Bryan Hagerman

07/06/2023

I am only getting bees feeds, why?

01/14/2020

Very interesting article from a Canadian Christian philosopher.

For a professor of political science and philosophy, Charles Taylor was already unusually widely known by the turn of the millennium.

02/08/2019

The Existential Question

In the deepest Kalahari are a group of people who culturally are hunters and gatherers, and have lived in this desolate and yet beautiful place for hundreds of years. Often called the Hottentots, or the Bushmen, they have lived here long before the Christian Gospel was brought to Africa. Because they are observers of life, of death, their natural surroundings, they have had deep questions. These are the very most basic curious questions about life. It is told that a Senior Elder in a family of Bushmen was once walking through the desert area shortly after a seasonal and prolonged rain. What was one day grey, inhospitable, hot, dead looking, and desolate, was now teaming with flowers, green grass, and there were lung fish swimming in deep pools of water. An enormous seasonal transformation had taken place in a short few days. Everything in the physical environment had been altered. As he walked through the area he had a deep inquisitive curious thought. “Who made this?” The elder Bushmen on his brief walking safari had asked the question of questions, indeed, the question of the ages.

What would our lives be without the daily, the moment to moment, event to event queries? There are the what’s, why’s, how comes of life. It is our curiosity it could be argued, that propels us forward as a human species. But there are in our brightest, even darkest days three key questions, that are seminal to our lives. Although we may not frame them or articulate them the same way, nevertheless they are; “a) who am I? b) why am I here? c) will I engage?” Someone once asked Sir Edmond Hilary the New Zealand adventurist why he had climbed Mt Everest. His answer is classic. “Because it was there.” But I wonder if there was not a deeper more authentic personal answer he might have given such as “to see if I was up to the challenge?”

The three existential questions quoted, mine deep into the area of human belief. Who am I, is dependent upon who I think I am given the life I have been given, with its travail, tumult, trauma, and yet its high points. Why am I here, speaks to my current purpose. Will I engage, addresses the type of determination needed, the resilience to live life in the human environment, given life’s maladaptive disruptions. The answers spawn from belief. Belief is altered by experience. With belief come thought. And thought affects all of human behaviour.

We work out these questions in the arena of existence. Maybe this is what St Paul meant in part, when he said that we are to live out our faith “In fear and in trembling.” So it matters not whether we are Hottentot, Berber, Navajo, Acadian. In our own way and in our own time these questions will appear within us internally by way of language or esoteric thought. And they just do not appear out of nothing. God our Heavenly Father will be the instigator of both the questions and the answers. The Bushman saw something in his environment that pointed him to something far greater than who he was. It was a spiritual and mystical experience. His quest at the end of day was beyond who he was, to who made this beautiful place, and what his part was in it? The writer of Ecclesiastes speaks to this in ch 3, vs 12. “ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Paul speaks to this too in Romans 1:20. “For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”

In the world of psychotherapy people ask these same questions. Often they come as a result of, and in the midst of deep pain, loss, trauma. They are often asked in the hope of regaining a life focus. Who Am I, in the middle of this emotional mess? Why Am I here, in light of the reason I am in pain. Will I engage, points to a way out, having discovered the answer to questions one and two, and then importantly will I take the advice given, by God and a human healer?

Therapy and faith work together to help give guidance in this difficult emotional journey.

www.bryanhagerman.ca

Home Welcome to my site. I am very passionate about the emotional well-being of people who have known difficult times in their lives. I am available to help you. I am interested in helping people who struggle with: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Phobias, Relational issues, Conflict Resolution, Domesti...

01/16/2019

How Dying Defines The Conditions Of Living

The Author of Heb 9:27 states that we will all die, and yet St Paul in I Thess 4:14 says we will live again. Note the simple and yet profound nuance between “we will all die,” and “we will live again.” This seeming contradiction was addressed by Christ at Easter. The first quote addresses physical death. The second is about the bodily resurrection of the church. We believe that if we have entered into a covenant relationship with Jesus we will one day live eternally. But what about living now?

Good news, there is another type of living. Let’s call it emotional wellbeing. Dr Jordan Peterson believes that this is a balance, a tension, between chaos and order. He writes; “To straddle that fundamental duality is to be balanced: to have one foot firmly planted in order and security, and the other in chaos, possibility, growth and adventure.” To live in this balance is to be, to feel, truly alive and emotionally well. Sadly many never discover a life defined and characterized by possibility, growth and adventure.

Winston Churchill talked about living and dying too. “We’re all dying. That’s what defines the conditions of living.” (Source: S1.Ep1: Wolferton Splash.) What did Churchill mean? Well let’s paraphrase it this way; “since we are all dying, lets live for something, meaning, a purpose greater than ourselves, so that at death something worthwhile has been accomplished.” And to pursue this thought let’s borrow a question from Francis Schaeffer; “How Should We Then Live?” Without exploring his answer, some might argue, including this writer, that living, really living, is far more difficult than dying. So if we are indeed all dying physically and know it, what could this living look like?
As Christians we are taught the difficult discipline of dying to self, that baptism is a symbol of death, and yet the beginning of a new life. And because we die daily to the saviour, we rise a more obedient disciple. Dying to self is tough. We all know that. But it is an ongoing theme in faith practice.

When it comes to emotional mental health, dying to sorrow, trauma, abuse, the hurt and pain from the past, with a new and improved outlook on life is bound to bring about a new emergence, new real living. It might involve finding the balance Peterson argues for, under the guidance of a professional who helps the client understand what caused the pain, and how to cope with it. A coping mechanism is created. Hard work begins, and with that a new definition is given to life. The conditions to life that Churchill spoke about, are then altered. When we know how to cope our responses change. Breathing deeply after an emotional trigger, ensures an opportunity to pause, to think carefully, before reacting in kind.

This brings about new conditions to one’s life, creates new possibilities, growth and adventure. Jesus was concerned with mental health issues. That was in part why he asked John to care for his mother. That’s why he encouraged forgiveness. That’s why he offered purpose and meaning to the living. The Gospel is concerned with our emotional wellbeing too , and the wellbeing of others. Let’s begin to take the steps to redefine our conditions to life. How Shall we then live?

In order to engage wellness a Client first engages chaos, which takes risk, vulnerability, courage, and tenacity. Chaos balanced with order creates a calmness, an internal peace, allows for emotional vulnerability and openness, emotional intelligence, and deeper relationships. Chaos in balance with order suspends a great deal of anxiety, depression, anger, fear, distress, helplessness and hopelessness. What emerges is a new definition of life. As previously stated we are given coping strategies, an awareness of emotional triggers, responses based upon personal values, opposed to negative reactions based upon impulse, and new resources that grant us strength.
A deep seated spirituality is critical to personal emotional wellbeing. God our Father cares for our health whether it be found in our mind, body, soul, or spirit. The advantage a Christian has is the inner grit, determination, and perseverance given us by the Holy Spirit. The best strength given amidst the pain of mental illness is the supernatural kind. Mental illness impedes life at every twist and turn. When we learn to cope with our pain, distress, anger, and the like, life is redefined under new and better conditions.

www.bryanhagerman.ca

Home Welcome to my site. I am very passionate about the emotional well-being of people who have known difficult times in their lives. I am available to help you. I am interested in helping people who struggle with: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Phobias, Relational issues, Conflict Resolution, Domesti...

11/23/2018

When The Glass Is Jarred

Put On The Other’s Shoes”

John drove up to the drive- through and ordered his drink. In a hurry for an important meeting, he was eager to get it and go. At the window he was mistakenly given something he had not ordered. In a rush, a bit anxious, he responded, “Oh no problem. This must be for the person behind me. (smiling) I’ll wait for mine. You must be cold in this wintry weather with the window open.” He could however have responded this way, (loudly, and scowling) “How could this be? I clearly ordered another drink. Do you have a hearing problem? Now I will be late for work! Could I speak to your manager?” Fortunately when John’s inner emotional glass was jarred, he chose kindness. Imagine how the barista felt. John had put on the her shoes.

Imagine your inner emotional world as a glass filled with all the raw emotions of life; anger, fear, kindness, joy, love, disgust, surprise, trust to name a few. At the moment your emotional glass is jarred one of those emotions will spill out. It may be reactive and negative, or responsive and positive. Given the stimuli you faced, this will say a lot about you, and what controls your inner world at that moment. It also speaks to how you choose in the moment. No matter how much time we have between stimulus and response, a choice is made. We can choose to put on the others shoes, or not.

How we nuance all human situations, no matter the jarring of our emotions without exception, is key. What spills out after being jarred speaks to who we are. And stepping into the shoes of the other frames our response.

Consider humor. This is a wonderful way of provoking laughter and amusement. It can be found in a simple comic book, a comment, a joke, simple irony, a comedic routine. Humor helps to release healthy emotions which might be pent up, and frozen, relaxing us. However some of humor can be defined within the scope of passive aggressive behaviour, which puts something or someone down, or is insulting. Comedians are the best at this art form. Not all humor from comics is passive aggressive. Passive aggressive comments come in the form of sarcasm, rudeness, insults, shaming words, guilt. Individuals known for this characteristic, are kept at a safe distance. It is for the most part maladaptive behaviour. Some of the worst bullies use this form of humour. They insult the shoes the other wears.

How we relate and communicate to others, and inwardly to ourselves, can come from a source of adaptive or maladaptive functioning. Another way of looking at it could be emotional maturity vs childishness. It can come in how we nuance comments, relationships and life in general. Gossip is a form of maladaptive behaviour. It murders another’s reputation and integrity. Maladaptive behavior can also be very manipulative. It occasionally speaks through covert comments, or double entendre. Foul sarcastic humour also serves a maladaptive purpose. It keeps others at bay. Adaptive people are the ones we like being with. They live within a world bounded by great integrity. These are the people we want to be around, and desire to emulate.

In the Christian experience, relationships are key. This is the Jesus way. For example; Paul said, “In all humility, consider others better than yourselves.”

Empathy is about taking your shoes off and “putting on the others shoes.” When we have an advance sense of how the other will feel, we will want to moderate our comments. This is because we will have worked out what it is like having put on the others shoes. And we want the wearing of their shoes to be an emotionally comfortable fit. So when the glass has been jarred we want the response to be something we would want for ourselves. An important adage is, “talk to the other as you speak to a deeply loved person.”

When Jesus’ emotional glass was jarred God spilled out. Jesus always put on the shoes of the one he was addressing. The Fruit of the Spirit can be our response. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, Self-Control. Under this influence, and like Jesus God can spill out.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:15

11/11/2018

“ Euphoria. Do You Hear It.”

Having entered the drive through I made my order. The coffee was strong and yet satisfying, as was the warmed up oat bar. I had made a simple choice. It took no thinking. In our busy lives we face personal choices on a daily basis. Some are; automatic, intentional, reflexive, unconscious, instinctual, random, habitual, and easy. For example, buying that coffee, extending a smile, giving a handshake, paying bills, daily chores and routines, various disciplines, work responsibilities. Others are more nuanced and perhaps very difficult dependent upon our mood coupled with lack of will. For example; exercise, pushing away from the table, responding kindly to a comment instead of rudely with a reaction, overcoming a habit, exercising coping strategies. Then there is the ex*****on of the acts of the Spirit; love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, Self Control. These last 9 can be hard at times.

Robert Schuller, an American Pastor once coined a phrase, “If it’s gonna be, it’s up to me.” There is great power in personal choice. There are many things that we can do. But it involves the first step. Active will verses passive inertia can create an emotional stalemate. However, when one fully understands the outcome of personal choice it can be a powerful liberating reality. It could be argued that difficult choices are difficult because they are difficult. This is a reminiscent reframe of David Hume’s basic argument against miracles; “miracles don’t happen because miracles don’t happen.” But and again “difficult choices are difficult, because they are difficult. “

They are not impossible or necessarily improbable. They are just tough. But in the ex*****on of a positive difficult choice, an emotional liberation of sorts is the outcome. You did the right, difficult, almost impossible thing, and as a result you feel a freeing sort of exhilaration. It’s euphoric! That right thing may have been worked out in a process but nevertheless you did it! And you pushed against a load of inertia, and human will. A PHD dissertation does not appear in the National Library of Canada, suddenly.
Choices that are very difficult often are preceded by a strategy. This is the nuance. I want to overcome a desperate seemingly impossible addiction, and I don’t think I can do it. Or I want to exercise, initiate specific coping mechanisms to distract myself from an emotional trauma, stop biting my nails, lose weight, overcome something emotionally difficult.

I love the story of the little engine that could. A little engine was given a task. Shunt a loaded train to the top of a mountain. The thought was at first daunting, and seemingly impossible. But once connected to the train, the little engine began his/her task. Soon he/she began to recite aloud a mantra, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” And she/he did. How do you spell euphoria? Can you hear it?

The strategy, one step at a time, or better still one roll of his/her little trucks a revolution at a time, the goal, getting to the top of a mountain. No runner sets out on a goal with the “I can’t do this” attitude. No mountain climber even for a second allows for a doubt that they will reach the ascent. The goal one step at a time. But the goal is divided into short small stages.

Many years ago I climbed Mt Kenya (18,000 ft) with a group of others. The people who did not succeed, did not have the will to do so in the beginning. Instead, written into their narrative was, “I’ll try. I hope so.” You know where that led. And too when climbing a mountain you have to be ferociously willful. “I will do this.” Then at the peak, euphoria. Can you hear it?

All this to say this. A difficult choice begins with a determined strategy fueled by will. A strategy that is broken down into small pieces, is doable. When you just look at the end goal you might walk away. But when your goal is one step at a time, the possibility becomes a plausibility. Once a difficult goal is achieved the next one is better understood for what it is. A marker has been set. “I can do this because I did this before.” A Client comes in to see a therapist with a problem. Imagine the courage, and yet the despair. A strategy is worked out. An outcome reached. Euphoria. Can you hear it?

Spiritual integration into a set goal, a choice, is the best additive that helps confirm the intended outcome. A choice conceived, is received and becomes a reality in its full when God is the driving force. And the choice that aligns with his purposes for us has real traction. But knowing how to spiritually battle emotional inertia is key. Paul seems to have a solution in Ephesians 3:(20-21); “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Let’s break this down. 1) Someone not just anyone stands behind us who has real ability. 2) More than we can imagine. 3) Who’s power is working within us. Emotional inertia suddenly starts to dissolve into real movement, pushing against will. Goals are set. Choice is made. A process is established. So to add to Schuller’s phrase. “If it’s gonna be, its up to me to accept and harness God’s powerm his ability, as a source for a desired outcome.”
Euphoria. Do you hear it?

www.bryanhagerman.ca
The Therapist At Large

Home Welcome to my site. I am very passionate about the emotional well-being of people who have known difficult times in their lives. I am available to help you. I am interested in helping people who struggle with: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Phobias, Relational issues, Conflict Resolution, Domesti...

11/11/2018

09/14/2018

“Defined by Values”

Trying to define something, anything, is not always as easy as it seems. Words become difficult to define or translate correctly. This is true when it comes to translating a Greek or Hebrew word into the context of another language. Biblical Translators face this challenge every day as they attempt to translate the Bible into a new language. When faced with translating a word from the ancient scripture into a new context, they work very slowly, methodically, prayerfully, carefully, with the help of onsite linguists. I remember observing a translator and his helper trying to find the dynamic equivalent of snow in the language of the ‘Mjikenda Digo’ people of Kenya. These people have never seen snow, although they may have heard of it. The ‘Arabic’ equivalent would be ‘Theluji’, but this does not suffice. After several days the Translator and Helper came up with the phrase ‘white feathers.’

Many people define themselves and their purpose through work. Thus the phrase “I am what I do.” When people spend hours in the run of a week doing what they do, when they go home, or into the community, they define themselves thus. It becomes a challenge for some to leave the job behind at the workplace. It is especially difficult for a Pastor, Teacher, Politician, Doctor. For the Cleric there is always the sermon to prepare, the sick to visit, the planning, the problems in the church. In many professions boundaries with work and life are not carefully set. Families are the losers.

It may be better instead to define who we are by our values. This is especially helpful when trying to give therapy to people who have impulse control problems. They often react quickly and negatively, instead of thoughtfully and positively. However, when confronted with personal values as a means to respond instead of reacting change begins. When asked to list values the following list often appears; honesty, truth, loyalty, integrity, family, kindness, fidelity, trust, perseverance. Clients will then agree that helpful responses should be reflected in their values. This is who they are. Once faced with an impulse, people can train themselves to act according to who they truly are. So, who we are is defined by our values, not by what we do.

What values define you? Need a Therapist?
www.bryanhagerman.ca The Therapist at Large. I do skype.

Home Welcome to my site. I am very passionate about the emotional well-being of people who have known difficult times in their lives. I am available to help you. I am interested in helping people who struggle with: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Phobias, Relational issues, Conflict Resolution, Domesti...

09/13/2018

Grit
Who are we anyway? Is it a mixture of nature and nurture? Or are there specific ingredients that add to the cocktail of who we are? Some might argue that we are born with a blank slate, and at birth the slate begins to collect the data which helps to create who we are and who we become. Then others would say that it the sum of our parts (life experiences) from birth to death, that mold us and make us. But larger question might be, “what is it that makes up our identity?” And can we begin to change who we are, and what we are, right now?
Yes, of course DNA plays a part. Yes, nature and nurture play a part. Attachment theorists would argue strenuously that an emotional bond between a new born infant and a primary caregiver is of ultimate importance. That bond gives a child a big relational leg up in life, especially when it comes to a sense of safety, security, and self-worth.

However, even with the strongest of emotional bonds a child must eventually face the experiences of life. As a 6 year old I entered school on crutches and wearing a stiff leg brace. While others ran on the playground, and played, I hobbled around and was always last for the bell. My classmates had no problem pulling out their chairs and sitting at the desk. I had to maneuver my crutches and chair at the same time in order to sit. The brace made it difficult to sit normally in a chair. Carrying a book and lunch bag was not easy, but I did it. Playing marbles was difficult. But I played.

But what do you do with experiences like this that can shape your life even in a small way? Do you give up or push through? I am sorry to use myself as an example here but I developed grit. Grit is not about sucking it up. It is about getting up when knocked down. It is not denial of an issue. It is about moving through life even when given a significant disadvantage. It is about turning the supposed weakness into a strength. Some might argue that Churchill’s most famous phrase “never give up, never, never, never” was about grit.
I never believed wearing crutches, even for a year was a sign of weakness. I think it enabled me to develop empathy for others. Going to therapy is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of great courage and a desire for change. It is a form of getting up, with someone’s help.

www.bryanhagerman.ca 902 471 7919., I do Skype and Telephone Therapy.

Home Welcome to my site. I am very passionate about the emotional well-being of people who have known difficult times in their lives. I am available to help you. I am interested in helping people who struggle with: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Phobias, Relational issues, Conflict Resolution, Domesti...

09/11/2018

Listening and Muscle Memory

The ability to listen to, and remember what has been said in a conversation, are two qualities a successful clinician needs in their tool box in order to become a good therapist.

Both therapist and client have created a safe emotional bubble around themselves. Therapists do not multi-task in a session, they listen. In the therapeutic milieu the therapist listens for key words, self expression, observes for emotional content, including body language. Both tell him/her what is going on in the life of the client. Carl Rogers believed that “listening could transform people. “ An aspect of that transformation is that the one who has come to therapy may have no one else to talk to, or certainly no one else to share their deepest thoughts, and feelings with. This singularly explains the desperation of their situation. The listening ability, and non-judgment from the therapist frees the Client to go deeper. Suddenly they are pulled into a vortex of emotional expression. They are able to say things that they have never said before to anyone, and hearing themselves communicate these thoughts becomes a crucial part of the recovery process. Self-trust deepens too.
Listening is more than just looking at the individual communicating. The therapist is observing, communicating empathy, remembering what is said, and has been given the awesome privilege of being brought deeply into someone’s secret emotional space. This must not be taken for granted. It is a gift a client may give no one else.

In order to remember what the client is saying the, the therapist will restate, either word for word, or give a brief synopsis of what they heard. The client will be empowered through this process, and it adds integrity to the conversation. It is not only important in staying connected in the conversation, but it helps the clinician to develop muscle memory. Muscle memory is when we habitually remember how to do something as a result of repetition. We remember how to ride a bike, drive a car, use a computer, sail a boat. In each instance the muscle memory develops over time, and in time becomes second nature/old hat. For example, people who have not spoken a previously learned language in years, are often able to re-enter that process reasonably well, and because of muscle memory.

For the therapist, retaining what someone else has said while intensely listening, develops and grows as they listen. They develop listening skills muscle memory. It becomes second nature. Both have strongly converged, enabling a therapist to become more successful. And the Client is the beneficiary of this learned skill. Someone who is listened to, and who knows it, is on the road to emotional transformation.
www.bryanhagerman.ca

Home Welcome to my site. I am very passionate about the emotional well-being of people who have known difficult times in their lives. I am available to help you. I am interested in helping people who struggle with: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Phobias, Relational issues, Conflict Resolution, Domesti...

04/24/2018

Happy to serve in the area of Amherst. Two days a week.

We are pleased to welcome Registered Counselling Therapist Bryan Hagerman to our clinical team. Bryan is licensed and registered with:
▪️Victim Services
▪️WCB
▪️Veterans Affairs
▪️NS College of Counselling Therapists (NSCCT)
If you have or currently suffer from trauma, depression, fear, or abuse, Bryan can help you reach a place of emotional health. Call (902) 667-2929 to book your appointment.

04/23/2018

Exciting new opportunity.

We are pleased to welcome Registered Counselling Therapist Bryan Hagerman to our clinical team. Bryan is licensed and registered with:
▪️Victim Services
▪️WCB
▪️Veterans Affairs
▪️NS College of Counselling Therapists (NSCCT)
If you have or currently suffer from trauma, depression, fear, or abuse, Bryan can help you reach a place of emotional health. Call (902) 667-2929 to book your appointment.

04/23/2018

We are pleased to welcome Registered Counselling Therapist Bryan Hagerman to our clinical team. Bryan is licensed and registered with:
▪️Victim Services
▪️WCB
▪️Veterans Affairs
▪️NS College of Counselling Therapists (NSCCT)
If you have or currently suffer from trauma, depression, fear, or abuse, Bryan can help you reach a place of emotional health. Call (902) 667-2929 to book your appointment.

04/19/2018

For anyone in the Amherst area I will soon be available to give Clinical Therapy.

We are pleased to welcome Registered Counselling Therapist Bryan Hagerman to our clinical team. Bryan is licensed and registered with:
▪️Victim Services
▪️WCB
▪️Veterans Affairs
▪️NS College of Counselling Therapists (NSCCT)
If you have or currently suffer from trauma, depression, fear, or abuse, Bryan can help you reach a place of emotional health. Call (902) 667-2929 to book your appointment.