08/25/2022
In memory of Georg Feuerstein, Ph.D. (May 27, 1947 – August 25 2012)
Ten years ago Georg and I were drenched in the density of the final hours in his body, and while so much time has passed since then, I still have times when I can’t believe he’s gone from this realm of existence. Possibly he has returned and I’ve held him as a baby or walked past him on the street and he smiled from his stroller, maybe he’s not near me physically but we’re breathing the same earth-air or maybe he hasn’t taken a physical form yet or maybe something else I haven’t considered. The fact is I don’t know and I’m okay with that.
What I know is he walks with me all the time and he seems to be scattered all over the globe in so many beautiful ways. People still connect with me and mention they had a dream with him in it, they were gifted one of his or our books or audios, they watched a documentary with him in it, or did a training or workshop where his name came up, and on and on. To me that means he’s everywhere and that warms my heart.
People closest to me know how I morph this time of year as my body and mind start to fold in on itself for comfort and ease. My heart aches in both painful and beautiful ways, my body becomes tired, and physical stillness takes over as I am guided to feel to a depth I haven’t felt before. It feels healing, creative, painful, and joy-filled all in one. I feel content to “just be” in the moment of grief as it washes through me over and over again.
(Continues below)
Some people still tell me to find a new partner and it will be easier, while others tell me not to do that because it would be too difficult…for that person. It’s confusing being human and sometimes I just want to run and hide away with my dog, CC, and cry until it’s all over. I know life is meant to be lived and I do that as fully as I can but I also know life ends…abruptly, and the living can feel like they’re left standing on the edge of the cliff on a gale-force windy day. While some feel my life should look different by now and others don't understand why or how I can be so romantic and live from my heart, I believe in vulnerability and I've chosen to live my life like that.