Wellwood Counselling

01/09/2022

Even if it is difficult, human beings will eventually adapt to changes. With grief, examples of adaptation can look like getting used to living alone without a deceased spouse or no longer having the impulse to text a deceased friend.

But this can be a painful part of the grieving process as many people resist adapting to the death of their loved one. It can feel so wrong to adapt.

The bereaved often feel that adapting is a betrayal of their deceased loved one:

As long as they are not adapting, their grief is acute and therefore alive.

And if the grief is acute, then the love is still alive and the deceased is not forgotten.

This is such a common and understandable experience.

And yet the reality is that both are possible:

We can continue to grieve, love, and remember our deceased loved one AND we can adapt to our new conditions.

So it is okay if you are adapting. It is okay to resist it. It is okay to accept the reality of the loss. It is okay that your grief will look different over time.

No matter what you are feeling, it is legitimate.

Grieving is so paradoxical — we can feel so many conflicting feelings/states of being and they can all be true and valid.

05/04/2021

Etymology | Greek: authentikos meaning 'original, genuine, principal' from authentes meaning 'one acting on one's authority' from autos meaning 'self'

~ So authenticity means being one's genuine self in accordance with one's inner authority.

Authenticity can be a bit of a buzzword. It isn't uncommon to hear a person use it as a descriptor of their personality.

However when we look at authenticity existentially, we see that it is more a quality that we can touch, that we come into, when we are in alignment with and responding from our inner, free person.

When we are able to stand with ourselves and say, "This is in accordance with who I am, and this is how I want to walk with myself into the future".

Authenticity is a state of becoming. We have moments of grasping our 'authentic selves'. It isn't as permanent of a state of being as it is made out to be. However when we are standing authentically, it sure feels amazing!

Have there been any decisions you have made (any choices you have 'authored') that really reflected your authenticity?

[Image]: The post reads "authenticity means I am the author of my actions"

04/01/2021

How often when you spend time in nature do you feel immersed and at one with the present moment? For many of us in civilization spending vast amounts of time indoors, we can often forget that we too are a part of nature—not just observers. To the hummingbird, we are also 'a being' - very different ones (sadly we can't fly!), who can be related to.

The next time you find yourself outside, see if you can subtly shift your awareness of "what am I seeing?" to "How am I relating in this moment?"

[Image] A hummingbird is mid-flight just right of a tree. The image overlooks a valley with green hills and a blue sky. Words on the image read "Nature is not something you're just looking at. Nature is what you are."

11/02/2020

We can seek self-knowledge by observing our behavior, actions, and reactions. It is helpful to ask ourselves how often the choices we make feel free and really do come from us, or are we simply reacting to our environments? If in our daily lives much of our behavior are reactions, rather than freely chosen action, then we are not living authentically. And most likely, we are not acting out of kindness and care for ourselves.

We invite you to be intentional in observing how you behave and the choices you make. You may learn something about yourself and your context which may then lead you to providing more accurate care for yourself 😊

10/20/2020

https://www.wellwoodcounselling.com/blog/2020/8/29/wasting-time

When we examine what constitutes a waste of time, we may find that when we remove the need for perfect progression, we can experience our lives fully in the present, thus not experiencing our decisions as wastes of time but rather as opportunities for authenticity to emerge.

10/13/2020

An essential component of embodiment—feeling, relating to, and acting in alignment with our bodies—is being able to attend to the physical sensations within. We live in a busy, stimulated world where we are constantly absorbing input from our environments. But how often do we take the time to slow down and feel how the info we are absorbing around us actually sits in our bodies? Consciously attending to physical sensation helps us to metabolize this information and taking deep breaths allows us to let go, relax, and release what we don't need.

The practice is simple: close your eyes and just notice the sensations in your body, then take deeps breaths and notice what changes.

09/17/2020

https://www.wellwoodcounselling.com/blog/2020/9/17/mental-health-during-autumn

Autumn is a paradoxical season of endings and beginnings. In light of the tension people are feeling with COVID-19, we explore how we can work with what this season offers as it pertains to caring for our mental health.

08/30/2020

https://www.wellwoodcounselling.com/blog/2020/8/29/grieving-in-the-time-of-covid-19

In this post, we discuss ways grievers can still come together to mourn the death of loved ones, how to communicate care to those grieving, and how to foster self-intimacy and self-compassion while grieving during COVID-19.

08/24/2020

The topic of personhood and self is a bit mysterious, and yet so paramount to the therapeutic work we do with clients. If you can't feel or sense the presence of your Self, you may be suffering. And yet when we encourage clients to get into relationship with themselves, we are often met with blank stares and a bit of "okay but what else can I do?!"

That quick response may be because many of us don't know what is meant by relating to ourselves, and we would sooner skip that step. But it isn't irrelevant to the healing process, it is essential.

If you want to be able to take care of yourself, you need to know who is the 'self' you are caring for. You do that the same way you get to know someone else - you ask questions of yourself and respond, you take time to sit with yourself and listen to your thoughts and body sensations, you observe your actions and ask, is that in alignment with my values?

There are many ways to relate to yourself but the most important component is that it takes an intentional, conscious decision to do so. The beauty is that you're always with yourself — start anytime you'd like!

07/14/2020

Grief is incredibly difficult to hold in times of normalcy, and even more so difficult during this pandemic. For many people, the losses are layered and the grieving is complex. Losses range from loss of routine, structure, enjoyment and pleasure, traveling, socializing and connection to losses of employment and financial security to losses of people we love. Some of us have become bereaved amidst COVID-19, and others bereaved because of it.

What is challenging in all of this is that our ways of grieving and mourning together have been limited due to physical distancing and closed borders. It seems the pandemic has brought many of us to our knees, and now grief brings us face-to-ground. We cannot change our grief, only hold it and allow it to be. We take heavy breaths and long exhales as a response to the sorrow.

If you are feeling the weight of grief, take time and space to nurture yourself. Grief is heavy to hold and your body will do so whether or not you consciously make space for it. Intentionally nurturing yourself is one way to love yourself as you endure the pain of grief. We hope you are able to meet yourself with such compassion.

04/15/2020

As an initiative spearheaded in BC by , we are glad to join Project Heal(th), offering FREE counselling sessions to frontline health care workers and essential service providers. Learn more at www.wellwoodcounselling.com/project-health

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04/07/2020

In addition to turning toward our bodies, we can expand our self-knowledge by creating space for our feelings to emerge. This can be quite difficult to do depending on unspoken rules you may have grown up with in regards to how feelings should be managed. These rules may be shaped by your family and community, and by your culture at large. However if we are taught to avoid/suppress them, or not taught how to deal with them in a constructive way, then we may be missing a rich opportunity for self exploration and growth.

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Our feelings arise spontaneously, and with them comes a wealth of information about our relationship toward the stimulus in question. Our feelings tell us about what we value, what we are moved by, what is important to us, our own sense of boundaries and relatedness to others, and so much more. When we feel emotion, we can ask ourselves, "What makes me feel this way in this situation? What value of mine is in question right now?

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For some who have the space to do so, COVID-19 and social distancing provides an opportunity for us to reflect on our feelings. The pandemic may have elicited much emotion within you. Perhaps this is a good time to be intentional in reflecting on what has moved in you (be it anxiety, grief, peace, relief, anger, etc), and then dialogue with yourself about what those emotions may mean for you.

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Just remember, feelings aren't inherently good or bad, even though some are experienced as worse than others. Feelings are information about how we are moved in relationship to ourselves, others, and our environment. And there is lots to be garnered from such information.