Erin Butters, Registered Psychologist

04/26/2026

04/22/2026

04/22/2026

Avoidance gives you a tiny hit of relief.

Not because the problem is gone—but because you don’t have to deal with it.

So you “forget.”

You stay busy.

You promise you’ll deal with it tomorrow.

But what you avoid doesn’t disappear. Just the opposite: The problem gets bigger.

The only way to deal with something is to, well, deal with it. Which means: Giving voice to the feelings you’ve been pushing aside.

Every person I wrote about in MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE was avoiding something (myself included!).

And then… we weren’t. And that felt so much better.

A question to try today:

What feeling am I trying not to have?

04/12/2026

When a trigger shows up, most people try to manage the reaction instead of asking what it is pointing to.

They focus on the defensiveness, the shutdown, the anger, or the sudden urge to prove themselves.

But often the deeper question is not just, Why did I react like that? It is, What got touched in me?

Maybe every time you feel criticized, your whole body tightens and you get sharp. Maybe every time you feel unseen, you start working harder to prove yourself. Maybe every time a certain person calls, your body reacts before the conversation even begins.

This is why patterns matter, because they help you see that your triggers are not random. They can show you where something deeper is still carrying pain, and where your system has learned to respond in familiar ways.

In The Path to Healing Trauma, I walk you through how to recognize your triggers, track your patterns, listen to what your body is communicating, and begin separating past from present so you can respond with more clarity and less automatic intensity.

Because healing is not just about changing the reaction on the surface. It’s about understanding what the reaction is carrying.

Comment PATH and I’ll send you the course link directly.

04/04/2026

From A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living

01/29/2026

11/20/2025

Most people think storytelling is powerful because it lets you “express yourself.” But the impact goes far deeper than expression: your brain changes when your story is witnessed.

When someone is present with you—really present—your nervous system receives signals it never had during the original experience: You’re safe. You’re not alone. Someone sees what happened.

That shift matters, because the memory that once lived in isolation finally has a new context. That’s what rewires the brain.

And here’s the other half we rarely talk about: witnessing changes the listener too.

When someone hears your story with openness, their own system softens. They recognize parts of their pain in yours. Your honesty gives them language, permission, and a sense of safety they didn’t even know they were missing.

This is the science of why healing is relational.
We don’t just tell stories—we co-regulate, we make meaning, and we reorganize our internal worlds through connection.

11/14/2025

There’s a difference between acknowledging what hurt you and rehearsing it until it becomes who you are.

At first, reliving the story feels protective. Your mind thinks, If I can just understand it enough, I’ll finally feel safe. But the brain learns safety through experience, not rumination.

Each time you revisit the wound without resolution, your nervous system fires the same survival pathways - tightening the loop between what happened then and what you feel now.

Sometimes we replay the story because we still feel unseen. When justice never came, when no one protected you or believed you, retelling it can become the only way your pain feels real.

In that sense, holding on isn’t weakness - it’s belonging. It’s your system trying to say, This mattered. I mattered.

But over time, that survival loop can start to shape how you see yourself - organizing your life around the very wound that deserved care, not identity. You start anticipating rejection, mistaking vigilance for strength, confusing protection for personality.

The way out isn’t erasing the story - it’s helping your body learn that being seen now is possible. Every moment of calm, connection, or self-compassion teaches your system a new truth:

The danger is over.
You made it through.
You’re safe to be witnessed in the present, not just remembered in the past.

11/07/2025

We all have behaviors we can’t stand but can’t seem to stop: numbing, overworking, controlling, people-pleasing, shutting down, lashing out.

The details differ, but the shame feels the same.
Most of us try to change by getting tougher: I hate this about me. I have to stop.

But here’s the paradox: hate and harsh judgment keep the pattern alive.

🧠 When you attack yourself, your nervous system registers threat.

🧠 Threat turns on the amygdala, narrows attention, and drives you back into the same automatic habits you’re trying to escape.

🧠 Shame floods the system with stress hormones and quiets the part of your brain that allows choice, flexibility, and self-control.

In short: you can’t rewire from a state of self-attack. Real change happens when the body feels safe enough to try something new.

💭Disliking a behavior and wanting to change it can be productive. It means you’re noticing what no longer serves you.

💔Hating the behavior - and by extension, yourself for having it - keeps your system on guard.

Guarded bodies don’t experiment; they defend.
So when you feel that familiar frustration rise, try curiosity instead of contempt.

👉 Ask, “What was this behavior trying to protect me from?”

That’s where real transformation begins. Because you can’t change behaviors you hate, but you can understand the ones that once kept you safe.