Bayridge Counselling Centres

11/29/2025

It’s called healthy, love, and another way of saying that is to be loved well. This is not where the other person is walking on eggshell, is people pleasing, rather it is reasonable expectations, and knowing healthy needs and the person being able to show up and give to you your healthy needs, and not having their needs dismissed at the same time rather their needs are getting met by you and a healthy reasonable way as well. It also addresses conflict we have it we’re gonna have more of that it is just part of being human. If couples do not have conflict, usually there are stuff happening internally yet they are not looking at it and they are afraid to speak of it. We will have conflict and how will we have conflict in a healthy way is important sometimes we’re gonna mess up there because we are human and then we need to focus on the repair part and how can we dive in deeper and understanding the other person deeper in the motion felt and just want to embody them so we can get to what they needed and how to attend to that and healthy way to slingshot that relationship moving forward with more intimacy and more trust and safety. And those happy hormones that we all want to need. We’re not saying that the goal is be happy all the time. That is not possible. It’s just that the other person is doing the best to make sure that they’re not causing an injury to us. There’s a phrase. It takes a village and it really does take a village of healthy people helping each other in life. Where the good times get better and in the low times or less painful because of the support and love of the other person.

11/29/2025

So true and let’s have real talk, most of us do not know how nuance this is and how does that look like exactly and how does that not look like exactly. We all want it and we assume we know what we’re doing and we assume that the other person knows what they’re doing and then we assume that the other person doesn’t care that we do not matter that we are not safe. And unless we are not safe, and unless there’s evidence of support that then there is room to learn how to do things effectively so that we get more of those gooey feelings that comes from being seen and care for well and be able to talk about all the things on a cerebral level.

~ Lulu

11/29/2025

Absolutely!

1. Your Nervous System Was Built in Childhood

Before you had language, your body was already learning:
“Is love safe?”
“Is comfort available?”
“Is the world predictable… or dangerous?”

If you grew up around chaos, shouting, silent treatment, neglect, or emotional distance, your nervous system wired itself for survival, not safety. That wiring doesn’t disappear, it follows you.

🔹 2. Your Attachment Blueprint Was Formed Before Age 12

Whether you chase love… avoid love… fear love… or struggle to keep it, you learned that from the emotional climate you grew up in.

Your adult relationships aren’t random.
They mirror the love you were taught to accept.

🔹 3. Childhood Wounds Hide Inside Adult Behaviors

You think it’s “just anxiety.”
You think it’s “just insecurities.”
You think it’s “just a type.”
But psychology calls them:
Unmet needs. Emotional neglect. Attachment wounds. Nervous system memory.

Adults don’t randomly:
• overthink
• shut down
• chase emotionally unavailable people
• fear abandonment
• struggle with boundaries
• over-apologize
• numb feelings
• feel unworthy

These are childhood defense mechanisms showing up in adult form.

4. Trauma Isn’t Only What Happened, It’s What Was Missing

Most people say “I wasn’t abused.”
But emotional neglect, lack of affection, lack of protection, and lack of validation shape you just as deeply.

A child who never felt “held” grows into an adult who never feels “safe.”

5. Childhood Becomes Adulthood When Left Unhealed

Your childhood becomes your:
• triggers
• fears
• attachment style
• coping mechanisms
• relationship patterns
• self-worth
• emotional reactions

Not because you’re broken but because the child in you never got what they needed.

✨ The Truth

No, not everything goes back to childhood but the most painful patterns often do.

Because the body keeps score. The brain remembers. And the emotional wounds you weren’t allowed to talk about…show up as the behaviors you can’t explain today.

You’re not dramatic.
You’re not “too much.”
You’re not damaged.

You’re carrying a story no one helped you process.

If this felt uncomfortably accurate, it’s because your inner child is asking to be seen.

✨ I Didn’t Choose to Be Born — for childhood trauma, emotional neglect & inner child healing.

✨ Chasing Love That Hurts — for breaking patterns that come from unmet childhood needs.

Choose the one you need today here: https://linktr.ee/traumatorecovery 💛

11/29/2025

Smiling!!! 👍👌☝️🧠❤️😎

11/28/2025

So true.

Big sigh. Life is hard at times and holidays bring up hard truths. It is a time in theory that we are to be merry, and joyful and feeling so much love because we are surrounded by love ones where we share fun moments, and snuggle up by the fireplace, the tv, sleighrides, hot apple ciders, with magic moments right? Well not so for many of us unless we live inside a hallmark movie. The hard truth is that it can be a lonely time where there is fear and grief. We lost people, we miss people, we want certain people and we want to be loved in certain ways with warmth, tenderness and nurturing. And we needs safe people and safe places to share our sadness with and that can be hard when we believe we do not have anyone. It is important we guard our minds so that we do not spiral out, and that we move our bodies to collect some happy hormones while we hold hands with our pain. Remember we can do different this year. We do not have to do things that upset us. And also we can create new traditions.

11/28/2025

Anger! We all get it, have it and yet some of us appear like we don't. Why?

11/27/2025

Esther Perel reveals that most arguments are never about the shoes or the closet, but about deeper needs for care, respect, and personal power.

11/27/2025

Ask your partner these 5 questions. 🤓🧠😊☝️👌❤️

11/27/2025

We need to teach healthy love and unhealthy. No more assumptions.

Your child pushing back on YOU isn’t a failure.
It’s rehearsal.
You’re their safe place to learn how to say:
“I don’t agree.”
“I’m not comfortable.”
“I need more information.”
This is how confident, aware humans are built.

11/27/2025

Let’s have reasonable expectations and let kids know that being human means we will sometimes have days that are ick. Otherwise they will feel those uncomfortable emotions and think there is something wrong with them.

A gentle reminder for today 🌼
Kids have bad days too 🌧️
They get overwhelmed 🫂
They cry for reasons they can’t explain 😢
That doesn’t make them “naughty” — it simply makes them human ❤️