Comfy Couch Psychology

10/05/2023

What to say if someone is experiencing a panic attack and why.

08/09/2023

If children don’t feel that the adult in the room is able to - and wanting to - care for them and hold boundaries securely and lovingly, we might see restless, agitated, big behaviour, controlling or demanding behaviour, or a child who withdraws or puts themselves away.

These kids - the ones who put themselves away - will often be no trouble at all, but they also won’t be able to learn, be curious, take our guidance and grow.

This is the problem with traditional fear-based discipline. All it teaches them is not to come to us when things are messy. There will come a point (and it comes quite quickly) that the only things we know about their world are the things they decide to share. We want to be the first person, not the ‘last resort’ person.

Of course, we might also see these behaviours (big, withdrawn) even if we are holding boundaries securely and lovingly. When our kids collide with a boundary, it can drive big feelings and messy behaviour.

Sometimes it can be tempting to drop the boundary to remove their distress, but we don’t need to. We humans feel safest when we know where the edges are, and when we can trust those edges not to shift around too much.

It’s not about cutting out boundaries, but about adding in warmth. Warmth AND leadership - they need both.

It can be so tough to feel warmth when our own boundaries are being squeezed, but doing this whenever you can will help bring them back to calm quicker. It lets them see that we can handle every version of them, not just the ‘convenient’ delightful one.

If you do feel yourself amping up, that’s okay. It’s so normal. Their distress will fuel our distress. What’s important is that our distress doesn’t give further fuel to their distress.

You might need to walk away for a moment (if you can) to regulate with a few strong breaths, and remind yourself that all parents feel like this sometimes, and that’s okay. If you do collide with them at the boundary, and if this comes with yelling or things you wish you didn’t say, you can fix that. Repair the rupture as soon as you can and don’t sell it as something they caused or deserved. Humility is an important growth point too.♥️

08/09/2023

07/22/2023

06/19/2023

When children have a felt sense of threat, they will flock to their important adults. This is normal and healthy and it’s how they stay safe.

It’s not a sign of breakage, but a call for support. That ‘support’ will look different depending on whether this is a time for safety or a time for courage. Often, the hardest part as their important adults is knowing the difference.

When anxiety happens in response to a real threat (scary dangerous), ‘support’ will look like us moving them to safety. But, when anxiety happens in response to things that are hard, new, brave or important (scary safe), this support will look like us sending them signals of safety and confidence in their capacity to cope. It will look like us letting them know that we see them, we believe in them, and opening the way for them to be just a little bit braver than last time - and it only needs to be just a little bit.

In those moments, children are asking two things. The first is, ‘Do you see me and do you understand why this doesn’t feel okay?’ This is where we call on the power of validation. Meet them with the same intensity of energy they are feeling, but stay regulated: ‘It’s hard being away from home isn’t it! I feel like that too sometimes.’ Let your nonverbals match this - your voice, your face, your posture and movements. Sometimes you don’t need any words at all. Just feel what they feel. They’ll know that you get it.

The second question is, ‘Do you think I’ll be okay?’ This is where they are looking to feel our confidence in them: ‘I know you can do this.’ We aren’t saying everything will sparkle for them. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t (yet). As long as they are safe, what we are saying is that they can cope. They are safe, and they can do this. It might be messy and hard, but that’s how brave things feel sometimes. The path towards building brave almost always feels like this. That’s because ‘brave’ isn’t about outcome. It’s about process. It’s about staying with the anxiety for long enough to strengthen their bravery muscles just a little bit more. It rarely feels like certainty. Most often it will feel small, or fragile, or unsure. That’s what makes it brave.♥️

06/19/2023

Father's Day and other family-focused days can be triggering for those who have challenging relationships or experiences with their family of origin.

Families don't have to be an F word - you get to create your own. Who is in your chosen family?

This gorgeous illustration is by Elise Gravel - English and can be downloaded (alongside lots of other great posters) here: http://elisegravel.com/en/livres/free-printable-stuff/

05/23/2023

I believe in focusing on the strengths of individuals with ADHD, especially when working with women and girls. This approach acknowledges the difficulties they may experience, but also highlights the unique strengths commonly found in people with ADHD. Research studies have identified several strengths such as high energy and persistence, quick decision-making, creativity, intense focus on tasks of interest, resilience, strategic thinking, multitasking abilities, and the ability to stay calm under pressure. It's encouraging to explore these strengths and their potential in individuals with ADHD. Interested in getting an ADHD assessment? Book a free 15 minute consultation with Christine at Comfy Couch Psychology.

05/17/2023

As we all know there are currently wild fires occurring in Alberta. These fires have forced many families out of their homes. Natural disasters provide us with opportunities to help one another. Here are some resources to aid :)

05/15/2023

There are several types of grief that do not involve death. Grief is a natural response to loss. However, it can leave us with some unpleasant overwhelming feelings. Seeking help can help us overcome these emotions. Jessica McDonald is accepting new clients.

05/10/2023

We can grow through and overcome the difficult obstacles in our lives. You do not need to grow alone. Jessica McDonald is accepting new clients.