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The Stress Experts, 315 River Road S, Carman, MB (2026)

12/20/2025

I love Christmas. The decorations, the lights, the palpable energy shift as the year comes to a close.

I watch Christmas movies, but I’m not entirely sure if I actually like them…they can be so lame. However, I recently enjoyed an animated Christmas movie on Netflix called, “That Christmas”.

In the movie, there is a quote:

“Christmas is a bit like an emotional magnifying glass. If you feel loved and happy, Christmas will make you feel even happier and more loved. But if you feel alone and unloved, the magnifier gets to work and makes all those bad things bigger and worse.”

I know not everyone loves Christmas. For some, it can be a very challenging time of year.

I received an email from The Daily Wellness - a free email list that sends out science-based tools and tips for mental wellness - that addressed this very idea and provided tips for navigating the season. It was written by Cherish A. Smith. I am sharing it here:

The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for people who are grieving—whether after a recent loss or years later—December can feel like standing in the middle of a brightly lit room while wrapped in emotional darkness. Everywhere you turn, the world is celebrating. Meanwhile, your heart is just trying to make it through the day.

As a therapist, I often hear clients say, "Everyone expects me to be happy… but I'm barely holding it together." If this is you, please know: nothing is wrong with you. Holidays can hurt, sometimes deeply, when grief is present.

Why Holidays Feel Especially Painful When You're Grieving

Grief naturally pulls us inward. It slows us down, makes us reflective, and heightens the tender places inside us. Holidays, however, do the opposite—they pull outward. They ask us to gather, celebrate, smile, prepare, perform.

This contrast can create:

-Intense isolation: You may feel like the only person in the room carrying pain.
-Emotional dissonance: The joy around you may feel jarring or even cruel.
-Pressure to "try and enjoy it": Well-meaning family and friends may urge positivity, not realizing how invalidating that can feel.
-Reactivated wounds: Holidays often bring up childhood memories, family dynamics, and younger parts of us that once felt overwhelmed, unseen, or unsupported.

And grief doesn't only come from death. People grieving a divorce, estrangement, illness, loss of functioning, or loss of identity can feel equally unmoored during this season. Whether your loss was recent or happened years ago, the holidays can magnify absence. You are not doing the holidays wrong. You are not doing grief wrong. You are doing what humans do when the heart breaks.

When Holidays Hurt: A G.I.F.T. for Grieving Hearts

To help you move through this difficult season, here is a gentle four-step framework—a G.I.F.T. for anyone navigating grief while the world celebrates.

G — Grieve Your Loss

There is no right way to grieve—especially during the holidays.

Your grief may feel heavier this time of year: hollow, overwhelming, lonely, angry, or exhausting. You may not want to participate in traditions that once brought comfort. You may feel out of sync with the people around you.

Grief might look like:

-Crying
-Not crying
-Withdrawing
-Staring into space
-Remembering
-Feeling numb
-Wanting company
-Needing solitude

Every expression of grief is valid.

Your mind isn't broken. Your heart is hurting—and hurt needs room.

I — Invitation to Choose What Supports You

Give yourself permission to choose what actually feels supportive, not what you "should" do.

Ask yourself:
-Which people feel comforting right now?
-Which events or traditions feel okay—and which feel too painful?
-What do I genuinely need, separate from expectations?

Consider making a gentle Plan A and Plan B:

Plan A: Attend the gathering, but only for as long as feels manageable.
Plan B: Have a soft landing—your favorite meal, a warm drink, a quiet movie, a safe friend to text—if you need to step away early.

A backup plan isn't avoidance. It's compassion.

F — Freedom to Cancel the Holidays

You are allowed to do the holidays differently this year.

You can skip:
-The family photo
-The party
-The decorating
-The gift exchange
-The card-sending

Taking space doesn't mean you'll never enjoy the holidays again. It simply means you can't this year—yet. "Yet" honours that grief is not static. It shifts and softens in its own time.

T — Trust Your Choices

Trust what you need, even if others don't understand.

-Make intentional space for your grief
-Write a letter to your loved one
-Cook their favorite meal
-Light a candle or hang a memory ornament
-Sit quietly and breathe
-Share a story about them
-Visit a meaningful place

Trusting yourself doesn't mean fulfilling others' expectations—it means honouring what your heart knows is true. If your holiday is slow, quiet, gentle, or solitary, that's okay.

You Are Not Alone

Grieving during the holidays can feel unbearably isolating, but you are not alone in this experience. The pain you're carrying is real, valid, and worthy of care. Whether you choose to participate, modify, or opt out entirely, you deserve to move through this season at the pace your heart can handle.

If you need extra support this month, here are some helpful resources that offer support for holiday grief:

-A free live online support session (Dec 21, 2:00pm CST) about grief during the holidays: davidkesslertraining.com/holiday-grief-support

-David Kessler also offers access to a year-round online grief support community: davidkesslertraining.com/tenderhearts

-Community, support, and resources from GriefShare: griefshare.org

-Group therapy and other support groups: psychologytoday.com/us

-Grief & Loss Anonymous: griefandlossanonymous.org

You don't have to navigate this alone. If you're feeling especially overwhelmed and finding it hard to survive the holidays, consider reaching out to a friend, joining a support group, or connecting with a mental health professional.

Accessing support is not a sign of weakness—it's a brave, compassionate step.

Be gentle with yourself. This season may hurt—but you don't have to navigate it without compassion, choice, and community.

(Me, again…)

Tapping/EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a very helpful tool to use, too! While I have yet to make a tapping video of my own on this topic, check out this short video from Melanie Moore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zwpv-50vrY

Hopefully, if you are struggling during this season, these tips and resources can support you.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts

12/11/2025

Have you ever stopped and wondered why we communicate? Like, why bother? Especially when there is so much heartache, hurt, and pain caused by miscommunication, misinterpretation, and misunderstandings.

Is communication really worth the effort and the risk?

Yes! It is.

Communication is a process of relaying information. But, to humans, it is more than that.

Humans are social creatures. There are negative psychological effects when we are isolated and not able to communicate with others for prolonged periods of time. Social isolation is even used as a form of psychological torture and extreme coercion.

There are several memoirs and cases of individuals who were unable to communicate and, after gaining a method of communication, report that they gained a voice, an identity, a personhood because communication was now possible. Helen Keller is one of them.

We desire to be witnessed, seen, listened to, heard, and understood. When we have this, we feel safe - we have a sense of belonging and connection.

To have this, it doesn’t only require us to speak; it requires that there is someone to speak to. Someone who listens. Someone who receives the information.

And not just ‘anyone’ with ears to hear.

To really get our desires met, we need someone who actually listens. Someone who not only receives what we are saying but also accepts what we are saying. They don’t have to agree with it, but they acknowledge it as our truth from our perspective. This is called validation.

You can help others feel a sense of connection and belonging by really listening to them (and often you then feel a sense of connection and belonging as a result of listening).

There are several mistakes we tend to make instead of really listening that drive disconnection and can lead to broken relationships.

Do you tend to do any of these 4 mistakes?

1- Redirecting the spotlight.

The speaker has just shared a difficult story with you and you immediately begin telling your own story of something similar. You’re attempting to relate to them and let them know they are not alone. But it shifts the spotlight to you. You are now the speaker, not the listener. And the listener doesn’t feel heard.

2- Cheerleading.

The speaker has just shared how hard things are right now. You try to cheer them up and encourage them. “You’re strong. You’ve got this.” Or, “I know you can do this.” It is coming from a good place but is often felt by the speaker as invalidation - that you don’t actually get the depths of how they are feeling. To the speaker, they get the subtle message that it’s wrong to feel how they are feeling - they are supposed to be cheery.

3- Solving and fixing.

The speaker explains a problem happening in their life and you focus on solving and fixing their problem. “What do you think you should do?” Or, “what can I do to help?”. Or “what have you tried so far.” You are trying to help but your focus is not on the speaker, it is on the problem. Jumping to solutions first may feel more comfortable to you but it emotionally hurts the speaker.

4- Taking it personally.

The speaker shares what’s going well in their life, and what is working for them. And you feel that they are criticizing your life. It feels like they are telling you what you should change to be better, right, or more like them. And you close down, and/or get defensive and no longer listen to the speaker.

I called these “mistakes” but they are actually behaviours that are most likely the result of having unresolved issues of your own that you may not be aware of and the speaker triggers these issues. In other words, the speaker unknowingly pokes the “sore spots” that you didn’t even know you had.

And the way you deal with the pain of the sore spot being poked is by engaging in one of these behaviours. AND YOU DON’T KNOW THAT YOU’RE DOING IT! That’s why it is called ‘unconscious’ behaviours - you are ‘unaware’.

For example, maybe it feels like no one really understands what you’re going through or have been through and how challenging it was for you, so when the speaker shares a difficult story with you, it seems like an opportunity for you to be heard and understood so you redirect the spotlight and share your story.

Maybe you feel guilty that you are actually doing okay in life while they are struggling, so you try to cheer them up so you don’t have to feel guilty.

Maybe what they say brings up old feelings of helplessness, so you jump to solving and fixing their problem so you feel a sense of power and control by taking action, thereby circumventing the feeling of helplessness.

Maybe what they say brings up feelings of inadequacy in you, so you interpret what they say as criticism.

So, how can you resolve your unresolved issues so that you can actually listen?

Step 1 - Recognize that you are engaging in the behaviour.
Step 2 - Process the emotional “juice” or “charge” that is holding the issue in place.

That’s where I can help. Understanding the problem is not enough. These patterns are stored in the emotional part of the brain and in the nervous system. You need a method that changes the patterns in the nervous system, not just in the mind.

Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques/EFT) is just that method. Once you have released the old emotional patterns with EFT, listening becomes an honour and a privilege. miscommunication is no longer an issue, connections with others grow stronger, and you feel more centred and at peace.

Ready to start releasing old emotional patterns? Book your free 30-minute discovery call, here, to get started now. (Virtual or in-person.) https://thestressexperts.setmore.com

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
thestressexperts.com/

11/30/2025

It’s getting close to the holidays again. Holidays means family gatherings. Family gatherings sometimes means dread and added stress.

I recently read an email from The Daily Wellness that had a pretty good piece about this very thing. It was called “When You Dread Family Gatherings Because You Don't Have Your Life ‘Together’"

I have it here for you. If you find yourself dreading your family gatherings, I hope you get some helpful pointers from this…

What's happening: A major family gathering is coming up, and you're already rehearsing answers to the inevitable questions. Your aunt will ask about your job, your cousin will talk about their promotion, your parents will wonder when you're settling down. You're still figuring things out, and facing a room full of relatives who expect updates feels like too much to handle on top of everything else.

You consider skipping the gathering entirely because you don't want to explain why you're still single, still in the same apartment, or still "finding yourself" at 32. You imagine their concerned faces, their well-meaning advice, their subtle disappointment. You start crafting vague responses that sound more successful than you feel.

Why your brain does this: Family gatherings compress your entire life into soundbite-ready updates, which reduces your complex, messy, ongoing experience into neat categories: career status, relationship status, life milestone checklist. Your brain knows you can't explain the full nuance of your journey in a 90-second conversation over mashed potatoes.

There's also generational and cultural context at play. Your family often measures success by different markers than you do, or they achieved certain milestones at different ages than what's realistic now. Their questions come from caring, but your brain hears them as judgment because you're already judging yourself.

Today's Spiral Breaker: The "Truthful Redirect" Strategy

When you catch yourself spiralling about family judgment:

Prepare honest, boundaried responses: "I'm figuring out what's next" or "Still exploring options" without over-explaining

Redirect with curiosity: Answer briefly, then ask them a question back, most people love talking about themselves

Remember your timeline: "My life doesn't need to make sense to anyone but me right now"

Reality-check the stakes: "These are awkward conversations, not life-altering judgments"

Perspective Reset: Your family's questions are usually more about making conversation than conducting a life audit. You don't owe anyone a highlight reel of achievements. "I'm working on it" is a complete answer.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
https://thestressexperts.com/

11/14/2025

Sometimes you are unaware of it, but looking for approval or trying to live up to someone’s expectations is something we regularly do. The approval feels good and makes us feel that we belong and are acceptable.

But what happens when we don’t meet someone’s expectations? What if we feel we fall short or are inadequate? We call it a “weakness” and “weakness” is deemed as “bad”. We feel unacceptable. We feel we don’t belong and feel separate. This is emotionally and psychologically painful.

So we cover the weakness with a coping mechanism and we will feel acceptable again. This is usually done unconsciously.

For example, Lilly is funny and sarcastic and makes jokes whenever she can. Everyone loves Lilly. But, 12 years ago, Lilly lost her daughter in a car accident. She never fully grieved her loss and on some level, she feels that everyone thinks that 12 years should have been long enough to grieve; it is time to be over it. She covers her “uncomfortable and socially undesirable” pain with the socially approved humour and that way she feels accepted and no one can see the “weakness”.

Humour is not always a coping mechanism; sometimes it is a personality trait, but it can be used as a cover or a coping mechanism.

Anger and rage is coping mechanism. If the person feels that anger is more acceptable than his or her “weakness”, it could be used as a cover.

For example, Tony is 42 and doesn’t speak to his family of origin and it truly, deep down kills him inside. He hates when people talk about his situation with him because it gets him crying and he believes that men shouldn’t have emotions, so he uses anger as a means to keep people away. A means to hide his weakness.

We each have a repertoire of coping mechanisms that we use as masks. These masks take a lot of our energy to maintain, so eventually you feel exhausted. And the masks hide the real you inside, keeping you seemingly safe and yet keeping you unseen, unknown, separate.

Then, you begin to feel isolated because it feels like people don’t know the “real” you. They only know the mask you display.

So the strategy that once served you, now works against you. What helped you feel less separate then, is the reason for the feelings of separation now.

What is the way out?

Addressing and releasing the unconscious programs that keep you stuck. Programs such as “weakness is bad”, “you should be over the death of your daughter”, “men shouldn’t have emotions”, “I need their approval”, “if they knew the real me, they wouldn’t like me or they would leave me”.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT/Tapping) is a research-proven, gentle way to reprogram your mind and get you unstuck so you can remove the mask and still feel safe and acceptable - no forcing, no shaming, no "should-ing."

EFT helps you stop “coping” with your challenges and allows you to release them instead.

Ask yourself: What coping mechanisms do I have in place? What “weakness” am I trying to hide?

Is it time to let down the mask, stop feeling exhausted, and authentically connect with others? Try EFT, now with a FREE discovery call, virtual or in-person. What are you waiting for?
https://thestressexperts.setmore.com

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
thestressexperts.com

10/30/2025

I recently watched a movie called “Love Happens” (2009) in which a widower, Dr. Burke Ryan, becomes a best-selling author because of his self-help book on coping with loss. He is leading a weeklong conference helping others cope with their losses.

But…Spoiler Alert!!… he hadn’t actually worked through his own grief and loss.

Even though he gave some valid points in his book and at his conference - change your perspective, don’t drink alcohol - he was only addressing the mental and behavioural levels of his audience (and himself) and not the emotional level - the level at which “grief” and “loss” live.

Not addressing the emotional level is why he was still stuck in his own grief and loss…and was drinking alcohol in private.

Emotional pain is often harder to tolerate than physical pain. When you suffer a great loss - death of a loved one, death of a dear pet, job loss, a good friend moving away - the emotional pain might feel like it will kill you.

And because this pain is so intense, we tune it out, cut ourselves off from it as a form of protection, protecting ourselves from that which feels like it might kill us.

And it works!… in the short term.

In the longterm, if you keep ignoring the pain that’s at the emotional level (pushing it down/pretending it doesn’t exist/covering it up/cutting yourself off from it), that pain festers, impacting your mental and behavioural levels more and more.

You can try to modify your mental level (ie. change your perspective and find the silver lining) and your behavioural level (ie. stop drinking/smoking/overeating) but chances are you won’t be very successful because those levels are driven by your emotional level. Emotions are the directors of the mind and behaviours, sort to speak.

You have a hard time shifting to a positive outlook because of your deeper emotional pain. You have failed attempts at stopping your unwanted behaviour because of your deeper emotional pain. When you acknowledge and process your emotional pain, the positive outlook arises more easily and naturally and your unwanted behaviour falls away.

Now, in the movie, I think it might be possible that Dr. Burke had processed and worked through some of his grief and loss, but we learn that he had another painful emotion that he had not addressed that was keeping him stuck in the past and suffering. This emotion quite often comes along with grief and loss - guilt. He was harbouring guilt regarding his role in the death of his wife - he was driving the car when they got into the accident.

The guilt was too painful and heavy for him to truly face, acknowledge, feel, and forgive himself so, as is our human nature, he avoided the feelings and focused his efforts on changing perspective and modifying behaviours, assuming that that would bring healing and peace.

And until the feeling of guilt is addressed and processed, it keeps the pain of the loss alive.

For some people it feels true that that pain, that suffering, is a way of feeling connected to their deceased loved one.

Can you relate?

Do you struggle with grief and loss?

Are there any feelings of guilt or shame?

Is it possible that there could be a way to feel connected to your loved one AND free yourself from the guilt, pain, and suffering?

Deep healing and real freedom happens when you move beyond mindset and behaviour and compassionately address the emotional roots. That’s what Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/Tapping does for you - a process to gently release emotional baggage so you can feel and live better.

Get started today with a complimentary 30-minute discovery call with me! https://thestressexperts.setmore.com

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
thestressexperts.com

10/16/2025

Every once in a while I tend to notice common themes in some of my clients.

Recently, I have been hearing my clients say something along these lines: “My life is good. I have a good job. I have a house. I have food. I’ve got people who love me and whom I love. I’ve got kids/grandkids. …but why am I feeling this way? Why am I not happy? Look how blessed I am! There must be something wrong with me. It is unreasonable.”

Maybe you can relate.

Do you wonder why you feel the negative way you do when you are actually living a “blessed” life? Do you compare your life to others around you and think, “They have it harder than me - I should be feeling better than I do”? Do you ever think, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”?

I think that, unconsciously, we get this idea of how we should feel as a result of how life is going. But the way life is going and how you are feeling are actually 2 separate things.

When things get challenging we assume and expect that negative feelings are guaranteed to follow. When things are going well, we assume and expect that positive feelings are guaranteed to follow.

But we are more complex than that!

Here are my thoughts on this:

1- When we find ourselves not in alignment with how we believe we should be feeling, we tend to beat ourselves up or shame ourselves for feeling a certain way, showing no compassion to ourselves. As if telling yourself to feel differently - or even demanding it!- actually works!

I don’t have children, but I have never once heard a parent say, “When my little Johnny is freaking out on the floor in a tantrum, I just tell him to stop feeling angry and be happy and he says, ‘Ok, Mommy’, stands up and smiles.”
Yeah, it doesn’t work like that!

What does Johnny actually need emotionally in that moment when he is angry on the floor? Does he need you to yell at him? Does he need you to demand that he feel happy? Does he need you to pull your love and connection away and abandon him in his intense feelings? Or does he need support, validation, understanding and acceptance?

Imagine you have a little Johnny in you. He is feeling angry, sad, worried, low, or any other negative emotion. It is your responsibility to care for this little Johnny. Do you demand that he feel happy? Do you shame him? Do you try to exile him/shove him and his feelings down and ignore him? Or do you get curious and give validation and acceptance?

2- There is nothing wrong with you for feeling negative when life seems positive. It usually happens when there is a part of you (that you are not wanting to look at) trying to get your attention.

Your negative emotions are messengers, get curious about the message. Here are some questions to get the curiosity flowing: “If I assume there is a reason for me to feel this way, what might the reason be? What could I possibly be afraid of in this positive situation? What does this positive situation mean about me? What might other people think of me in this positive situation? Do I feel that I deserve this positive situation?”

3- A positive situation tends to foster positive feelings but it does not guarantee them. A negative situation tends to foster negative feelings but it does not guarantee them.

Let me repeat myself from earlier, the situation and your emotions about the situation are 2 separate things. If you want to feel positive (I’m not talking about a positive mindset - but truly experiencing positive emotions such as a sense of confidence or calm) in all situations, you need emotional regulation skills, including self-awareness and radical self-acceptance and self-compassion. These are skills you can learn!

And I can help. Book your free, virtual or in-person, 30-minute discovery call and get started today, here. https://thestressexperts.setmore.com

PS. I’m excited to share with you that I was featured in the Winnipeg Sun News earlier this week. You can find it in the news section called "The Stress Experts Helping Manitobans Find Freedom From Stress"

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts

10/02/2025

I texted a friend, “What are you up to?”

He replied, “Trying to take over the world, Pinky. lol.”… referencing the 1998 animation of Pinky and The Brain.

This got us talking about our favourite childhood cartoons. He commented that he showed an episode of this cartoon to his young daughter and she thought it was “boring”.

It is in my opinion, that with the rise in fast-paced action that we expose young minds to, we are training our children’s nervous systems to operate at a high-level of stimulation. This high-level stimulation is stress - not healthy and not desirable.

Look at the higher-action animation series of Paw Patrol. “Go! Go! Go!” is common language in the show. Not sure many parents actually want to cultivate this kind of energy in their children if they want a calm, peaceful, and stress-free household.

As adults, we know that the “go go go” energy, while occasionally helpful in the short term, is actually stressful. We say we need to “get away” to “shut off”. But what we really need is to reprogram our nervous system from “go go go” to calm.

When you set your kids in front of a screen, cartoons or otherwise, know that their nervous systems are being programmed by what they watch. When you as an adult sit in front of a screen, your nervous system is being programmed by what you watch - the news programs your nervous system with anxiety and fear.

But it isn’t just about screens.

In every moment, you are programming your nervous system. In every moment, you are experiencing an emotion, whether or not you are aware of it. If you spend a lot of moments being anxious, the nervous system gets familiar with that and wants more of it. If you spend a lot of moments being calm, the nervous system gets familiar with that and wants more of it.

You might experience the truth of this when you are feeling anxious and you find it really challenging to sit quietly and not fidget. Or you try to do something slow and meditative like yoga or seated meditation and it is aggravating, internally uncomfortable, or you get easily bored because you are used to “go go go”.

Another way of looking at this concept of programming your nervous system: whatever you practice, you get better at. If you have calm moments, you get better at being calm. If you have anxious moments, you get better at being anxious.

A common suggestion for practicing calm is to walk or sit in nature. Nature has a slower, calmer energy than what we are typically used to. Nature has more “flow” and less “go go go”.

Don’t let that calmness fool you into thinking it isn’t powerful energy.

Today, I encourage you practice calm by reconnecting to nature - to that calm yet powerful energy. The energy that quietly grows tall trees and propels dandelions to push through cracks in concrete.

Sit on the grass, walk in the trees or through a park, or even vividly imagine being in nature. Breathe. Breathe slower. Breathe Deeper.

Practicing calm might feel uncomfortable at first. But that’s okay. It’s a part of the reprogramming process. You aren’t used to feeling calm. Breathe through the discomfort. Stick to it and with time and practice, it gets easier…and your body, mind, and spirit will thank you.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts
thestressexperts.com

09/19/2025

Find freedom from the stress of living!

Release stress in the 5 domains of your life. Gain a tool to continue to de-stress on your own! Feel support from the group and gain benefits even if you don't want to share anything!!

7-part in-person EFT/Tapping group series.

Sign up for one session, or get a discount if you attend them all!
Hurry, seats are limited!

Register: call Louise 204 825 4328 or email louise@thestressexperts.com

09/19/2025

This isn’t about blaming parents, it’s about recognizing patterns.

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