Laura Archer, MSW

01/13/2026

Free *WHEN ANGER TAKES OVER ICEBERG: POSTER & WORKSHEETS FOR CHILDREN*
Comment "ICEBERG" and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

Anger in children is often the part adults notice most, but it is rarely the real problem.

Shouting, hitting, slamming doors, or saying hurtful things are usually signs that something underneath feels too hard. Many children act out when they feel overwhelmed, worried, unsafe, unheard, embarrassed, or exhausted from trying to cope. Anger is often a signal, not bad behaviour.

When children are labelled as aggressive or difficult, the feelings driving that behaviour are easily missed. This can leave children feeling more misunderstood and less able to regulate their emotions. What helps most is not punishment, but curiosity, safety, and support.

Children need help to understand what their anger is trying to tell them. They need adults who can stay calm, name feelings, set clear boundaries, and teach safe ways to manage big emotions. With the right support, children can learn to recognise early signs of anger, ask for help, and use calming strategies before things escalate.

Anger does not mean something is wrong with a child. It usually means something is too much right now.

01/13/2026

Supporting a child with inattentive ADHD at home can feel like living with constant “nearlys”…
Nearly ready. Nearly started. Nearly finished. Nearly listening.

And it’s exhausting — especially when your child wants to do the thing, but their brain keeps dropping the steps.

Inattentive ADHD often isn’t loud or chaotic on the outside… it’s quiet overwhelm on the inside. Forgetting, drifting off, losing things, struggling to start, getting stuck halfway through, then feeling awful about it.

This one-page visual is packed with practical home strategies to build real-life organisation skills (without the battles) AND protect your child’s self-esteem at the same time.

Because your child doesn’t need more pressure…
They need systems that do the remembering for them.

Save this for your next school morning, homework meltdown, or “where is my…?” moment. To SAVE, click on the image, tap the three dots, and choose Save.
If you’d like the girl version, comment GIRL below.

01/13/2026

💯❤️

It’s not the child ‘refusing’ school - it might often be the school refusing to understand the child.

It was once called school refusal. Then it became emotionally-based school avoidance.

But both labels still put the weight on the child - as if they’re the problem to be fixed.

When really, most children aren’t 𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 education - they’re 𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 fear.

They’re 𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 panic.
Noise.
Separation.
The discomfort they feel when they are in school for whatever reason that might be.

The feeling of being misunderstood, yet expected to cope anyway.

And every time we frame it as a choice, we shift the focus away from where it belongs - on the environment that’s breaking them.

A child who can’t go to school isn’t being defiant - they’re communicating distress in the only way they can.

If a child is 𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 we need to ask the question what are they 𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜?!

This is a message that I hope will be shared far and wide, because there desperately needs to be a shift in understanding in schools before they start to support these learners in the way that they need.

And some schools might be making every adaption to do their very best, but EBSA is still there — which then begs the question, is this environment just not suitable for the child?

I have developed free resources that can also help with that and can be shared around your own professional networks.

Most people on this page have already signed up for our newsletter, which gives you free access to the library of guides on emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA), If you haven’t already, then drop the word 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐂𝐄 below to access the link too.

01/11/2026

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria can make everyday moments feel painfully personal for some children. A gentle correction, a missed invite, or a change in tone can be experienced as deep rejection rather than mild disappointment. This isn’t about being over-sensitive or dramatic — it’s about how the nervous system processes social threat.

RSD is commonly linked with neurodivergence, particularly ADHD and autism, where the brain is wired to notice differences, patterns, and social cues more intensely. For neurodivergent children, repeated experiences of feeling misunderstood, corrected, or ‘out of sync’ with expectations can heighten sensitivity to perceived rejection over time. Their reactions are not chosen; they are protective responses from a brain trying to stay safe.

When we understand rejection sensitivity through a neurodiversity-informed, brain-based lens, our response changes. Instead of focusing on behaviour alone, we begin to see the fear, shame, and overwhelm underneath. Support then shifts towards reducing threat, building emotional safety, and strengthening connection — rather than asking the child to simply cope better.

This visual is designed to support parents, carers, and educators to better understand what rejection sensitivity feels like for a child, why it shows up so strongly in neurodivergent children, and how we can respond in ways that protect self-esteem and emotional wellbeing.

12/30/2025

Regulation Tools & PDA
Why It’s Not as Simple as “Just Use a Strategy”

One of the hardest parts of supporting PDAers, kids and adults, is the advice that gets thrown around:

“Get them to use a breathing technique.”
“Teach them coping skills.”
“Give them a regulation tool.”
“Have them pick from a calm-down box.”

But here’s the thing no one really seems tells you:
PDAers can’t regulate on command!
And the moment regulation becomes a demand, the tool stops being useful.

This is not resistance.
It’s not oppositional behaviour.
It’s the nervous system saying:
“I can’t do that right now.”

So why do PDAers struggle with traditional regulation tools?
✔️ The instruction feels like pressure
✔️ The idea of being “told” how to calm down can trigger fight/flight
✔️ They often feel watched, evaluated, or controlled
✔️ The tool itself becomes a demand (“use this”)
✔️ Many tools require interoception (tuning into the body), which can be difficult during dysregulation
✔️ Shame and self-awareness make everything harder once emotions are rising

For PDAers, regulation HAS to feel:
• chosen
• safe
• autonomous
• non-judgmental
• low-pressure

Otherwise it backfires!!!!

Ok, so what DOES help?

Invitation, not instruction
“Here are some things nearby if they help.”
“That tool is there if you want it.”
“Would anything help your body feel safer?”

Regulation that’s done WITH, not TO
Many PDAers regulate through co-regulation:
quiet presence, soft tone, predictability, stillness, gentle humour, animals, movement, sensory comfort.

Tools that are self-led
Fidgets, weighted blankets, headphones, swinging, pacing, drawing, scrolling, music, lying on the floor, hiding under blankets.

If THEY choose it → it can work.
If WE push it → it doesn’t work.

Regulation through interest
PDAers often regulate through:
• special interests
• screens
• Minecraft / Roblox
• creative projects
• research rabbit holes
• deep diving into something meaningful

These are not “distractions.”
They are nervous-system anchors.

Making tools accessible, not required
Instead of:
“Pick a tool!”
Try:
“The things you like are always nearby if your body wants them.”

Notice when the window of tolerance is shrinking
Early cues matter more than mid-meltdown tools:
• voice shifts
• pacing
• fidgeting
• withdrawal
• irritability
• sudden tiredness
• noise sensitivity
• “I don’t want to”
• avoidance

This is the moment to soften, not fix.

And for parents:
You’re not doing it wrong.
Your child isn’t “refusing” to regulate.
You haven’t failed to teach skills.

PDAers CAN regulate beautifully,
but only within safety, autonomy, and trust.

Their regulation tools might look different from what’s written in the parenting books.
Different doesn’t mean wrong.
Different just means neurotype-aligned.

12/30/2025

12/30/2025

Your well-being isn't selfish. It's essential. You are the most important tool in your parenting toolbox.

It’s expected to feel depleted, stressed, or running on empty. If your tone sharpens or patience thins, it’s a message about your body budget. This is biology, not failure. Taking care of yourself isn't taking away from your children. It's making deposits into your own body budget so you can be the calm, regulated presence they need. You matter. Your needs matter. Who is mothering mommy today?

12/30/2025

❤️ 🧠 🫂

12/19/2025

💖💖💖

Self-regulation doesn't come from sticker charts or consequences. It comes from co-regulation, or the attuned, caring relationships we build with children.

We can't expect children to regulate themselves when their brains and bodies are still developing that capacity. They need us to be their calm, their safety, their steady presence through the storm.

Through our tone of voice, our facial expressions, and our gentle presence, we help their nervous systems learn what safety feels like. Over time, this becomes their own ability to self-regulate.

12/13/2025

As children hit the 9–12 stage, life gets bigger, busier, and a lot more complex — and so do the brain skills they’re expected to use. Planning homework, remembering instructions, managing emotions, keeping track of belongings… it’s a lot for a developing brain that’s still very much under construction.

That’s why I’ve created a clear, parent-and-school-friendly Executive Functioning Checklist to help you spot strengths and identify areas needing support.

Perfect for teachers, parents, SENCOs, LSAs, and anyone supporting a young person who needs that little bit more scaffolding.

Download the full checklist at link in comments or via Linktree Shop in Bio.

5 years - 8 years coming next.

Save, share, and tag someone who works with this age group — this one’s for you.

12/13/2025

When we shift from asking "How do I stop this behavior?" to "What is my child's body trying to tell me?" everything changes. Behaviors are messages from a child's nervous system about their experience in the world.
Think of challenging behaviors as the tip of the iceberg. What we see on the surface is a hint of what's happening beneath: the physical sensations, stress responses, and individual differences that shape how our children experience each moment.
This week, try approaching one challenging moment with curiosity instead of correction. What might your child's body be communicating?

12/13/2025