that harms us. Allowing ourselves to grieve, to feel anger, to acknowledge fear, and to rest is not weakness, it is wisdom. The audiobook ends with a tone that feels almost like an invitation, reminding me that healing is not a dramatic event but a slow, deliberate return to myself. When the body says no, it is not punishing us, it is trying to protect us.

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/3X85Get

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.

11/18/2025

10/31/2025

Some of the pain we carry isn’t ours. It’s older than us, born in someone else’s silence, someone else’s heartbreak, someone else’s war with the world. Yet we feel it as if it began in our own bones.

Galit Atlas’s Emotional Inheritance is a stunning, intimate exploration of how trauma travels across generations, not through DNA alone, but through stories that were never told, feelings that were never processed, and memories that were too heavy to carry openly.

With the steady compassion of a therapist and the courage of someone who has looked grief in the eye, Atlas lifts the veil on the hidden emotional legacies that shape our fears, relationships, and identities. She does not sensationalize trauma, she humanizes it. She makes you pause, reread, and wonder: What am I feeling that doesn’t belong solely to me?

This book doesn’t just inform, it invites you. To look backward with tenderness. To look inward with curiosity. To look forward with a new kind of freedom.

6 Transformative Lessons:

1. Unspoken Trauma Still Speaks
Atlas shows that silence is never empty. When painful stories are buried, children absorb the emotions behind them, the anxiety, shame, or hypervigilance passed down like an invisible heirloom. Understanding this doesn’t assign blame; it reveals context. It allows us to separate our wounds from our ancestors’ wounds, so healing can finally begin.

2. We Repeat What We Don’t Understand
Patterns in families, abandoning, clinging, mistrusting, self-sabotaging, rarely start with us. Atlas gently exposes how the human psyche tries to resolve inherited trauma by reenacting it. But once we become aware of these patterns, we no longer need to live them. Awareness is the first act of liberation.

3. Trauma Lives in the Body
Even when we forget the story, the body remembers: the panic attacks without reason, the fear of intimacy, the unexplained sadness. Atlas highlights the importance of connecting mind and body, listening to the places where history hides, muscles, breath, instincts. Healing isn’t just mental work; it’s embodied release.

4. Telling the Story is Transformational
Secrets isolate. Trauma multiplies in silence. Atlas shows how naming what happened, even when details are incomplete becomes the turning point. Speaking the truth breaks the generational contract of suffering. It turns inherited pain into shared understanding rather than private torment.

5. Compassion Expands the Narrative
Instead of villainizing parents or grandparents, Atlas encourages compassion: they adapted to survive. When we stop viewing their coping mechanisms as failures, we reclaim the ability to see ourselves and them, with softness. Compassion is not excuse-making; it’s context-making.

6. You Can End the Cycle
Atlas offers a hopeful truth: just because trauma is inherited doesn’t mean it’s permanent. Healing in one generation ripples into the next. Boundaries break patterns. Therapy rewrites history. Courage repairs what fear damaged. We become, in her words, “the generation that chooses awareness over silence.”

Emotional Inheritance is a mirror, one that reflects not just who we are, but who we came from, and who we still have the power to become.

It will make you wonder about the tears your mother never cried, the dreams your father buried, the truths your grandparents carried quietly to their graves, and how those stories shaped the way you love, fear, hope, and heal. This book is not about dwelling on the past. It’s about finally understanding it, so the future can be different.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/3J7Nf6j

Enjoy the audio book with FREE trial using the link above. Use the link to register on audible and start enjoying!

10/24/2025

Finally Go From Stressed To Calm

10/24/2025

10/24/2025

10/18/2025

This is a meaningful resource for parents that I highly recommend.

There are books that whisper to your heart before they even begin to teach your mind. Hold On to Your Kids is one of those. I found it during a quiet evening, while scrolling through titles that promised to strengthen family bonds. The name caught my attention first, but it was the voices that sealed my curiosity. Listening to Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld narrate their work was like being guided by two wise friends who had seen too much of the world to take childhood for granted. Their calm, thoughtful tones carried both warning and warmth, drawing me into a world where parenting wasn’t about control, but connection. It felt less like an audiobook and more like a heartfelt conversation on what truly matters between a parent and a child. Here are seven lessons that stood out to me, reshaping how I think about children, attachment, and love itself.

1. Children don’t need to be controlled, they need to be connected: The authors made it so clear that attachment is the foundation of influence. As I listened, I could almost feel the truth of it. When a child feels deeply connected to a parent, guidance flows naturally. But when that bond weakens, parents lose their emotional authority, and peers take their place. This struck me deeply, reminding me that love, not power, is the true bridge to a child’s heart. For any parent, this insight can restore patience and tenderness where frustration once lived.

2. Peer orientation is quietly eroding the parent-child bond: This was one of the hardest truths to accept. The book shows how society now pushes children toward peers for identity and belonging, leaving parents sidelined. As I listened, I could almost hear the sadness behind Neufeld’s voice, urging parents to reclaim their place in their children’s hearts. It made me rethink the idea of “socializing” kids too early, and how fragile attachment becomes when peers become the primary influence. Anyone who listens carefully will begin to see why so many young people feel lost and disconnected.

3. Attachment is not optional, it is survival: The authors use vivid examples to show that children are wired to attach. The question is not whether they will attach, but to whom. That statement echoed in my mind long after the chapter ended. It reminded me that when children turn away from parents, they will inevitably turn toward something or someone else. This realization alone can help any parent refocus on building emotional safety before worrying about behavior or performance.

4. Discipline without relationship leads to rebellion: This lesson came through powerfully. The authors explained that discipline works only when it flows from a trusted bond. When a child feels disconnected, correction feels like rejection. Hearing it said aloud, I realized how often adults try to fix behavior without first repairing connection. This lesson taught me that the key to better discipline lies in empathy, not enforcement. It is a shift that could transform family dynamics entirely.

5. The digital world deepens peer dependence: In one of the most eye-opening parts, the authors describe how technology has become a substitute for real connection. I could feel the weight of their words as they explained how screens amplify peer orientation, trapping children in shallow emotional loops. It made me think of how easily parents can lose touch while thinking their kids are just “keeping busy.” This realization reminded me that technology needs boundaries, not as punishment, but as protection for what truly matters: human closeness.

6. Parents must reclaim leadership through warmth and presence: What I loved most about this book is how it restores confidence in gentle authority. The authors reminded me that being a parent isn’t about dominating, it’s about guiding from a place of calm strength. As I listened, their words gave me a sense of hope that leadership can be both firm and tender. This lesson can empower any caregiver who feels uncertain or weary, teaching them that consistency and care speak louder than rules.

7. Reconnection is always possible, no matter how distant things have become: Perhaps the most comforting message was that it is never too late. The authors spoke about the possibility of rebuilding trust and closeness even after years of separation or misunderstanding. That part moved me deeply. It reminded me that attachment is resilient, and that love, when expressed with patience, has the power to heal old wounds. For anyone who feels they have lost their child emotionally, this lesson is a quiet promise that hope still lives.

Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/4qmChKW

You can access the audiobook when you register on the Audible platform using the l!nk above.