01/02/2024
There were many reasons why I stopped talking to my mom.
She doesn't send presents anymore, which is good. It's less that I have to find homes for. There are so many reasons why I have a reason to speak about this. Intimate abuse, can be so damaging, but also dangerous. This is the page where I have permission to speak. I find that when I share my story, others who have experienced similiar find their people and experience relief to their cognitive dissonance. Abuse is a health issue. The pursuit of truth in this literally saves lives.
The stories kept amounting and my body kept engaging in a war within itself. I couldn't ignore the cognitive dissonance even when I could see the good that was being done.
For awhile, I felt relief being so far away, I didn't have the constant fear of something strange and illogical happening, upending any sense of peace I had felt.
One story comes to mind in particular,
It was my birthday. I lived in a very small two bedroom townhome. The square footage that I would actually need to vacuum was quite small, and in fact almost impossible to do with a large stand up vacuum. I went to the store and saw a few styles that were thin and skinny, easy apartment versions. It had been years of handling strange behaviour from my mother, literal years. There were days that I cried for hours at night, while she yelled.
But I was an adult now, I had created ways to avoid her displeasure, and turmoil in my own life. I tried to do this, this time for my birthday. It was my birthday, why wouldnt I.
She wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday, kind for most.
Terrifying for me, and if you've been through this before you just know.
I said I really wanted a vacuum (my first mistake). I told her she didn't need to buy me one, I could buy one, but if she did decide I was explicit. Please do not buy one that is a stand up vacuum. And this is when I added this in: if you do I will have to return it. Of course, I had always been reprimanded for getting rid of things she had given me. I made this very exact. I told her I would not want to, but there was absolutely no way I could manage this large vacuum around such a small space with my furniture/stairs. I gave some examples of vacuums that were appropriate. Interestingly less expensive than most of the nicer stand up ones. When I came home from a long and productive work day, I was pleased and horrified, to find a nice stand up vacuum in my living room with bow.
Seriously.
She was absolutely standing beside me, and I said mom, I love it. I really do love it. But listen... I told you I would have to take this back so this is what I'm going to have to do, okay? She went to my kitchen, told me that I'm never appreciative of her gifts, and that I'm such an issue to everyone around me, then she slammed my back door and left.
There are many people on this page who will be looking for stories that speak to this behaviour that so many of us have to deal with. I'm here to share mine, and I'm here to share a safe place, where others share their stories and we can talk about the key issues and what makes this such a challenge and hurdle in living a healthy life. This will be a short story kind of page, where we come together to share great stories that offer insights on what kind of situations create unhealthy environments, and how we can use great strategies and reading materials in order to avoid them, see them for what they are, and what actions need to be taken when we see these consistent behaviours that affect us.
It was my recent health challenges that had me realize I wanted to change my life for the better, and change my environment for the better. I have turned the love I had for others, inward, and found people that I truly love and can relate to.
I look forward to posting more and reading others' stories and finding interesting tidbits from them, to give voice to beautiful humans who've been quieted for too long.
♥️ All the best in healing !
