07/30/2025
Reality VS How People Are Really Doing
Have you ever read what some people post on social media to be the opposite of what’s really going on in their life? Some people wear their heart on their sleeve and have no problem expressing real emotions or posting about problems. With others…you’d think they live a drama-free and problem-free enchanted life. Usually, that’s not the case.
This phenomenon is not exclusive to social media either. Often when you ask how someone is doing, they’ll say things like: "Great! I’m doing fine! Everything is awesome!" Meanwhile, they might be quietly battling depression, struggling with an alcohol addiction, facing chronic physical ailments, or wrestling with money issues. What they project to the world is a facade—an image that doesn’t always match their reality.
This is not only denial but also a reflection of past and present trauma. Our real-life inner world can feel overwhelming at times, and the weight of these struggles may feel too much to bear. There is a deep sense of embarrassment that accompanies these challenges, a feeling of shame for not being able to “handle it” on their own. Because of this, many people choose to present a very different picture to the world—one that is polished, perfect, and free of problems. But this often comes at a cost: emotional isolation.
The real danger of hiding one’s struggles in this way is that, without asking for help or reaching out, these issues go unnoticed and unchecked. Without intervention, the situation can escalate to a breaking point. The signs of inner turmoil may be subtle at first, but they build up. The feelings that one is “too much to handle” can grow louder and more insistent, until eventually, the truth is revealed—often in the form of an emotional breakdown, a health crisis, or even a major life event that forces the person to face their hidden battles. At that point, it's no longer just a quiet struggle—it becomes an emergency situation, with everything at stake. For friends and/or loved ones, it's all hands on deck.
There are always signs when someone is struggling. Sometimes, it's in the way they speak or the little things they say in passing: “I’m just so tired all the time,” “I don’t know if I can keep up with this,” or “I’ve been feeling off lately.” If we pay close attention, we might notice the shifts in their behavior: avoiding social situations, becoming withdrawn, or suddenly isolating themselves or even being overly angry, aggressive or combative. Their body language might shift as well—avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, or tense posture. Sometimes it’s in the way they talk about their day-to-day life: feeling overwhelmed by tasks, avoiding any mention of personal struggles, or putting on a smile when we can sense there’s more beneath the surface.
The key is to ask the right questions—ones that go beyond the surface level. Instead of simply asking, "How are you?" which often elicits the standard, "I’m fine," try asking, “How are you really doing? Is everything okay?” It might take some time and patience to break down the walls someone has built, but showing genuine concern and empathy can help them open up. Sometimes, they might not even know where to start or how to ask for help, but your willingness to listen can be a powerful catalyst for change.
It's important to understand that these struggles don’t have easy solutions, and there’s no quick fix. Supporting someone through their dark times requires compassion, understanding, and sometimes, professional intervention. But by creating an environment where they feel safe enough to be vulnerable, we can help them face their difficulties without fear of judgment.
The truth is that we are all carrying something. No one’s life is free from problems or challenges. The more we acknowledge and accept this, the better we can support each other. Instead of accepting the perfect versions of people we see online, let’s look for the real, messy, beautiful truth. Everyone deserves help, understanding, and the chance to heal—so let’s be the ones who offer it, before it’s too late.