04/11/2026
One of the more painful dimensions of the human experience is feeling lonely in a crowd, surrounded by people but unable to make a connection. It is naturally more difficult to tolerate your own separation from others when they seem just within reach.
“Eleanor Rigby,” by the Beatles, describes this kind of isolation. Rigby “picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been.” Wilco describes something similar in “How to Fight Loneliness.” The song’s protagonist advises, “You laugh at every joke,” and “Fill your heart with smoke,” to essentially hide how lonely you feel.
It’s a variety of loneliness that may have especially devastating consequences. Cornell University psychology researcher Anthony Ong and a team of colleagues recently decided to look more closely at the health impacts of something they call “social asymmetry”—the mismatch between how lonely you feel versus how socially connected you actually are by objective measures.
They followed nearly 8,000 older adults in England for about 13 years and tracked who developed heart disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and dementia as well as those who died. They split people into a few groups. Those who were both objectively isolated and also felt lonely; those who weren’t isolated but felt lonely; and those who were socially isolated but felt fine. The first group, they found, had higher risk across every health outcome. The second group—lonely but not isolated—had significantly higher risk of heart disease and death. The final group were fine on all health measures except dementia risk.
Feeling lonely, then, may be generally more dangerous than being alone.
Nautilus spoke with Ong about whether we’re in an epidemic of loneliness, whether there’s a magic number when it comes to age and loneliness, what chosen solitude has to do with happiness, and how the findings might affect evolutionary theories about cooperation and social connection. Ong expressed surprise at the dementia risk result. “It suggests that when it comes to these neurobiological phenomena, it’s more than a feeling. It’s your actual social world that may be protective,” he explains.
Read the full conversation: https://nautil.us/the-costs-of-feeling-lonely-in-a-crowd-1279612