Alexander & Houle Funeral Home

02/27/2026

02/27/2026

The Benefits of Getting Fresh Air & Sunshine When Grieving
by Lanna Britt

It can be difficult to manage the overwhelming emotions that result from grief. Finding healthy ways to heal is important. This blog will discuss natural ways to help process grief and highlight the benefits of getting fresh air and sunshine. We’ll look at the power of sunshine and being outdoors as well as offer self-care grief gifts including gifts that are designed for outdoor spaces like gardens and patios.

Grief At-a-Glance
Every person’s grief journey looks different. Even among those who have suffered similar types of losses, the grief spectrum is wide and unique to each individual. Depending on the relationship with the deceased, and individual emotional makeup, everyone’s experience of grief varies, so it is important to avoid a “one size fits all” approach. When we lose a loved one, it can feel like every area of our life has shifted. Sleep goes out the window. Appetite declines. What once brought us joy doesn’t register a smile now. Even getting out of bed can feel like an insurmountable feat. If you aren’t familiar with the Kubler-Ross model, she describes grief as happening in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. The stages can happen out of order and some people move through them at various paces. Through my experience unexpectedly losing a child and then a parent, I find the Kubler-Ross model to be very accurate. It’s important to prioritize health, both mentally and physically, as you walk through the various stages and look for ways to cope with loss.

Healthy Steps Toward Healing
The path to healing looks different for each person. C.S. Lewis once wrote in A Grief Observed, “Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.” How true that is! Grief is a journey, not a destination through which we travel. Some healthy ways to cope with loss as you process grief can include:

Eat healthy foods, prioritize sleep and exercise
Identify and accept your feelings
Acknowledge the reality of the death
Give yourself lots of grace and patience
Don’t rush the process
Talk about your grief with friends or family
Communicate your needs and areas you could use some help
Journal through your thoughts and emotions
Let yourself cry
Create a daily routine to give yourself a sense of stability
Consider professional support and/or join a support group
Honor your loved one in various ways
photo of a woman with long black hair wearing a white and black striped shirt covering her face with both of her hands
Light in the Darkness - The Power of Sunshine
I recently saw a funny video online that shows a man walking through a crowded street on a cloudy day with a voiceover that said something to the effect of, “Today is the worst. I hate my life. My job is terrible. This city is awful. Ugh, today is just…” and then the next moment the clouds break and the sun shines on his face. His internal monologue immediately shifts to, “Ahhhh, what a beautiful day! Today is going to be amazing! I love it here!” It’s funny because we can all relate. Unless you are Edward Cullen, the pale vampire in love with Bella, (I see you, fellow Twilight fans) you probably appreciate the sun just as much as the guy in that video does. Sunlight has powerful health benefits, which can make a big difference to someone navigating the challenges of grief. Here are 8 ways sunlight can benefit your health, according to GoodRx.

Sunlight provides Vitamin D: Sunlight allows your body to make Vitamin D, a key factor in bone health, regulating blood pressure, boosting your immune system, cardiovascular flow, brain health and regulating blood sugar.
Sunlight strengthens bones: The “sunshine” vitamin helps your body absorb calcium, essential for strong bones.
Sunlight kills bacteria: Open your windows and blinds and let the sunshine in. UV rays can kill bacteria that live in the dust inside your home, improving air quality.
Sunlight may reduce high blood pressure: Hypertension is linked to numerous health problems and one study showed exposure to sunlight lowered systolic blood pressure in people who had kidney failure and were getting dialysis.
Sunlight can improve sleep quality: Sunlight plays a key role in your body’s internal clock. Experts recommend being in bright sunlight in the morning to increase your chances of falling asleep later in the evening when it’s dark.
Sunlight boosts mood: Sunlight boosts your body’s serotonin levels, a neurotransmitter often referred to as the “feel-good” hormone. Serotonin production is higher during the summer months when sunlight exposure is greater. That’s why during the winter months, some people experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
Sunlight can boost your immune system: Studies have found that vitamin D and exposure to UV light both have a protective effect against some bacteria and viruses.
Sunlight is associated with weight loss: Studies have shown exposure to sunlight is associated with having a lower body mass index. That may be because people who have a lower BMI in general spend more time outdoors.

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02/27/2026

Embracing the Sadness of Grief

“In every heart there is an inner room, where we can hold our greatest treasures and our deepest pain.” – Marianne Williamson Sadness is a hallmark symptom of grief, which in turn is the consequence of losing something we care about. You could say, sadness and love are inextricably linked. By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Life suddenly seems meaningless. Nothing makes sense. Everything you believed and held dear has been turned upside down. The structure of your world collapses. Yes, when you are grieving, it is normal to feel sad. I would even argue it is necessary. But why? Why does sadness have to exist at all? Couldn’t we just move from loss to shock to acceptance without all that pain in the middle? The answer is that sadness plays an essential role. It forces us to regroup. When we are sad, we instinctively turn inward. We withdraw. We slow down. It’s as if our soul presses the pause button and says, “Whoa. Time out. I need to acknowledge what’s happened and really consider what I want to do next.” This very ability to consider our own existence is what def ines us as human beings. Unlike other animals, we are selfaware. And to be self-aware is to feel sadness but also joy and timeless love. The dark night of the soul can be a long and black night indeed. It is uncomfortable and scary. The pain of that place can seem intolerable, and yet the only way to emerge into the light of a new morning is to experience the night. As a wise person once observed, “Darkness is the chair upon which light sits.” THE NECESSITY OF STILLNESS Many of the messages people in grief are given contradict the need for stillness: “Carry on.” “Keep busy.” “I have someone for you to meet.” Yet, the paradox for many grievers is that as they try to frantically move forward, they often lose their way. I sometimes call the necessary sadness of grief “sitting in your wound.” When you sit in the wound of your grief, you surrender to it. You agree to the instinct to slow down and turn inward. You allow yourself to appropriately wallow in the pain. You shut the world out for a time so that, eventually, you have created space to let it back in. THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL While grief affects all aspects of your life – your physical, cognitive, emotional, social and spiritual selves – it is fundamentally a spiritual journey. In grief, your understanding of who you are, why you are here and whether or not life is worth living is challenged. A significant loss plunges you into what C.S. Lewis, Eckhart Tolle and various Christian mystics have called “the dark night of the soul.” Times of stillness are not anchored in a psychological need but in a spiritual necessity. A lack of stillness hastens confusion and disorientation and results in a waning of the spirit. If you do not rest in stillness for a time, you cannot and will not find your way out of the wilderness of grief. Stillness allows for the transition from “soul work” to “spirit work.” According to the groundbreaking thinking of psychologist Carl Jung, “soul work” is the downward movement of the psyche. It is the willingness to connect with what is dark, deep and not necessarily pleasant. “Spirit work,” on the other hand, involves the upward, ascending movement of the psyche. It is during spirit work that you find renewed meaning and joy in life. Soul work comes before spirit work. Soul work lays the ground for spirit work. The spirit cannot ascend until the soul f irst descends. The withdrawal, slowing down and stillness of sadness create the conditions necessary for soul work. LIMINAL SPACE Sadness lives in liminal space. “Limina” is the Latin word for threshold, the space betwixt and between. When you are in liminal space, you are not busily going about your daily life. Neither are you living from a place of assuredness about your relationships and beliefs. Instead, you are unsettled. Both your daily routine and your core beliefs have been shaken, forcing you to reconsider who you are, why you’re here and what life means. It’s uncomfortable being in liminal space, but that’s where sadness takes you. Without sadness, you wouldn’t go there. But it is only in liminal space that you can reconstruct your shattered world view and re-emerge as the transformed you, ready to live and love fully again. SADNESS AND EMPATHY Sadness also alerts others to the thoughts and feelings inside you. We all know what sad people look like. Slumped posture. They move slowly. Their eyes and mouth droop. Being able to read others’ sadness is useful because it gives us a chance to reach out with support. In centuries past, we intentionally made our sadness more evident as a signal for others to support us. We wore black for a year, and we donned black armbands. We literally wore our hearts on our sleeves. Sadness elicits empathy – which is a close cousin to love. Empathy and love are the glue of human connection. And human connection is what makes life worth living. Receiving and accepting support from others is an essential need of mourning. If you try to deny or hide your sadness, you are closing a door that leads to healing. YOUR DIVINE SPARK Your spiritual self is who you are deep inside – your innermost essence, stripped of all the external trappings of your life. It is who you were before you took on your earthly form, and who you will continue to be after you leave it. “What?” you naturally protest. “Honour the pain?” As crazy as it may sound, your pain is the key that opens your heart and ushers you on your way to healing. Honouring means recognizing the value of and respecting it. It is not instinctive to see grief and the need to openly mourn as something to honour; yet the capacity to love requires the necessity to mourn. To honour your grief is not self-destructive or harmful, it is self-sustaining and life-giving. Yet, you have probably been taught that pain and sadness are indications something is wrong and that you should find ways to alleviate the pain. In our culture, pain and feelings of loss are experiences most people try to avoid. Why? Because the role of pain and suffering is misunderstood. Normal thoughts and feelings after a loss are often seen as unnecessary and inappropriate. Unfortunately, our culture has an unwritten rule that says while physical illness is usually beyond your control, emotional distress is your fault. In other words, some people think you should be able to “control” or subdue your feelings of sadness. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your sadness is a symptom of your wound. Just as physical wounds require attention, so do emotional wounds. Paradoxically, the only way to lessen your pain is to move toward it, not away from it. Moving toward your sadness is not easy to do. Every time you admit to feeling sad, people around you may say things like, “Get a hold of yourself” or “Think about what you have to be thankful for.” Comments like these hinder, not help, your healing. You will learn over time that the pain of your grief will keep trying to get your attention until you have the courage to gently, and in small doses, open to its presence. The alternative – denying or suppressing your pain – is in fact more painful. I have learned the pain that surrounds the closed heart of grief is the pain of living against yourself, the pain of denying how the loss changes you, the pain of feeling alone and isolated – unable to openly mourn, unable to love and be loved by those around you. When you are grieving, your divine spark struggles like a candle in the wind. You no longer feel the warm glow of your divine spark inside you. Instead, everything feels dark and cold. The way to relight your spark is to turn inward and give your pain the attention it deserves. HONOURING YOUR PAIN From my own experiences with loss and companioning thousands of grieving people over the years, I have learned you cannot go around the pain of your grief. Instead, you must open to the pain. You must acknowledge the inevitability of the pain. You must gently embrace the pain. You must honour the pain. Yes, the sadness, depression and pain of loss are essential experiences in life. Acknowledging this in grief is normal and necessary – even if people around you are telling you that you don’t have to feel depressed. The next step is understanding if your depression may be what is called “clinical depression” and, if so, having the courage and self-compassion to seek help.

Author Dr. Alan Wolfelt

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02/13/2026

Why Bereavement Leave Is Important
Companies should care about grieving workers.

It's hard to be productive when we're grieving.
Companies will benefit when they treat more employees with compassion.
Bereavement leave policies should be reviewed and expanded.
The calendar is punctuated by holidays that are recognized by workplaces across the country—Christmas, July 4, and Thanksgiving, to name a few. Offices are closed, employees are given the day off, and those who do work are paid extra.

At other times, employers acknowledge individual employee needs, providing space and/or support to acknowledge that we have personal lives. Most employers offer maternity leave, sick days, and personal vacation days, for example. We even get sanctioned time off for jury duty.

But what about time for bereavement? Why don’t employers offer adequate leave for employees to grieve? Even though grief is universal and can be utterly destabilizing, more than 60 percent of workplaces in the United States only offer three days of leave after a major loss, and many provide time off only for the loss of an immediate family member.

Here’s why employers should consider expanded bereavement to support their teams:

We aren’t going to be productive in the immediate aftermath of loss. We might feel numb, discombobulated, devastated, depleted, or any other myriad emotions when our person dies. What we aren’t likely to feel is motivated and energized. It’s not only that we might not want to work; it’s that we might not be able to do the job that’s required of us.
We’re more likely to be loyal to employers who care about our well-being. The employer-employee relationship is just that: a relationship. And in any relationship, when we feel valued and cared for, we’re more likely to return the sentiment. Treating employees with compassion isn’t only the right thing to do; it’s also strategically beneficial.
Short-term support can alleviate longer-term absences. It may take extended time to fully integrate a loss, but acknowledging it from the outset can help start the healing process and prevent greater mental health impacts down the road.
We should be able to decide for ourselves when a loss precludes our ability to work. Yes, we should get time off when a family member dies. But what about a best friend? A teacher? A neighbor? And, for that matter, what about pregnancy loss? Isn’t that deserving of time off, too?
Grievers need people to stand beside them in their sorrow. Literally. A Tuesday funeral should be just as full as one that takes place on a Sunday. We know that showing up is the most important thing you can do when someone you care about is grieving. Sanctioned time off for funerals elevates the conversation around grief and legitimizes the importance of support.
Change will only happen when we become more comfortable talking about grief. The good news is there are individuals and organizations who can serve as our guides in navigating this complicated territory.

Sheryl Sandberg’s Option B organization, for example, offers a host of resources for employees to advocate for expanded bereavement leave and for human resources leaders to educate themselves so they can drive meaningful change in their company. As Becca Bernstein, senior manager at Option B, puts it, "grieving is so hard. It's taxing on your mind. It's taxing on your body. People who are not grievers need information to be able to meet grievers where they are, and systems and structures need to be able to meet grievers where they are. There's so much that we can do to validate grief."

We can do better as individuals when we understand how to be present for a grieving friend, and we can do better as employers when we understand how to show up for grieving employees. It’s far easier to support friends or colleagues in times of celebration, but being there for the tough times is what truly makes people and companies stand out.

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02/11/2026

02/06/2026

The hardest day of grief isn’t the funeral.
It isn’t the birthday of the person who’s gone.
It isn’t a date you can circle on a calendar.

The hardest day is an ordinary one —
a day that looks just like any other.

It’s that moment when something good happens to you
and you suddenly realize
there’s no one to run to and say,
“Guess what happened!”

It’s the moment when a wave of pain hits out of nowhere,
and the arms that used to comfort you aren’t there anymore,
and the voice that always knew what to say has gone quiet.

The hardest day is the one that doesn’t look hard at all from the outside —
the kind of day where the absence becomes so loud,
it feels like it fills the entire room.

— Reina Wan

02/01/2026

There’s a part of caregiving that no one really talks about. The part that lives quietly in your heart and soul long after the person you love is gone.

Being a caregiver to someone you love is actually one of the greatest gifts of love there is, and also one of the most devastating.

When you’re caring for someone who’s dying, you live in a constant state of anticipation and dread. You ‘know’ what’s coming, even if you don’t want to admit it.

You try to prepare yourself. You say things like “I know this is coming” as if knowing will somehow make it hurt less.

Here’s the thing…it doesn’t.

I was there. I watched the person I love fade right in front of me. I learned what it meant to measure time not in days, but in breaths. In moments. In how long it had been since they last opened their eyes or squeezed my hand.

I held the person I loved as they took their final breath, and unless you’ve done something like that, you’ll never understand what it feels like and how it changes you.

And no amount of ‘being prepared’ makes that moment anything other than devastating.

After they’re gone, people say things like, “At least you had time to say goodbye.” And yes, I did. But what they don’t understand is that watching someone die is its own kind of trauma. You don’t just lose them once, you lose them slowly, over and over again, long before they die.

And then comes the guilt. Did I do enough? Did I miss something? Should I have said more or less? Did I make the right decisions?

Even when you do everything you possibly can, the questions still show up, and grief has this weird ways of turning love into self-doubt.

What people don’t talk about is how lonely caregiving can be. How you carry so much responsibility, fear, and heartbreak while trying to stay strong for the person you love.

How you grieve them even while they’re still here and then have to grieve all over again when they’re gone.

Loving someone through their final days is one of the hardest things a human being can do.

It leaves marks on your heart that never fully fade…but those marks are proof of love, not failure.

Gary Sturgis – Surviving Grief

02/01/2026

Food for Grieving (That’s Not a Casserole)

For centuries, people have prepared and brought food to grieving people. It is a simple, comforting reminder that the bereaved are not alone. Casseroles are okay, but they are only one of your options. Keep reading for fresh ideas on an age-old act of condolence.

Preparing and bringing food to a grieving family is not only thoughtful, but it is also practical. The first hours, days, and weeks after losing a loved one are a blur of making arrangements, calling relatives, planning memorials, and taking care of necessary paperwork.

Grieving people tend to have trouble sleeping and eating on a regular schedule. The lack of nourishing food contributes to their physical and emotional decline. And simply, the act of coming to their home with food is proof that you care, which is incredibly comforting after losing a loved one.

Why Casseroles Are Popular for Sympathy Meals
There is a reason why friends, family, and neighbors gravitate toward carb-heavy meals like lasagna, mac n’ cheese, pulled pork, and various casseroles for grieving families: they’re comforting. Most people are familiar with these dishes, and it reminds them of happier times. Not only does bringing food show compassion, they actually make grieving people feel better. As humans, carbs make us happier, especially when stressors like grief cause a drop in our natural serotonin levels. A warm, cheesy helping of lasagna boosts your brain’s serotonin uptake, making you feel satisfied and calmer, at least in the short term.

Another bonus: these meals can be frozen and reheated for another night. Sugary foods, like cakes, cookies, and pies, are also comforting and popular as sympathy foods. Eating sweets boost drooping sugar levels, which can happen when people fail to eat regular meals.

Options for Non-Cooks
You can still provide a nourishing meal even if you don’t cook. Many grocery stores offer ready-to-eat meals in a variety of options. You could also bring fresh rolls, cold cuts, cheeses, and potato salad. Drop off a fruit and vegetable platter along with an extra-large sub. Never underestimate the appeal of a warm pizza. And for ultimate flexibility, give a DoorDash, Uber Eats, or other food delivery gift card.

Tips for Providing Food to Those Who Are Grieving
Follow these tips for successful sympathy food deliveries.

Respect peoples’ dietary and allergy restrictions.
Consider any food allergies, preferences, and dietary restrictions the family may have. If you need clarification, ask. You can also share the ingredients for families to review.

Make sure someone is home to accept delivery.
Reach out to a family member to schedule a meal delivery time. The type of meal you’re bringing affects when you should deliver it, whether it’s food that should be served hot or requires refrigeration.

Extend an invitation to eat at your home.
Depending on your relationship with the family and their comfort level, invite them to your home for dinner. Don’t pressure them, but grieving families might appreciate a change in scenery.

Tell them you’re preparing or bringing food.
It can be challenging for some people to accept help from others. Tell them that food is on the way instead of asking if you can bring it. As the saying goes, sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.

Use disposable containers.
You can find disposable or recyclable food-safe containers everywhere (an aluminum roasting pan is handy for just about any type of food). However, food delivered in a baking dish invites the recipient to return it when they are ready to visit, a sign of support that you will continue to be there for them.

Label the container.
Even if you don’t want or need the container returned to you, always label the outside with your name and what’s inside to avoid any issues with allergies or dietary restrictions. Include a note with heating instructions (if necessary) and a personal sympathy message.

02/01/2026

The Role of Food in Grief, and How We Can Help
Dinner for one.

Once a loved one dies, the widowed's appetite can be greatly diminished.
A person in grief can find it hard to care for themselves, and may need our help.

How We Can Help the Bereaved
A frequent complaint from the bereaved is that initially they receive lots of calls, visits, and food. After the first couple of weeks, these tend to subside. What can we—family and friends—do to help the bereaved during this difficult time.

Bring over groceries to cook and eat a meal with them.
If you know that there is a certain food they like, buy it for them.
Bring fruit and vegetables over to their house so healthy snacks are available.
Invite them to go shopping with you.
When preparing food, set aside some portions to be frozen for later use. It will be appreciated.
Bring them disposable dishes so they don’t have to worry about washing them.
Be patient with the bereaved and listen to their feelings. You do not need to fix anything, just listen. Sometimes what is needed is just companionship.

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