Sanctuary for the Heart.

01/15/2026

A Steady Gaze

There is a quiet dignity in being here.
The sound of the fire crackling and
the occasional car going by.
A long taper candle softly holds
my steady gaze. A gentle flicker.
I notice remnants of what I call
my creature nature. A constriction in the body.
Of course. I have prepared a place for her.
There is no malice in creature nature. Just survival
and a cry for help. For redemption.
A loss of dignity.
I put my hand on my heart and once again
whisper sweet words of reassurance. I am restoring my
own physiology back to safety and the simple grace of being here.
This ordinary moment infused with patience and quiet compassion.
My little dog Maisie is curled up in her crate. She rarely uses her crate
but it was cold this morning and her instinct took her into her little cave
where it’s warm and cozy.
A safe cozy little cave lined and covered with soft blankets.
A soft smile makes it way to my face. She is my teacher.

01/15/2026

For Love

It’s the most tender parts
that stay hidden in the shadows
of the psyche. Patiently waiting until it’s
safe enough; soft enough and slow enough
to reveal their nature as our very own nature.

All that bluster and noise is not who
we really are. Our most authentic self is much too
gentle and innocent to take on the task of becoming
someone other than it's own self. So it stays
curled up in a tight little ball in the centre of our own being
as we slowly and painstakingly find our way back.

Those of us who find our way back will return worn and weary;
bedraggled and yet quieted in a way that is beyond words.
We begin to recognize each other through our lack of guile
and lack of assurance about anything beyond this moment.

Our hands are empty.

This experience right now. All I know is this. And sometimes it hurts more than I could ever have imagined. When I speak it’s more like a question than a statement. Did you ever imagine?

We travelled all the way here from there and never once did we leave this very place where we sit right now.
This is a mystery that can only be discovered through our own experience.
We will grab onto each other’s hands for support as we find our way back but at some point even those hands will fall away as the very ground we stand on and the air we breathe becomes our source of trusted support. This is not for the faint of heart but for those who are ready to lose everything for love.

© candace kirby

01/14/2026

A quote from one of my teachers, "Thoughts reflect our states; they don't create our states." ~ Steven Hoskinson

Because our thoughts arise directly from the biology doesn't it make sense to address what is happening in the biology rather than trying to change our thoughts.

If this speaks to, you are warmly invited to join me and a small group of friends for Sanctuary for the Heart Sunday online gathering on Jan. 18th from 10 - 11:30 am PST.

The topic is: Being Myself: A Present Moment Practice

“Trauma takes us out of being in the here and now. Trauma is nervous system dys-regulation.” ~ Steven Hoskinson

Recording will be available and sent to all who register.

I offer a sliding scale rate for donations.
Please email candacekirby@shaw for details and registration.

01/14/2026

⚠️ At 6, she didn’t have language like trauma.
She had stomachaches.
She had listening ears that never slept.
She had eyes that learned to read danger
in the way a cup was placed on the table.

In our home, love was conditional.
Affection had terms and conditions.
Peace was something you rented,
month to month, and some days you couldn’t afford it.

So she became a little detective.
A little therapist.
A little parent.
She learned to fix problems
she didn’t create.

She learned to laugh at insults
so they’d hurt less.
She learned to anticipate needs
so no one would explode.
She learned to swallow her “no”
until it tasted like shame.

And when people ask why grown-me
overthinks everything,
why I flinch at tone,
why I panic when someone pulls away,
why I love like I’m auditioning…

I want to bring them to her.

To the child who learned
that safety was never a place,it was a performance.

To the child who learned
that being loved meant being convenient.

To the child who learned
that you can live in a house
and still feel homeless inside it.

I looked at her
and I finally understood:
she wasn’t “too sensitive.”
She was overstimulated by survival.
She wasn’t “dramatic.”
She was carrying a family
that refused to carry her.

I knelt down.
Not to correct her.
Not to toughen her up.
Not to teach her how to cope better.

But to tell her the truth
she deserved to hear the first time:

You are not hard to love.
You were hard to hold
in hands that were already full
of their own unhealed pain.

You are not broken.
You adapted.

You are not needy.
You were neglected.

You are not “too much.”
You were too alone.

And if you’re reading this
with a tight chest,
with that familiar lump in your throat,
with a part of you whispering,
that was me too…

Come closer.

Because maybe your healing
won’t start with forgiving them.
Maybe it starts with this:

going back to the version of you
who waited at the window,
who tiptoed through anger,
who learned to earn love—

and finally saying,

“I see you.
I believe you.
You don’t have to survive me.
You don’t have to prove anything to be safe.
I’m here now.
And I’m not leaving you in that house again.”

If you just saw yourself in this… I Didn’t Choose to Be Born was written for you. Link here: https://linktr.ee/traumatorecovery

01/12/2026

Dissociation

When the physiology of a child gets overwhelmed by adverse experiences the system dissociates from the body. This is a rupture in the continuity of experiencing. A psychic withdrawal from the present moment. The mind finds safety somewhere else and begins to create a whole reality that has nothing to do with the simple felt sense reality of being here.

If this speaks to, you are warmly invited to join me and a small group of friends for Sanctuary for the Heart Sunday online gathering on Jan. 18th from 10 - 11:30 am PST.

The topic is: Being Myself: A Present Moment Practice

“The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.”
~ Gabor Maté

Recording will be available and sent to all who register.

I offer a sliding scale rate for donations.
Please email candacekirby@shaw for details and registration.

01/11/2026

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT_m6qukfKY&list=RDJT_m6qukfKY&start_radio=1

Let It Be — Ashbound Souls (Acoustic Soul | Healing Song)“Let It Be” is a gentle reminder to release what you can’t control — to stop fighting every storm an...

01/11/2026

We can't simply re-arrange the furniture.

Without a deep understanding of what is holding the survival self (ego) together it is impossible to truly understand how much fear and vulnerability is suppressed in the human being. While many spiritual and therapeutic practices reinforce the persona, they often fail to reach the childhood imprints necessary for a profound, lasting shift. We can't simply re-arrange the furniture if we want true change.

I teach a "bottom up" approach where we provide the physiology with the right conditions to restructure the system towards safety; ground; presence; connection; compassion; kindness; self respect; caring; significance and personal value. These are the conditions that weren't met in childhood.

If this speaks to, you are warmly invited to join me and a small group of friends for Sanctuary for the Heart Sunday online gathering on Jan. 18th from 10 - 11:30 am PST.

The topic is: Being Myself: A Present Moment Practice

"We don't need more spiritual (or therapeutic) experiences. We need a fundamental transformation of the person who is having the experience." — Adyashanti

Recording will be available and sent to all who register.

I offer a sliding scale rate for donations.
Please email candacekirby@shaw for details and registration.

01/10/2026

Being Myself: A Present Moment Practice

I believed I could earn safety; love; self worth and personal value by becoming a different version of myself. My operating system from childhood was set on inadequate. The belief in inadequacy and becoming kept my physiology in a chronic state of survival and activated towards urgency while seeking relief at the same time. This pattern maintained separation from my true and sovereign nature. A relentless and exhausting energy vortex that is hardwired for failure. .

If you can relate to this you are warmly invited to join me and a small group of friends for Sanctuary for the Heart Sunday online gathering on Jan. 18th from 10 - 11:30 am PST.

The topic is: Being Myself: A Present Moment Practice

“You’ll never know who you are unless you shed who you pretend to be.” ~ Vironika Tugaleva

Recording will be available and sent to all who register.

I offer a sliding scale rate for donations.
Please email candacekirby@shaw for details and registration.

01/10/2026

https://youtube.com/shorts/S8DymGhKuMM?si=HoXDgGE7aoBKPntU

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

01/09/2026

It's a lot for the body to hold right now. If nothing else let's take soft slow pauses throughout the day. Hand on heart with gentle contact and reassurance to the body. "I've got you".