Melissa Savoie, Psychologist / Psychologue

05/31/2025

Imposter Syndrome

05/28/2025

Love isn't "magical". Love is a choice, not a feeling.

198.8K likes, 1714 comments, “Marriage isn’t a fairytale.it’s a tradeoff” by soulanalyst9

05/28/2025

What is Moral Injury?

05/27/2025

Do healthy couples argue?

05/27/2025

Étapes de résolution de Conflit en Couple

05/26/2025

Why do some people "check out" when they feel overwhelmed?

05/25/2025

Let's talk about Perfectionism

05/24/2025

Survival Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

05/23/2025

Let's talk about Acceptance

05/22/2025

The Science behind Exercise 🏃‍♂️ and Happiness 😁

05/22/2025

Do you ever feel upset when your partner's attention is directed elsewhere—often, this ties back to early attachment experiences. Here’s a breakdown of what might be at the root:

1. Fear of Abandonment or Being Replaced

If, as a child, you experienced inconsistency in emotional availability from caregivers—like times when they were physically present but emotionally distant, or when attention was unpredictable—you may have developed a deep sensitivity to “disconnection.” When your partner is with others, your nervous system may interpret it as loss, even if logically you know it's not.

Possible childhood roots:

A parent who was often distracted, unavailable, or emotionally absent.

Feeling like you had to “compete” with siblings, a parent's job, or other responsibilities to get attention.

Experiences of being left out, dismissed, or made to feel unimportant.

2. Conditional Love or Approval

If love or approval in childhood felt conditional—like you had to behave, perform, or please to feel loved—then you may subconsciously believe that if someone else gets attention, your place is threatened.

Underlying belief:

> “I’m only safe or lovable when I have someone’s full attention.”
“If they give to someone else, there won’t be enough left for me.”

3. Enmeshment or Emotional Role Reversal

In some families, a child might be unconsciously placed in the role of an emotional partner or caretaker to a parent (a dynamic called parentification). This can create a belief that emotional closeness is exclusive and that sharing emotional intimacy threatens your role.

Belief formed:

> “I’m supposed to be the center of your emotional world.”

4. Anxious Attachment Style

This pattern is a classic expression of anxious attachment, where the fear is not necessarily that your partner will leave, but that any shift in attention means you’re not important. The nervous system reads separation—even temporary—as danger.

---

What Can Help:

Inner child work: Connecting with the younger part of you that felt unseen or second-best.

Reframing beliefs: Exploring and updating beliefs like “I need to be prioritized all the time to feel loved.”

Self-soothing practices: Learning to regulate that internal alarm without needing your partner to fix it.

Communicating needs without blame: “When I feel left out, I notice I start to feel anxious or scared I’m not important. I know this is my stuff, but I wanted to share it with you.”

05/21/2025

Why do people procrastinate?