Kicking anxiety's butt - Coach Fittermom

03/15/2021

I haven’t posted here in a hot minute - this page was started at the end of a long battle when I finally figured out that I had anxiety and had built an impressive tool chest to handle when that bitch ahowed up - but then 2020 hit and you all know about then she showed back up - in different forms 🙄🙄

Last year at this time my posts were about how I could use two weeks off to just chill, thinking back even though I was deemed “essential” and never got those two weeks, it seems so strange to wonder how we are still here. So much for two weeks to flatten the curve.

The anxiety from this year comes in waves - some days are great - because I meditated, worked out, listened to my energy level and found connection with my Quaranteam or outside but others were crap - I wallowed in how much I missed normal, who I wished I could see, how fed up I was of cooking and cleaning. I think we all have had that up and down and some of you didn’t know anxiety before 2020 and I know it is scary as hell so please if that is you - find one of us - the anxiety warriors who climbed before you.

I still miss my people and somedays it is debilitating, I still display my rainbow because “ca va bien aller - it will all be ok” but this past year has not been, I hit my workouts in my basement, chill with my fur babies, read books, do puzzles, declutter but what I want to do is have tea with my gramma, BBqs with my friends and family, coffee dates and road trips with my crew.

So today I decided to come back here and share how I fight that damn critter who this past year has been constantly trying to take the damn wheel. Anxiety (and ADHD) live here, most days they aren’t in charge but somedays they are and that’s ok, none of us have EVER dealt with this before.

So if you need a hand, an ear or just want to not feel so alone when you are fighting for the wheel, stay tuned...because everyone is having those days and it’s about time we stop pretending and hiding behind smiling IG pics ❤️❤️

08/31/2020

Today is a strange day - knowing that my daughter needs to get back out in the world but wanting to keep her home where she is safe; knowing that I am content to not rush home for lunch and a quick not necessarily healthy lunch but missing the fact that I can spend that extra time with my kiddo; knowing that my home will be the same tonight as when I left but almost wishing she was there to mess it up because everything about this return to school is unsure....

I spent a hot minute in my car wiping my eyes trying to get my head around the uncertainty but alas - nothing in life is certain - all we can do is trust the folks out there to do their best to keep our kids safe and know that whatever happens for a brief moment we had a bit of normalcy - albeit masked.

I loved opening up my newsfeed this morning to see tons of smiling faces, as kids get ready to go back and see their friends, the teachers and staff they have missed....so to everyone of you; whether you are a kiddo heading back, a parent watching them leave the safety of your home, a teacher watching your own kids leave at the same time as you do or a staffer who is helping our kiddos get back to living - thank you and I wish you an amazing day....and if anyone needs a cry party - let me know....xox

08/25/2020

Last week I had to step back - one wrong move and my knee gave out again. My PT said stop the workouts and adjusted my exercises.

After a couple of days I felt better, the changes were working but I saw how fragile my knee still was. At Summit Elise spoke of how Barre was amazing for recovering from injuries and I went against my original opinion that this program was not for me. I am a cardio ju**ie, I like heavy weights not pretty coloured two pound weights, I want to be dripping - proof that the workout was all I needed. Someone out there knew I needed a step out of my comfort zone - thanks universe.

Small little cute weights and body weight exercises with fancy arm movements and pointed toes and yet at the end of thirty minutes I am drenched and my arms and legs are beat. Sometimes you just need to try that something new - knowing that your thing - the crazy cardio with your trainer Shaun T aren’t going anywhere BUT when you go back with better core strength and strong legs you will be much better at Insanity and your knee will make it through

08/07/2020

I started this page a hot minute ago - in 2012 I took back my health, kicked it with some Shaun T & Chalene workouts and took my health back - mental and physical. I suffered a burnout that turned out to be the single most helpful thing I have ever lived through. I am a knowledge seeker, I love to find solutions and so when I landed on burnout that is what I did...I looked for solutions, found things Tam enjoyed and made time for them. I have always been pretty good at getting back to what works but this 2020 bu****it has put that old habit to the test.

In March when everyone was told to stay home, I was « essential services » so off to work I went. I was a nervous wreck for the first few weeks, worried about my health and our driver’s health as they continued to drive into New York City at it’s worst. Add to that helping my teen homeschool herself - with ADHD and internet and grocery shopping for two couples who were too at risk to do it themselves. Exhaustion because at the same time my noisy head had me cleaning the house before I left every morning to keep my kiddo safe...anxiety is no fun.

As time progressed, my workouts and motivation were sliding - I missed my fitness class, I missed my family, my cups of tea at my gramma’s but we carried on.

I started to pull out a couple of weeks ago - with the help of a physio I brought my knee back to healthy and with the addition of workouts, I was feeling pretty good and feeling like the climb was going well.

Last night after discussing the terrible situation in Lebanon and the return to school, I woke up with an all too familiar lump in my throat, the beginnings of a panic attack and I got up and took some time to breathe and back out. My daughter joined me she had a nightmare too - Everyone out there right now is nervous, scared as hell or unsure. Be kind to yourselves, be kind to others and know if anxiety is back visiting, you are not alone...❤️

Breathe in breathe out anxiety warriors we are all in this together and I have your back ❤️

08/05/2020

I feel this s**t deep in my soul....2020 needs to get done...even if it means a return of snow....and Christmas shopping....lol

I am tired but I am climbing out of the hole that Covid and 2020 has helped me dig myself into....gradually an inch at a time....

My eyelids are heavy.

I can feel the weight.

You know... the weight of decision after decision.

I’ve heard this referred to as “decision fatigue.”

The weight of my physical and mental well being.

The weight of choice after choice, and list item after item of everything that floats through my brain while I’m awake.

That list in my head is constantly adding things I need to accomplish/complete.

I keep forgetting to mail the cards to my friends and their mother/mother-in-law over the passing of their father/father-in-law and husband.

I keep meaning to reorganize the playroom so that it’s safer and more efficient for my kids.

I keep putting off ordering new baby gates because I can’t seem to choose the right ones.

Finding my balance between my hobbies/writing/work and spending time with my children.

Figuring out what to cook for dinner every night.

Finding time to do the dishes, the laundry, and other chores throughout the house if my husband wasn’t able to get to them.

Which person in my household needs doctor appointments made and when can we go?

Did I text my friend back? I did, but did I check in with my other friend who posted something pretty serious on Facebook the other day?

The refrigerator houses the many fresh vegetables that will be going bad soon if I don’t cut them or cook them. When will I have time to spare to do this?

Am I teaching my children enough over the Summer?
Are they having enough fun?
Are they learning?
Are they being kind?
Did I feed them enough fruits and vegetables this week?

What does this school year bring? I’m still waiting on word from our district.

Will I be setting up a homeschool area? If so, when will I be able to do this with two children who constantly want their mama?

Will virtual schooling return? If so, how will that work for my family?

Will in person school return? What will that look like with masks, distance, and death waivers?

My eyelids are heavy.

I can feel the weight of every choice, decision, and task that needs to be attended to.

Can you?
—-
Mommy Dignen Diaries

08/02/2020

My workouts and sweaty selfies are for my mental health - they are my anti depressant and keep me from the overwhelm spiral. With Covid 19, my anxiety can get pretty out of control and this summer after steppung out of my camper to a step that wasn’t there, I took out my knee - and my ability to stop the spiral. I sat there for a while, I was grumpy ad miserable and mad that such a stupid (though surely entertaining to see me fall out with six pillows for anyone who saw) move - but I realized that I can sit in misery and count down to the end of this year or move forward - I chose physio to strengthen the knee. I am so grateful, my legs and their strength are hands down my best feature...and working to get that knee back so I can go all in on my workouts in two weeks has given me back my
Mojo.

It’s ok to sit with the hard for a while, just make sure when you get back up you are ready to fight

07/27/2020

We have all had those moments, where life feels out of control, like we cannot possibly handle another thing - since March and the start of the pandemic I have felt misaligned - my energy going in a million directions and my anxiety up in the roof.

This past week I spent some time reflecting, handing off some responsibility to a higher power, I concentrated on being present, on breathing in and out, on working on the PT exercises to getting myself and my knee back to exercising. It felt great and I am ready for whatever my PT tells me today - hoping that I can resume exercise; looking forward to sitting down tonight and putting forth my plan for the end of this year and showing it who is boss instead of the other way around.

If you have never listened to Gabby Bernstein, you need to check this one out!

We often struggle with knowing how to tune in and get connected to having a life that flows. This is the difference between being aligned and misaligned. In ...

07/24/2020

So Covid 19 has been kicking my ass - a kiddo home since March, working all the way through, unable to see the folks in my circle - I somehow stayed above the water but man was I tired of treading water....exhausting AF.

I got back into my workouts and 2020 delivered a sprained knee and so I sat in a pile of poor me for a hot minute. Then I remembered that I am a woman of solutions, problems require solutions- so after listening to some awesome coaches and mentors, I pulled myself back off the back burner - I found a PT and started strenth exercises to build up my knee to get back ASAP, I decided that I needed to focus on me for a bit, not my family, not my friends or even all those folks on FB who live to find someone to fight with.

My teen is joining me which is a huge win ❤️ I am motivated because I unplugged some personal development and I changed my goals because a number on the scale or a pants size isn’t why I work out - it’s because I have some patrerns to bust through, it’s because I have anxiety and without workouts that bitch is in charge.

Grateful for memers of my BB fam, for a certain soul mate super trainer who told me and a gang of his Dig deeper nation today to toss the scale, for my teen that jumps in, for the coaches that help me and for me for jumping back in - and for figuring out the way to not let stuff like extra responsibilities or Pandemics pull me into that state of anxiety❤️❤️

If you are still here watching give me a sign below - anxiety sucks and we all need folks that understand😘

02/25/2020

It has been a hot minute since I shared over here - life was pretty hairy with a million things - mostly stressful going on and I was truly just trying to keep my anxious head above water....

I am happy to have pulled out the other side - most of the things that were stressors have been dealt with and my life is back to a quiet hum.

I spent some time coming up with a list of 20 things to do in 2020 - I have been diligently working on 20 workouts and 20 meditations in the month of February but the balance of my 20 in 2020 list has been forgotten..I am looking forward to getting back to the other things - like reading 20 books cover to cover (I have been stuck on the same book since January so thinking I need to switch it out), sending out 20 birthday cards and 20 notes via snail mail to brighten someone's day, watching 20 sunsets/sunrises, trying 20 new recipes, having 20 get togethers with friends in my home, testing out 20 things on my Pinterest page....

This idea though of a life life is also interesting to me - stuff like visit a castle in Scotland, eat pasta in Italy and visit the bookstore/cat cafe in Nova Scotia are in thee along with my 10 K run. What would be on your life list?

Be sure to keep it locked on Being Unbusy for amazing reminders:)

So this year I hit 40—your “fabulous 40s,” as some say. And they’re right, but only

01/27/2020

I am an anxiety warrior - my kiddo and hubs too - somedays there is just too much and you feel like you need to just sit and let that cup refill.

I know we are on the cusp of some new and exciting changes - I know I can get myself back on track but for right now I am taking care of others and fitting my me time in between. I am relearning the things that fill my cup - handwritten notes, fiction books, puzzles, photography - getting ready to embark on an exciting journey of new things. For now though, I need to recharge, I need to use my time to recenter myself and help my crew get back to center too..,.

Sometimes you need to accept that your energy is suffering and just start to rebuild - this is that season. Here is to warm tea, good conversations, massages, pedicures, suppers with friends whatever is your recharge. I cannot wait to start that comeback - third time is the charm they say

12/18/2019

I apologize for not being present here - life is currently heavy - not just the regular December stuff but anxiety keeps rearing it's ugly head in my home and I am trying very hard to keep my own from joining the damn party.

We have fought this battle before but when anxiety hits my kiddo cannot even see it is there....but I recognize it's ugly face and I am trying my best to support her through it but some days I feel like maybe I don't have it in me.....but I know that today is the last of two days of this miserable first half of a school year and that if I feel the need I can make today the last one.

Some days I feel like I need a beach trip, a weeks sleep and a maid at the same time and other days I feel like I am back in front - the ebb and flow of this battle is one I remember. I will never give up, it is my responsibility to support my daughter to battle the anxiety I passed on.....a heavy burden to have put on her shoulders to be true.

I know what needs to be done, I just have to have the courage to admit that what was working is not anymore.....looking very forward to a mini break from the drama, to time cuddled up together on the couch and to a chance to help her reboot and get back on track.....we are better together...