07/10/2019
Passwords
I used to go to work with my dad on Saturday mornings when I was a little boy. One of the first things he did when we arrived was to go and unlock a big thick steel safe in his office. I saw him do it so many times I probably could have done it myself. His words of wisdom to me in going to work with him were “don’t ever watch or learn anything that I do. Get an education! “ So I did. The combination to the safe was a form of password.
The use of Passwords has evolved remarkably over the years. I remember building a snow fort on the school playground in grade 3. Once built, we immediately issued a secret password for everyone who wanted to enter, securing our property. This kept all of those people out (mostly grade three girls) that we did not want in our club. It gave us a sense of power over our little snowy domain.
Today everything comes with a password, except our children when they are born. But when will that change? A password gives us a secure entrance into our online bank accounts, the internet, our cell phones, CRA accounts, university documents, and so on. Upon doing some math, I discovered that I now have accumulated 55 such important passwords and counting. I have them on the Cloud which is again password protected. So they say! So we hope!
The password for therapy is simple; courage combined with grit! And often it takes a heap of this to get us to; a) articulate a problem, b) research a therapist, c) make the call, d) go to the appointment, e) open your mouth, f) share your heart, g) do the work. But the partnership between client and therapist is one where courage and grit is offered, and where courage and grit is honored. Grit is that which propels us forward, given the therapist’s help. Courage is discovered in taking the risk to be open, vulnerable, transparent. Another sub password between therapist and client, although unspoken is attunement! Attunement is the special relationship that develops between professional and client. To attain this the therapist listens actively, shows evidence of empathy, responds accordingly, gives eye contact, is careful with tone and body language, and makes every effort to help the client to feel emotionally and physically safe. And it is key to communicate compassion and caring.
Attunement with Christ is developed with the fulfillmentt of belief, faith, and trust. The beauty of each of these spiritual virtues is that they have been given to us by God himself. Imagine, the one who wishes an emotional relationship with us, an attunement, is willing to give each of us the important gift which unlocks and enables the virtues desired.
Within counselling therapy, belief is key. Belief in the therapist. Belief in the action plan created by therapist and client. Belief in a positive outcome. Belief in yourself to do the work. But as is the case within our Christian values, belief is the one first good step towards resolve. Belief is accompanied by activity. Simple belief in and of itself is not enough. We have all heard the phrase, “faith without work is dead, work without faith is dead.” So too with belief and then existential activity. Call this courage, grit, or even resilience.
The courage, the grit, the ability to get up when knocked down, is not inherent in all of us. But it can be developed and learned over time. Courage and grit enable us to move forward. We take the knowledge given us and then we connect that to our will. Knowledge by itself is insufficient. Will is the determination to carry forward a plan. The connection of knowledge and will is imperative.
Faith in and of itself is again, insufficient. The courage, will, grit to exercise one’s faith is crucial for a positive spiritual outcome. I have faith in the chair I sit down in every morning in my office. The faith that the chair will support me, is insufficient however, without the inherent and existential action of me sitting down, in the chair. I have combined knowledge and will, faith and works.
The Scripture says, “Don’t worry about anything, but with prayer, petition, and thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guide your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
Spirituality in Christ the resurrected Lord, is the single most important ingredient in becoming emotionally well. So we take the words of scripture here literally. It takes courage, & grit two important passwords to see an outcome.
Dr Bryan Hagerman.
www.bryanhagerman.ca, St Paul’s Outreach Counsellor.
Home Welcome to my site. I am very passionate about the emotional well-being of people who have known difficult times in their lives. I am available to help you. I am interested in helping people who struggle with: Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Phobias, Relational issues, Conflict Resolution, Domesti...
