03/12/2024
Namaste
My sister in law’s death this past fall hit me way harder than I expected. My husband (her brother) transitioned to non physical 17 years ago, and I'd only physically visited her once in the last two decades of her life. None-the-less we had lived together, drank and partied together, and generally misspent our teenage years and early twenties together. When I sobered up in my mid twenties I moved to Slave Lake and really didn't see her much until I returned to Calgary in 2014. We spent a day catching up in her kitchen. She was off the crack, still drinking and smoking a bit of w**d, but doing better than I had ever seen.
She had so much unresolved trauma, generational trauma. Her death touched on failures within so many systems. Residential schools, along with addiction and poverty had harmed her mother and father, and the foster homes they put her in only further damaged her. The Foster Care Crisis. The Op**te Crisis. The Homelessness Crisis. Racism. Mental health.
She had been missing a couple years, and other than a phone call almost a year before she passed, and other than a brief sighting in February, she was totally unseen for over two years. I had been driving the streets occasionally, searching for her familiar face. I wanted to find her so bad, our mutual niece and nephews were really concerned about their Auntie.
I started getting into the trenches. Walking the streets instead of driving them. Getting brave enough to talk to sketchy mutual acquaintances I hadn't spoken to in decades. Finally, an old drug dealer my late husband knew said, “Yeah, she comes around my place every now and then. I saw her a few days ago, she’s staying at the Calgary drop in.
We were all THRILLED! She was staying at the Calgary drop-in, and it would simply be a matter of running into her at the right time, when she was coming or going, as the public was not allowed entrance to the center. Her childhood friend and I left the person who answered the phone at the drop-in our names and numbers, we were assured messages for clients are put on a big chalk-board, and the clients can call if they wish.
Four days later her sister in Saskatchewan received a call from the Calgary police at 1am. Sharon had overdosed and died IN the Calgary drop-in a few hours earlier.
She left behind 6 children, ranging in age from 21 to 29. At least two were homeless and addicted. A month after her funeral, I took her 23-year-old homeless son in, but quickly found I was not equipped to deal with his level of trauma. He presented as verbally abuse, disrespectful, and entitled. Dishonesty and theft. After 12 days I simply had to ask him to leave. I made it through Christmas, and then left for a restorative break early in the new year. I've been on Vancouver Island, daily ocean walks with my dog. Slow Yoga. Tears released. Strength built. So much sadness and pain in this world, yet I believe the wellness and the goodness on this planet is much more abundant than the sorrow and pain. If we acknowledged and absorbed the goodness around us half as much as we acknowledge and absorb the pain, perhaps we would be better able to hold space for the pain.
On a brighter note, my niece here in Victoria is due to give birth any day now, and the beauty of seeing life being brought forth by a loving and whole being is the bittersweet salve that is soothing my soul as I mourn the physical loss of my sister. My sister, who was never consistently held or loved in a healthy & healing manner.
Out of my grief, I have begun honoring my longing to create a healing space on Vancouver Island, near Duncan. I am anticipating a schedule of roughly three weeks in Duncan, followed by three weeks in Calgary.
I am opening up my calendar to complimentary consultation calls again this week and look forward to chatting with you soon.
I am scheduled to return to Calgary in the first week of April.
Sharon, my sweet soul sister, I love you always, rest in love.
