11/10/2025
This week brought up some stuff for me that I didn’t expect and it kind of forced me to sit with the parts of myself I keep wishing were different. Just me being human and noticing myself and realizing some things about me are probably always going to be there.
Like the introvert thing. I am an introvert. People still seem shocked when I say that but honestly it’s true. One on one I’m chatty and totally myself. Drop me into a room full of people where I have to socialize and you can actually watch my soul start looking for the exit. My RBF shows up. My brain gets loud. I overthink everything like my face, my tone and whether I’m coming across as weird. I don’t mean to look like I don’t want to be there, I genuinely do. I just get overwhelmed fast.
And I take things personally. I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s not always about me. But I still do. I’m a sensitive person and I used to hate that. Some days I still do. But I’m starting to understand that sensitivity isn’t something I’m meant to erase. It’s how I’m built. Even when I worry people won’t like that part of me.
I care deeply. I attach deeply. So when something shifts in a friendship or connection, my body feels it before my brain can catch up. And yes, sometimes I spiral. I replay things. I question myself. I beat myself up for reacting at all. I wish I didn’t but I do.
And I’m not great at asking for help. That’s a truth on its own. I don’t want to take up space or be a burden so I’ll look fine on the outside while my insides feel like a storm. It’s not ideal but it’s where I go.
These parts of me I’ve struggled to accept them. I’ve spent years trying to make myself lighter, easier, less sensitive, less much. But I think some parts of me are just here to stay. They make up who I am even when I’m not thrilled about them.
Yesterday brought all of it right to the surface.
